Requesting responsability= negativeity (apparently)

[Cat21]

I've posted a few times about my uBPDh's lack of regard concerning time. He will often say he's going to be home at one time, but doesn't arrive home when he says he'll be and is often late, without communication, and without an apology. I've gathered that from now on, I should not expect him to be home when he says he will, or I'll just continue to be disappointed.

So, today he went out for lunch with some friends, and I didn't even bother asking him when he'd be home. He did, however, text me to say that he was very tired and not feeling all that well, so after a "quick lunch", he'd be home for a nap. That was 2.5 hours ago. Since I knew he wasn't feeling so well, I texted him to ask how he was feeling, and he called me. I said, "Is everything ok? I thought you weren't feeling so well." I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was slightly intoxicated. He said "Yeah- I'm much better. Why are you asking?" I said, "I'm asking because of what you told me earlier. I'm glad you're feeling better. When do you think you might be home?" He said, "I'm coming home now. Why are you being so negative?" Then the conversation turned to texts because he "didn't want his friends to hear how mean I am". I tried SO hard to stay out of the FOG especially when I know that he is totally putting his guilt onto me! But I still get berated with texts saying how negative I am and how I need to just be positive and stop making something out of nothing.

UGGHGHHHHH

Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I can't just focus on myself and ignore it. Today is one of those days. 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

 

I would ask him to explain how he expects you to use the information that he gives you... .

Try to make sure it doesn't come across as why do you say one thing and do another... .

What is purpose of telling me when you are going to be home... .?

[waverider]

Was you asking him how he was just another way of asking him when he was going to be home? Which is contrary to you not asking before he went. At the end of the day it is still just another variation on the same theme you have come to expect.