Getting through the weekends

[Raybo48]

I don't know why, but getting through the weekends are the hardest for me.  She seems to be on my mind the most and it doesn't help that I'm thinking about who she may be with.   I realize it doesn't do me any good to dwell on it or even think about it, but when Friday creeps up it always gets worse.

[Deeno02]

I don't know why, but getting through the weekends are the hardest for me.  She seems to be on my mind the most and it doesn't help that I'm thinking about who she may be with.   I realize it doesn't do me any good to dwell on it or even think about it, but when Friday creeps up it always gets worse.

I know. Pretty much the same for me. But I try and stay on the go as much as I can. If I didnt, I'd be ruminating like an idiot... Cant have that.

[Hope0807]

Agreed.  Weekends and unstructured in general are the worst.  I read that there's a part of our brains that are "addicted" to our ex…much in the same way an addict is addicted to their drug of choice.  So it's up to us to replace our ruminating thoughts with something more rewarding to ourselves.  Ugh!  This is all so incredibly screwy and difficult!

Lack of a support system is the worst for me.  Wish I had family to just go and hang out with or be busy with.

[Deeno02]

Agreed.  Weekends and unstructured in general are the worst.  I read that there's a part of our brains that are "addicted" to our ex…much in the same way an addict is addicted to their drug of choice.  So it's up to us to replace our ruminating thoughts with something more rewarding to ourselves.  Ugh!  This is all so incredibly screwy and difficult!

Lack of a support system is the worst for me.  Wish I had family to just go and hang out with or be busy with.

Same here. Even when I do, I feel like a third wheel... .

[Raybo48]

Agreed.  Weekends and unstructured in general are the worst.  I read that there's a part of our brains that are "addicted" to our ex…much in the same way an addict is addicted to their drug of choice.  So it's up to us to replace our ruminating thoughts with something more rewarding to ourselves.  Ugh!  This is all so incredibly screwy and difficult!

Lack of a support system is the worst for me.  Wish I had family to just go and hang out with or be busy with.

I hate it when it's said we are addicted to them, but it's accurate.  I've been into photography for over 30 years and I even find it difficult these days to pick up one of my cameras.  It's hard to focus for long on much, but I do agree that I need to so something to avoid ruminating.  Ruminating really sucks.

[Startattoo2]

Same here, I bet every hour of each I'm awake I think of her.

But two months on, I've started bike riding (done for 25 years before I met her!).

I can eat properly now, I've stopped talking to my friends about her.

Between the first day after and today I am so much better.

I now spend most of my time thinking about her, as somebody i used to know, a previous collection of things I did. Like my old cars had a few features I liked, so did she. But like my old car, there was a truck load of problems, and it's easy to over look those.

We might hurt and we might breakdown, and feel like the world is ending.

Without her, the sun keep rising, my house is still here, I am lucky. She is not, because she does not have me, but what can I do about it? Not a great deal, so until the sun stops rising, I won't worry about her. Life goes on as they say. Just tough sometimes.

[Lucky Jim]

Well, Raybo, it's Friday again so what are you going to do this weekend?  I've been in your shoes, believe me, though now it's been nearly four years since I separated from my BPDxW (we were divorced last year).  A time will come, I predict, when you will feel grateful the you got out of the toxic soup before you damaged yourself anymore than you have already.  In the meantime, I suggest that you focus on rediscovering the things in life that you really like, and then following the "golden thread" to see where it leads.  It could be photography, or it could be something entirely new and different.  Just pay attention to your gut feelings when you come across something that you find intriguing and see what it is about it that you like.  You get the idea.

LuckyJim

[Raybo48]

Well, Raybo, it's Friday again so what are you going to do this weekend?  I've been in your shoes, believe me, though now it's been nearly four years since I separated from my BPDxW (we were divorced last year).  A time will come, I predict, when you will feel grateful the you got out of the toxic soup before you damaged yourself anymore than you have already.  In the meantime, I suggest that you focus on rediscovering the things in life that you really like, and then following the "golden thread" to see where it leads.  It could be photography, or it could be something entirely new and different.  Just pay attention to your gut feelings when you come across something that you find intriguing and see what it is about it that you like.  You get the idea.

