Any truth to this?

[Tater tot]

I've read on several threads here, and other places, that the closer a pwBPD feels about you, the more they feel threatened and retreat and shut you out. It's the threat of becoming emotionally invested in another person. Is that true? Is that the true trigger that causes them to walk away and paint you black? Or is it something else. Thoughts?

[vortex of confusion]

I've read on several threads here, and other places, that the closer a pwBPD feels about you, the more they feel threatened and retreat and shut you out. It's the threat of becoming emotionally invested in another person. Is that true? Is that the true trigger that causes them to walk away and paint you black? Or is it something else. Thoughts?

I don't know how true it is. If feeling close to somebody makes them retreat and shut you out, that would explain a lot of my husband's behaviors over the years. He would shut me out while letting other people in. It was very hurtful to have him be so interested in other women and talk to them and listen to them and be there for them but he couldn't do the same for me. It was maddening. I don't see my husband ever really painting me black. He is so deluded about so many things. He doesn't have any women on the side that I know about but he is unwilling and unable to do anything to try to save the relationship. He is willing to throw away all of our years together for who knows why. I used to think that maybe I could find some way to communicate with him or wake him up. Now that I have told him that I am emotionally done with the relationship, he is kind of nonplussed by the whole thing. It is like he is relieved because that means that he won't have to do anything.

[Tater tot]

I've read on several threads here, and other places, that the closer a pwBPD feels about you, the more they feel threatened and retreat and shut you out. It's the threat of becoming emotionally invested in another person. Is that true? Is that the true trigger that causes them to walk away and paint you black? Or is it something else. Thoughts?

I don't know how true it is. If feeling close to somebody makes them retreat and shut you out, that would explain a lot of my husband's behaviors over the years. He would shut me out while letting other people in. It was very hurtful to have him be so interested in other women and talk to them and listen to them and be there for them but he couldn't do the same for me. It was maddening. I don't see my husband ever really painting me black. He is so deluded about so many things. He doesn't have any women on the side that I know about but he is unwilling and unable to do anything to try to save the relationship. He is willing to throw away all of our years together for who knows why. I used to think that maybe I could find some way to communicate with him or wake him up. Now that I have told him that I am emotionally done with the relationship, he is kind of nonplussed by the whole thing. It is like he is relieved because that means that he won't have to do anything.

I'm sorry Vortex, that has to be incredibly frustrating, confusing, and hurtful to be kept at arms distance from your spouse and someone that you love, while watching him let casual people in. I've experienced the same thing to a degree and it just doesn't seem logical. However I've come to realize that logic doesn't apply with BPD.

[Blimblam]

I've read on several threads here, and other places, that the closer a pwBPD feels about you, the more they feel threatened and retreat and shut you out. It's the threat of becoming emotionally invested in another person. Is that true? Is that the true trigger that causes them to walk away and paint you black? Or is it something else. Thoughts?

I don't know how true it is. If feeling close to somebody makes them retreat and shut you out, that would explain a lot of my husband's behaviors over the years. He would shut me out while letting other people in. It was very hurtful to have him be so interested in other women and talk to them and listen to them and be there for them but he couldn't do the same for me. It was maddening. I don't see my husband ever really painting me black. He is so deluded about so many things. He doesn't have any women on the side that I know about but he is unwilling and unable to do anything to try to save the relationship. He is willing to throw away all of our years together for who knows why. I used to think that maybe I could find some way to communicate with him or wake him up. Now that I have told him that I am emotionally done with the relationship, he is kind of nonplussed by the whole thing. It is like he is relieved because that means that he won't have to do anything.

I'm sorry Vortex, that has to be incredibly frustrating, confusing, and hurtful to be kept at arms distance from your spouse and someone that you love, while watching him let casual people in. I've experienced the same thing to a degree and it just doesn't seem logical. However I've come to realize that logic doesn't apply with BPD.

Oh, man I can relate to this and it was so frustrating. I would notice her do this to what was to me obvious bsers.  I would be thinking are you kidding that person was full of shallow self serving crap? She doesn't see it though and she never will. It's not my problem I can't fix it. It hurt so bad though and sometimes, often times it still does.