Mommie Dearest (1981)

[Depression = 72% of members]

Last night I watched Mommy Dearest, which for those of you who don't know is a movie that is based on a memoir that a daughter of Joan Crawford wrote about her mother.  Mommy Dearest portrays a borderline personality.  I remember my mom watching this movie with me when I was in elementary school.  Watching it again, I couldn't believe that my mom would think that this was somehow age appropriate.  My husband commented on how he thought this could be pretty traumatic for a child to watch particularly because it is about child abuse!  I found myself getting angry that she would somehow think that it was ok for me to watch and shocked at how young I was when I watched it.  Then I found myself disturbed so much by the scenes because the rages brought back bad memories.  How ironic to watch a movie with a uBPD and the movie is about a BPD!  

[Change2014]

Last night I watched Mommy Dearest, which for those of you who don't know is a movie that is based on a memoir that a daughter of Joan Crawford wrote about her mother.  Mommy Dearest portrays a borderline personality.  I remember my mom watching this movie with me when I was in elementary school.  Watching it again, I couldn't believe that my mom would think that this was somehow age appropriate.  My husband commented on how he thought this could be pretty traumatic for a child to watch particularly because it is about child abuse!  I found myself getting angry that she would somehow think that it was ok for me to watch and shocked at how young I was when I watched it.  Then I found myself disturbed so much by the scenes because the rages brought back bad memories.  How ironic to watch a movie with a uBPD and the movie is about a BPD!  

[Turkish]

That is ironic!

I remember my mom letting me watch the US tv mini series The Holocaust. I remember the scenes with Nazis lining up people to machine gun them into pits. The actors were naked (I guess they got dispensatuon back then to show that and the violence).  I was 7.

I don't remember feeling traumatized by that, but it was definitely age inppropriate. Stuff like that, as well as the usual drama which surrounded my childhood, probably contributed to my numbness concerning trauma. Weird and dramatic stuff happened, and I took it in stride.

It's a form of Patentification, borne by shallow empathy, not being able to understand how a child views the world.

[Trollvaaken]

My gosh. I am watching Mommie Dearest right now.

So many similarities. I have never seen my mother passed out drunk, but the whole spiel about being broke and then seeing your mother splurge on clothing and shoes, I have seen that many times before.

[Change2014]

Turkish, The Holocaust series sounds frightening!  I think I would have been traumatized from that.  I think you are spot on that it is a form of parentification and it is selfish because the BPD wants to watch whatever the hell they want to watch without consideration of a child's needs.  I thought that maybe this was a generation thing since there is more awareness about TV and children now.  My parents were playing an R rated scary movie in front of an 11-year old nephew that is afraid of the dark and monsters.  How the hell does that make sense?  I was just appalled.  But they wanted to watch it.  Ugh... .

Trolivaaken, I think it is difficult watching that move.  I didn't receive physical abuse like that... .mostly bullying stuff like pushing and swatting.  But the rages and awful things that woman said in the movie just hit too close to home.  It is like they go insane when they rage and venom just spews.  She was also very jealous of her daughter I think.  You see how that grows as the daughter gets older.  My mom also goes on spending sprees.  My mom and dad argued about money a lot and she would have me help her hide bags of stuff from my father.  I didn't think anything of it when I was young.  But that is strange, right?  A lot of it was for me since she didn't care for her own appearance.  She always had me dressed in the latest outfits even though we didn't have a lot of money then.  It was important to her that I looked put together.  I can see the sweetness in wanting to clothe your daughter and offer her the best (if it is really about the daughter), but to the extent of smuggling in bags and hiding it, seems overkill. 

[Ziggiddy]

Oh my. I haven't seen Mommie Dearest but now I'm gonna.

By the time I was 14, my parents had either acquired the videos or taken us (TAKEN us) to see: Horror Hospital (all these rated Adults Only or R rated) Torso, Barbarella, Caligula (R Rated version - replete with orgies and beheadings as well as worse) Dracula, The Amityville Horror, The Exorcist parts 1-3, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Scanners, Rosemary's Baby ... .the list goes on and on. All this horror goth supernatural demonic stuff.

Absolutely sickening now I understand it.

[Dexter0420]

I was forced to read the stories of all of the saints by the time I was 12.  Maybe not horror movies, but horrific deaths nonetheless.  I still wake up at night with extreme anxiety attacks on occasion, believing if I was never good enough for my mother, I will never be good enough to go to Heaven.  I know it sounds silly, but there it is... .

[Rbrdkyst4]

I watched Mommy Dearest when I was 12 with my parents and brothers. What stood out was when she took the clothes hanger and beat the daughter with it.

