Honeymoon period

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Good day Family

Everyone seems to think about idealisation periods when their BPD was the "best thing". My question is how long did it last and was it really that good? I went through my old messages on my phone and saw that I wasn't happy less than two months into the relationship. Was is really that good, or did we just ignore the   s? I can honestly say there was only a really, really small honeymoon period. About 6 weeks if that.

[Pieter2]

Good day Family

Everyone seems to think about idealisation periods when their BPD was the "best thing". My question is how long did it last and was it really that good? I went through my old messages on my phone and saw that I wasn't happy less than two months into the relationship. Was is really that good, or did we just ignore the   s? I can honestly say there was only a really, really small honeymoon period. About 6 weeks if that.

[Hurtbeyondrepair27]

When he moved in about 6 weeks. when we first started out it lasted 2 weeks then he would paint me black

[Deeno02]

I think I got about 3 months maybe a little more because she had a lot of stuff going on during that period, finalizing divorce, mom issues, and then mom death, so I was the go to guy and things were cool. When she did rage it wasnt at me so I didnt pay attension. I got my first come to jesus your a bad boyfriend talk around the 5-6 month mark and then it seemed bi-monthly from then out. Again, my fear of being alone made me ignore the red flags and weirdness until up to the time she dumped me. When I was 25, I never would have tolerated the BS she said to me. I would have dumped her ass the first time she said something snarky and hurtful. Guess thats my co-dependancy, fear of being alone. Fixing that as my priority.

[fromheeltoheal]

Was is really that good, or did we just ignore the   s?

About 2 months into the relationship she said 'back when we were lovey-dovey' and I thought What the heck?  So I said I know couples who have been married for decades and they're still very much in love.  She said 'you keep telling yourself that'.  Shoulda walked away right then, but instead launched into trying to love her better, trying to be a better boyfriend, trying to figure her out so I could meet her needs better.  And really, ignoring that it wasn't working and ignoring my needs entirely.  Or more accurately, if I give and give my needs will eventually get met.  Not a bad mindset I've decided, although the piece I missed was noticing what I was getting, or not getting, and ignoring that queasy feeling in my gut that was telling me this girl's whacked.  Note to self: don't do that anymore.

[CareTaker]

And really, ignoring that it wasn't working and ignoring my needs entirely.  Or more accurately, if I give and give my needs will eventually get met.  Not a bad mindset I've decided, although the piece I missed was noticing what I was getting, or not getting, and ignoring that queasy feeling in my gut that was telling me this girl's whacked.  Note to self: don't do that anymore.

Makes sense to me. My honeymoon only lasted 2 months. Then she got an all expenses paid trip overseas to a fashion show. But then she never got a visa, couldn't go and it was my fault for my bad vibes. That is when I should have got out.

Now don't get me wrong, but that just didn't sound right. She is no model, but in her mind she thinks she is. In her 34 years of existence she has never made serious money from modelling. Not in any career, mind you. For the past 2 years she works as a call centre operator. LOL

Geez, she even has her own blog. But gets no traffic. She put some pics up of herself a month ago, called 2014 SUMMER SHOOT. Geez, whish I could share them with you. Looks more like a 2014 SCENERY SHOOT as she is so small on the pics, you see no bathing costume. Only blocks of flats in the background. Probably my replacement who took the pics. Obviously he doesn't even know how to hold a camera, let alone take pics. Seeing there are no comments on the blog, I posted one and said I think the model should be wearing a bra.

But in her childish mind she is the best thing since sliced bread.

[Deeno02]

Was is really that good, or did we just ignore the   s?

About 2 months into the relationship she said 'back when we were lovey-dovey' and I thought What the heck?  So I said I know couples who have been married for decades and they're still very much in love.  She said 'you keep telling yourself that'.  Shoulda walked away right then, but instead launched into trying to love her better, trying to be a better boyfriend, trying to figure her out so I could meet her needs better.  And really, ignoring that it wasn't working and ignoring my needs entirely.  Or more accurately, if I give and give my needs will eventually get met.  Not a bad mindset I've decided, although the piece I missed was noticing what I was getting, or not getting, and ignoring that queasy feeling in my gut that was telling me this girl's whacked.  Note to self: don't do that anymore.

