So I ended up getting this short amazing book on my kindle tonight, "Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It" Anyone ever read it? If not I totally recommend it. Obviously it's a book about loving yourself. But it's MUCH different than anything I've ever read. I feel as though loving myself has been the biggest struggle for me in my life. I ALWAYS hear a critical voice in my head. I bash myself. I'm totally self conscious and always assume who ever I'm talking to would or should be judging me. My mom picked me apart from as long as I remember. She would say horrible hurtful things masked in "joking" When I was hurt by anything she did or said I was chastised by her for being "sensitive." How do you learn to love yourself when you are constantly being judged and made fun of? You don't! I remember seeing an episode of Dr. Phil once(I know I don't really like him either but this was good) He told someone, who was deeply affected by how badly her mother treated her, 'You can't keep sitting around waiting for someone to give you something they CANT give you. You will be waiting forever, because they are NOT capable of loving you how you should be loved. You have to rely on yourself now and give that love to yourself.' DEFINATLY not word for word quote(it was a long time ago)... but that's how I took it, and that message stuck with me for a long time. The older I get(27 now), and unfortunately the more distance I have with the critic I call mom, the more I've actually started liking myself. Lately, I've been realizing that she was wrong about me all along and that I'm free to be whoever it is that I am. I never knew who that was, but the more I get to know this person that is me, the more I like who I am. I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately and a lot of reading. A spark was ignited in me, I think, by the Inner Child thread on this board recently. I had never even heard of this concept but I'm finding it more empowering than I can explain. Giving MYself the compassion that I give my own kids and that I wish someone had given me. After reading the book I've recommended, I went onto the authors blog and read this post which goes right along with what I've been working on. It's titled Notes to a Born Self:
www.founderzen.com/2014/05/21/notes-to-a-born-self/