LuckyJim

Thanks, I really appreciate your input.  It's always good to hear from people who have walked in my shoes before me. 

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

Just focus on the bad! I struggle too... but I don't understand why, because he has said and done more hurtful things to me than anyone in my life!

[Raybo48]

Just focus on the bad! I struggle too... but I don't understand why, because he has said and done more hurtful things to me than anyone in my life!

Whenever I find myself drifting off and dwelling on her or some good moments I try and yank myself back in reality and focus on the bad.  Trust me there is plenty of material.

[RedDove]

I understand. The weekends are difficult for me as well. I'm 4+ months after ending the encounter with my ex BPDbf. My friends and sister are all married, so like another poster said, I tend to feel like the third wheel. My son is 17 and has a life of his own, so I'm creeping up on empty nest syndrome as well! Oh my!

The first few months after I ended the encounter with my ex BPDbf, I did a lot of reading, mainly Books on BPD, co dependency, radical acceptance, stop care taking the BPD, etc. I watched a lot of movies and lengthy TV series (Game of Thrones, Downton Abbey) on DVD or On Demand. I'm not a big drinker so I don't like the bar scene.

Last weekend I convinced a friend to go to a Halloween Costume Party with me. I love Halloween and dressing up. Unfortunately she is not so keen on Halloween. However, she was such a good, supportive friend and went with me to the Bash. We had fun! Great AC/DC tribute band. So I'm learning to push myself into doing new things! It's not easy. Majority of the party goers were couples in matching or duo costumes. I tried to strike up a comversarion with two guys standing alone. However, they were completely disinterested. Oh well! At least I tried, right? 

This coming weekend is my 30th High School Reunion. I'm on the Planning Committee so that's been a Godsent as far as a distraction. I'm looking forward to seeing my former classmates. Perhaps I'll even reconnect with a a few lost friends.

Like another poster said, I try to keep planning things on the weekends so I'm not ruminating or thinking about my ex BPDbf. Even "if" he was still in my life, in the last few months he never made weekend plans ahead of time. If he did, he'd cancel at the last minute or blow me off. He had the OW in the wings 2 months prior to me uncovering his lies and cheating. He Never wanted to do what I wanted to do. Every movie we went to see was the one he wanted to see. He never asked me what I wanted. Now, I get to pick the movie, the restaurant, etc. it's nice to no longer have to bend to his every need and childish whim!

I hope you have a nice weekend! 

[StayOrLeave15]

Agreed.  Weekends and unstructured in general are the worst.  I read that there's a part of our brains that are "addicted" to our ex…much in the same way an addict is addicted to their drug of choice.  So it's up to us to replace our ruminating thoughts with something more rewarding to ourselves.  Ugh!  This is all so incredibly screwy and difficult!

This is so true.  As complicated as these relationships are, the biology/chemistry of them is relatively straightforward.  Their positive behavior triggers a dopamine release in the "pleasure center" of the brain.  Thus, we crave this feeling, and it is hard to match.  Sometimes unhealthy behaviors like drinking, doing drugs, having risky sex, and gambling are used to fill that void. 

If we are used to that dopamine release every weekend from the "high" our BPD partners give us, withdrawal is just like any other drug.  Not to mention you wonder what they are doing that weekend and it becomes easy to torture yourself.  I am currently going through the same struggle.

[myself]

Raybo, I've been in the same frame of mind, not feeling inspired, still ruminating, etc. Still am, some days. When I've gotten myself out the door with a camera (I'm into photography as well), even if I kind of had to drag myself out there, nine times out of ten I had an enjoyable time and took some good photos. The days I really didn't feel like it, I listened to myself and didn't force it. Since this is about breaking old patterns, and appreciating the ones that are beneficial, it's a way to help yourself refocus. Have a nice weekend!