For sure... .I gave and gave and did and did and got nothing in return except for shirts she wanted me to wear. I cant for the life of me remember her ever asking me whats wrong. Im a Veteran and I was up front at the beginining that sometimes I like to be by myself. Go for a walk by myself, not like days alone, but just a little time frame of a couple hours where I can go get rid of bad Im having. She never understood that and I always got the your a bad boyfriend, you never spend time with me, treat me special or lose me rant. So, Like you, I would pour even more into the relationship until I shattered and became a hollow shell of myself. She broke me, and when I couldnt keep up and meet the demands and literally broke and went quiet for about a week to sort this out, when I contacted her to go with me to get help to make this work, all I got was I finally know what I want and she had already moved on to the next guy. Your so right. The missing piece was return investment. Never got any.

[CareTaker]

So, Like you, I would pour even more into the relationship until I shattered and became a hollow shell of myself.

I want to share something with you guys and girls. Looking back over the 3 years now, I can only blame myself. I saw all the right lights, and I knew in the back of my mind this woman wasn't all there. Yet I carried on.

But you know what, I can actually look back now and laugh at myself. This really was an eye opener for me, and I never in my wildest dreams could have expected that people like this actually existed. What's more scary is all your posts, and that there are more of them out there. Guys, these borderline types are really dangerous people. How was I supposed to know that?

I am just thankful that I got out when I did, and have moved on and really feel pity for her and her condition. Hopefully one day she will realize that there is a set pattern in her relationships and that maybe, just maybe she should look at herself rather. But the chances of that, I am afraid is slim. So she will just go through life living from the high of honeymoons to the lows of breaking ups. I prefer something more stable than that.

[Pieter2]

So, Like you, I would pour even more into the relationship until I shattered and became a hollow shell of myself.

I want to share something with you guys and girls. Looking back over the 3 years now, I can only blame myself. I saw all the right lights, and I knew in the back of my mind this woman wasn't all there. Yet I carried on.

But you know what, I can actually look back now and laugh at myself. This really was an eye opener for me, and I never in my wildest dreams could have expected that people like this actually existed. What's more scary is all your posts, and that there are more of them out there. Guys, these borderline types are really dangerous people. How was I supposed to know that?

I am just thankful that I got out when I did, and have moved on and really feel pity for her and her condition. Hopefully one day she will realize that there is a set pattern in her relationships and that maybe, just maybe she should look at herself rather. But the chances of that, I am afraid is slim. So she will just go through life living from the high of honeymoons to the lows of breaking ups. I prefer something more stable than that.

Don't feel bad. I am so glad I never knew about the condition and that I was as stupid as I was. Had I not been, I might have flipped out or treated her like I knew exactly what was going on. I am glad I was ignorant, and that I let her walk over me. This way she can't say I had anything to do with the demise or that I ever treated her bad. This way i know that my name is clean and so is my conscience.

[Deeno02]

So, Like you, I would pour even more into the relationship until I shattered and became a hollow shell of myself.

I want to share something with you guys and girls. Looking back over the 3 years now, I can only blame myself. I saw all the right lights, and I knew in the back of my mind this woman wasn't all there. Yet I carried on.

But you know what, I can actually look back now and laugh at myself. This really was an eye opener for me, and I never in my wildest dreams could have expected that people like this actually existed. What's more scary is all your posts, and that there are more of them out there. Guys, these borderline types are really dangerous people. How was I supposed to know that?

I am just thankful that I got out when I did, and have moved on and really feel pity for her and her condition. Hopefully one day she will realize that there is a set pattern in her relationships and that maybe, just maybe she should look at herself rather. But the chances of that, I am afraid is slim. So she will just go through life living from the high of honeymoons to the lows of breaking ups. I prefer something more stable than that.