Then after the movie, we jokingly called our mother "Mommy dearest" not knowing just how accurate it was going to be. No wonder I freaked out when I was 14 thinking that the Devil was going to take my soul.

[HappyChappy]

I was involved in an ongoing, online discussion over Mommy Dearest, and was reminded just how ignorant people are about BPD. Many thought Joan's daughter was lying because she'd been cut out of the will, so it was vindictive. Others thought the only reason someone would go ape over wire coathangers was either because she was on class A drugs & alcohol, or again the daughter was lying. Only one other person believed the BPD explanation, most others went for lying or drugs... .

[Change2014]

HappyChappy, it is interesting how people think that a person could not possibly act that crazy.  I found it believable and not as over the top as some people thought.  What really struck a nerve for me were the venomous rages and what she said.  The words absolutely sounded like a BPD person.  I think some people just can't fathom that a person would behave that way unless they were on drugs or alcohol.  Apparently, they have never seen a BPD person just lose it.  I absolutely believe the daughter and I think her brother that they showed in the movie actually confirmed that her account was true.  I think everything was magnified because of how much power her mother had and I think the mother's illness was intensified because she had so much spotlight being a movie star.  Watching it again and knowing about BPD was a such an eye opener.   

[Sasha026]

Faye Dunaway may not have looked like Joan, but she looked exactly like my mother. From the clothes she wore (exactly the same outfits) to the hair style, the conversations with other people, to the rages and the exact dialogue she used against her daughter. It was almost like the screen writer followed me around listening to my mother talk to me. When she railed at Christine, " I don't ask much from you girl but why can't you give me the reSPECT that a stranger on the street would give me" are my mother's exact words. I just didn't say, "because I'm not one of your fans", I would cower in the corner - I knew better. She even had the same mannerisms. It was downright eye opening to see this because all of the time I thought it was my fault. I was certain that if I could be a better little girl then my mother would love me. That love never materialized. The woman despised the ground I walked on, although she would have claimed it not so. The only difference was that my mother was a teetotaler. She didn't need liquor to achieve the same degree of anger. My mother was a monster.

When I first saw this movie, I sat there with my mouth open pointing at the TV saying, "That's my mother!" I didn't find out about BPD until I first came here to bpdfamily.coms in the 2000's. Then, after reading, listening and talking to others did I finally understand what was wrong. I also found out that there wasn't a darn thing I could do to change her. It was a very hollow feeling. I became depressed because I realized that no matter what I did, she would never love me. It was very sad.

[domino99]

I watched Mommy Dearest when I was 12 with my parents and brothers. What stood out was when she took the clothes hanger and beat the daughter with it.

Then after the movie, we jokingly called our mother "Mommy dearest" not knowing just how accurate it was going to be. No wonder I freaked out when I was 14 thinking that the Devil was going to take my soul.

Funny when we watched this movie, I really did not think the kids had it that bad. My mother made us sit in front of our food for hours if we did not eat it. She hit us with anything available: shoe, belt, hanger; anything would do when she raged.  At least these kids had a nice house and nice clothes, plus their mother was a movie star.  I am practically nauseous now, as a mother, that I could even fathom that this behavior by a parent to a child was normal. Thankfully I married a man who is intelligent, kind, compassionate and loving. Whenever my parenting skills came to mimic my own mother's, he was there to save us all. Although, I have raged at my kids about their homework and messy rooms, I am not perfect and that was my training. But reading and finding the support of my husband and his family allows me to learn and master acting out of love. The "love" that my mother showed was not right. Love should not make you feel afraid or guilty or self-loathing. I am so grateful to be a part of this board as well.

[Turkish]

Funny when we watched this movie, I really did not think the kids had it that bad. My mother made us sit in front of our food for hours if we did not eat it. 

My mom used to make me sit in a fold out tray chair in front of the tv with a plate of spaghetti. I used to refuse to eat it and a few times I fell asleep so my face went into the spaghetti. She thinks that was amusing to this day. Maybe it is kind of funny, but all I know is that I wouldn't do that to my kids.

[Recycle]

When I was younger, my Mom would point out (as a way to manipulate) to me that I was acting towards her like the daughter in this movie. She'd also tell me she was afraid I'd act like the daughter did after she died (at the funeral). What exactly happens in that scene?

I don't think I've ever seen Mommie Dearest all the way through - just select scenes. This thread has made me realize even more things about the level of control and manipulation my Mom's illness imposed onto my young life.

[zxmct98]

I just read the wikipedia article for this film(I haven't actually seen it myself yet) and I love how some of Joan Crawford's friends came to her defense, saying this is not the Joan Crawford they know and they've never witnessed any of this behavior. When I was growing up none of my mom's friends saw her abusive behavior towards me either... .