Sex Addiction

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Was the BPD you were involved with a sex addict and if so how did that affect you?

I'm not sure if the BPDx i was involved with was addicted to sex or if it was just a high she got from cheating. I'm thinking the riskier the better. With her friend's husband, with a few people i know, with me being no more than 50 or so yards away. She didn't drink or do drugs so maybe sex was her coping mechanism?

[clydegriffith]

Was the BPD you were involved with a sex addict and if so how did that affect you?

I'm not sure if the BPDx i was involved with was addicted to sex or if it was just a high she got from cheating. I'm thinking the riskier the better. With her friend's husband, with a few people i know, with me being no more than 50 or so yards away. She didn't drink or do drugs so maybe sex was her coping mechanism?

[Raybo48]

Mine was not addicted to sex, but that didn't stop her from cheating emotionally and physically.  She was however heavily addicted to alcohol to the point to where it almost killed her on several occasions.   

I think they all have their intense coping mechanisms when it comes right down to it. 

[vortex of confusion]

Was the BPD you were involved with a sex addict and if so how did that affect you?

I'm not sure if the BPDx i was involved with was addicted to sex or if it was just a high she got from cheating. I'm thinking the riskier the better. With her friend's husband, with a few people i know, with me being no more than 50 or so yards away. She didn't drink or do drugs so maybe sex was her coping mechanism?

Mine is a sex addict. It ruined my self esteem because he would choose to look at porn and self pleasure rather than be with me. When he was with me, there was a lack of intimacy and I felt like a dumpster rather than his wife. And, it seemed like all sexual encounters between the two of us were all about him. It has really messed with my mind.

A person can cheat with being a sex addict. What makes it an addiction is if it is compulsive and interferes with your daily life. For my husband, porn, etc. was his coping mechanism. Any time he would get stressed out by life, he would do certain things. He is in a 12 step program for SA at the moment.

[clydegriffith]

Was the BPD you were involved with a sex addict and if so how did that affect you?

I'm not sure if the BPDx i was involved with was addicted to sex or if it was just a high she got from cheating. I'm thinking the riskier the better. With her friend's husband, with a few people i know, with me being no more than 50 or so yards away. She didn't drink or do drugs so maybe sex was her coping mechanism?

Mine is a sex addict. It ruined my self esteem because he would choose to look at porn and self pleasure rather than be with me. When he was with me, there was a lack of intimacy and I felt like a dumpster rather than his wife. And, it seemed like all sexual encounters between the two of us were all about him. It has really messed with my mind.

A person can cheat with being a sex addict. What makes it an addiction is if it is compulsive and interferes with your daily life. For my husband, porn, etc. was his coping mechanism. Any time he would get stressed out by life, he would do certain things. He is in a 12 step program for SA at the moment.

Interesting. In my case i wouldnt say the compulsiveness interfered with her daily life but more that it's put in her terrible positions numerous times. She went throught the exact same pattern with her ex-husband that she did with me. Also, while she did walk all over me and pretty much used me as a doormat, that wasn't the case in the bedroom. She was very submissive and let me do whatever i wanted to her. Is that normal of a BPD?

[Raybo48]

Was the BPD you were involved with a sex addict and if so how did that affect you?

I'm not sure if the BPDx i was involved with was addicted to sex or if it was just a high she got from cheating. I'm thinking the riskier the better. With her friend's husband, with a few people i know, with me being no more than 50 or so yards away. She didn't drink or do drugs so maybe sex was her coping mechanism?

Mine is a sex addict. It ruined my self esteem because he would choose to look at porn and self pleasure rather than be with me. When he was with me, there was a lack of intimacy and I felt like a dumpster rather than his wife. And, it seemed like all sexual encounters between the two of us were all about him. It has really messed with my mind.

A person can cheat with being a sex addict. What makes it an addiction is if it is compulsive and interferes with your daily life. For my husband, porn, etc. was his coping mechanism. Any time he would get stressed out by life, he would do certain things. He is in a 12 step program for SA at the moment.

Interesting. In my case i wouldnt say the compulsiveness interfered with her daily life but more that it's put in her terrible positions numerous times. She went throught the exact same pattern with her ex-husband that she did with me. Also, while she did walk all over me and pretty much used me as a doormat, that wasn't the case in the bedroom. She was very submissive and let me do whatever i wanted to her. Is that normal of a BPD?

My ex was pretty submissive too, and had real issues in the bedroom.  The need to be under the covers every time, didn't want to be seen completely naked, jumped a bit (every time) when touched (Keeping in mind this is a very pretty girl with a nice body).  It almost made me wonder if there wasn't some sort of sexual abuse in her past, as a child maybe.  I'm not Mr. confident, but she definitely had issues and the only time she was un inhibited was when she was drinking.  She was a completely different person, and wasn't submissive.  She told me with one of her ex's she'd put vodka in her water bottle when she went to his place for the night and right before they had sex she'd go to the bathroom and down the entire bottle.  What a F'd up way to live.

[vortex of confusion]

Interesting. In my case i wouldnt say the compulsiveness interfered with her daily life but more that it's put in her terrible positions numerous times. She went throught the exact same pattern with her ex-husband that she did with me. Also, while she did walk all over me and pretty much used me as a doormat, that wasn't the case in the bedroom. She was very submissive and let me do whatever i wanted to her. Is that normal of a BPD?

Unless they tell you, there isn't really any way to know whether or not it is truly interfering. My husband has confessed that there was a period of time where that was all he thought about. I know, some people think about it a lot but the way he described his obsession/compulsion seemed different than just thinking about it all the time.

Yes about the submissiveness in the bedroom. I don't feel like I could ever get him to be truly present. We have been together almost 18 years so there would be times when I would want to experiment or do things different. I had to be in control of everything and be the driving force and even the, he was likely to get weird about things. I wouldn't say that I could do whatever I wanted. There were some things that he absolutely did not want done to him. He went through a period where he claimed to be bisexual though.