Don't feel bad. I am so glad I never knew about the condition and that I was as stupid as I was. Had I not been, I might have flipped out or treated her like I knew exactly what was going on. I am glad I was ignorant, and that I let her walk over me. This way she can't say I had anything to do with the demise or that I ever treated her bad. This way i know that my name is clean and so is my conscience.

Oh, shes going to say whatever she wants to say about you. She cant be the bad guy. Its always our fault... .always. And thats cool. People can see through that but they dont realize that at all. They just skip on down the sidewalk with the replacement until that goes to ___, and then they will skip on down the sidewalk with another... .lather, rinse, repeat... .

[CareTaker]

Oh, shes going to say whatever she wants to say about you. She cant be the bad guy. Its always our fault... .always. And thats cool. People can see through that but they dont realize that at all. They just skip on down the sidewalk with the replacement until that goes to ___, and then they will skip on down the sidewalk with another... .lather, rinse, repeat... .

Yip, it just never stops. What a sad way to live.

I heard I was the wolf in the tale. But it was such a made up story, it was quite funny.

[Pieter2]

Oh, shes going to say whatever she wants to say about you. She cant be the bad guy. Its always our fault... .always. And thats cool. People can see through that but they dont realize that at all. They just skip on down the sidewalk with the replacement until that goes to ___, and then they will skip on down the sidewalk with another... .lather, rinse, repeat... .

Yip, it just never stops. What a sad way to live.

I heard I was the wolf in the tale. But it was such a made up story, it was quite funny.

I hear you guys, but also remember - Their friends and families get used to these stories. Mine's family mocked her about it. It was a big joke to them by then which infuriated her further. She was very embarrassed (Although she didn't admit it to me... .EVER) that she couldn't keep boyfriends around and sooner or later people around her connected the dots and realised that she was the problem. I very am glad how I handled it. Even though I wish I did more to fight back etc. sometimes I know it's for the best. The first person who told me to be proud of my behaviour in the situation was my mother, and I'm proud that she said that.

[fromheeltoheal]

I want to share something with you guys and girls. Looking back over the 3 years now, I can only blame myself. I saw all the right lights, and I knew in the back of my mind this woman wasn't all there. Yet I carried on.

But you know what, I can actually look back now and laugh at myself. This really was an eye opener for me, and I never in my wildest dreams could have expected that people like this actually existed. What's more scary is all your posts, and that there are more of them out there. Guys, these borderline types are really dangerous people. How was I supposed to know that?

I am just thankful that I got out when I did, and have moved on and really feel pity for her and her condition. Hopefully one day she will realize that there is a set pattern in her relationships and that maybe, just maybe she should look at herself rather. But the chances of that, I am afraid is slim. So she will just go through life living from the high of honeymoons to the lows of breaking ups. I prefer something more stable than that.

Really good that you're shifting the focus to you Care, best to stay there.

[emancipated]

mine blended them so well that i didn't realize it had ended until it was too late. i hated the way she talked to me sometimes it that judging parental way. I always asked that in the future can you say it like this because when you say it like that it makes me feel this way and if that is not the intention then please say it differently and then she would accuse me of not taking responsibility for something i said. Mine had a way about her that makes me think she is either an advanced form of borderline or a mix of another issue entirely because she would divert attention in a positive way and then boom come right back around with something else. She would tell me stories about how her bosses or coworkers were blatantly flirting with her and i didn't pay it any mind but would tell her they are obviously flirting with her" boy if i had only known she was well aware and trying to make me possessive this would be different" but when i would tell her about a girl i ran into at the gym she would flip a lid and all i would use to describe her is the girl with blue eyes because any other description infuriated her more and then we would engage in another great convo or go to the boom boom room and all was forgiven ... or so i thought truth be told she did go through a lot w me and my depression although up until recently i i never entertained that all that poison in the atmosphere of our home was likely making it worse