How to make sense of the good times?

[StayOrLeave15]

The good times occur when they are doing exactly as they wish, you are doing what they want, and you are relieved they are not causing you stress or drama. Really they are not good times at all because you are being set up for the next fall.

The fly has a good time lapping at the sweet nectar in the pitcher plant before he falls to his doom.

The worst part was, for me, that some of the best times were RUINED by her dysregulation.  On some of the most amazing days of our relationship, days where we were carefree, smiling, laughing, in each other's arms... .Things would be going great and out of nowhere something would trigger her and the whole day would be ruined. 

That's the sick joke of this disorder. When things are bad, okay sure, they're bad.  But when things are good, especially when they're really good, the BPD partner's fear of loss or abandonment gets triggered and they become dysregulated. 

My BPDexgf and I went on one trip together in our relationship - to Europe - and she absolutely ruined the last day of the trip and the plane ride home.  It was a short trip, only four days.  Our last day there we had such a great time together.  Passionate sex in the morning, great food all day, seeing the city at night, and then settling in for a late dinner around 11pm.  Mid-dinner she flips out over something trivial and we end up not speaking the rest of the night.  I was so frustrated - how can someone take such a great day and then completely ruin it? Oh, and of course blame it on me.  I was looking forward to dessert, a stroll home, and more great sex.  Instead it was "l'addition s'il vous plait", a silent walk home, and lots of anger. 

It actually feels good to type this story out.  It's one that I had never told on here before.  It makes me thankful that I am out of this relationship.  I love to travel and I have read way too many stories of ruined vacations on here due to BPD partners.  Nope, I don't want any of that, good riddance.  Vacations should be therapeutic, not sources of agony due to BPD partners.

My point is, when things are too good or too stable, it often triggers them, and the great times can go to ___.  Maybe not true with everyone, but I have lots of personal experience here. 

[CareTaker]

StayOrLeave15, mine did the same. Especially if we went away for weekends. There just had to be a fight. Also her favourite place to start insults where at restaurants. While we having supper. Geez. People would look at us the way she carries on.

I look back on the 3 years with her, and I just do not understand why after 2 month of B/U, I am still having bad days.

What did this witch do to my mind? How could anyone stay in this type of relationship for so long? Really, at times I think I am the mad one here.

It really is frustrating trying to work this out. This is a very bad addiction, and getting over it is not the easiest thing to do.

[StayOrLeave15]

Also her favourite place to start insults where at restaurants. While we having supper. Geez. People would look at us the way she carries on.

I feel like they know (probably subconsciously) that if trouble begins somewhere in public (e.g., a restaurant, where you are basically stuck until the end of the meal) that we will likely try to avoid an argument in front of people and will cower to them.

The weekend before we ended things we had just taken a nice walk and we settled into a cozy-looking restaurant for dinner.  Five minutes in something triggered her and she completely flipped.  Of course it was taken out on me, but she also took out her anger on our waiter.  I've never seen her do this to another person before and it was very embarrassing.  I could also see the fear in our waiter's face because she can just be that cold and nasty when dysregulated. 

Again, very therapeutic to write about / remember these times as part of moving forward. 

I look back on the 3 years with her, and I just do not understand why after 2 month of B/U, I am still having bad days.

What did this witch do to my mind? How could anyone stay in this type of relationship for so long? Really, at times I think I am the mad one here.

Caretaker, a three-year relationship is a long time.  Not to mention all the intense emotions, pain, addiction, etc. that come with a BPD relationship.  There will be hard days.  I'm doing so much better but I did have a dream about her last night, so woke up a little upset.  But here I am posting, and I feel a little better already.  It takes time.  And, yes, they are addicting.  But like many other addictions they are very unhealthy.