One Year Since divorce from BPD wife

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi, I just wanted to give you all an update.

Brief History:

Was married to BPD wife. While we were dating all was great. 12 hours after the wedding she wanted out. We went to therapy for a year.

I was accused of so many stuff and i tried so hard to fix it (me).

At the end, it ended. I was heart broken, regardless of being told by the three therapist that it was doomed from the start and nothing i do would have made a difference. It hurt like hell.

Slowly, the pain went away. It has been a year now and I am happy again.

I just sat with the pain, thanked g-d for giving a heart that has the ability to feel.

I hardly think about it any more.

I remember asking my therapist a year ago "what do i do if she wants me back?" His answer was great. he said:"do nothing, she will change her mind in 5 min." so true.

Friends tell me she is back to going out, clubbing, and on her 4th "meaningful" relationship in the past year. I smile and say. Thank g-d it is over.

What I learn't:

1. I can spot an emotionally abusive person a mile away.

2. I am ok with me. I am a good person, i am a good father, and friend.

3. The BPD will never (almost never) change. It is not a matter of "growing up", they do not have the tools necessary to have a stable loving life. They will repeat what they did to you with other people who fall into the emotional bulls**t

4. There outward happiness is fake.


Have hope. You will heal, they will be chasing a life that is not worth living.

[samthewiss]

Hi, I just wanted to give you all an update.

Brief History:

Was married to BPD wife. While we were dating all was great. 12 hours after the wedding she wanted out. We went to therapy for a year.

I was accused of so many stuff and i tried so hard to fix it (me).

At the end, it ended. I was heart broken, regardless of being told by the three therapist that it was doomed from the start and nothing i do would have made a difference. It hurt like hell.

Slowly, the pain went away. It has been a year now and I am happy again.

I just sat with the pain, thanked g-d for giving a heart that has the ability to feel.

I hardly think about it any more.

I remember asking my therapist a year ago "what do i do if she wants me back?" His answer was great. he said:"do nothing, she will change her mind in 5 min." so true.

Friends tell me she is back to going out, clubbing, and on her 4th "meaningful" relationship in the past year. I smile and say. Thank g-d it is over.

What I learn't:

1. I can spot an emotionally abusive person a mile away.

2. I am ok with me. I am a good person, i am a good father, and friend.

3. The BPD will never (almost never) change. It is not a matter of "growing up", they do not have the tools necessary to have a stable loving life. They will repeat what they did to you with other people who fall into the emotional bulls**t

4. There outward happiness is fake.


Have hope. You will heal, they will be chasing a life that is not worth living.

[Elpis]

What an encouraging story to read! Thanks for sharing it.

So, how do you spot an emotionally abusive person? That's the very long term marriage i'm getting out of (38 freaking years!) and I do worry about being able to avoid those in future.

[samthewiss]

What an encouraging story to read! Thanks for sharing it.

So, how do you spot an emotionally abusive person? That's the very long term marriage i'm getting out of (38 freaking years!) and I do worry about being able to avoid those in future.


We all feel pain at some time or another

Emotionally abusive people are:

1. When upset/hurt do not take responsibility fo how they feel. Others are responsible for there feelings.

2. When upset they are not looking for a fair way to resolve difficulty, they would rather stay with in an uncomfortable situation.

[maxen]

hi sam    good to see you again and great to see how you've come through! 

[Elpis]

Emotionally abusive people are:

1. When upset/hurt do not take responsibility fo how they feel. Others are responsible for there feelings.

2. When upset they are not looking for a fair way to resolve difficulty, they would rather stay with in an uncomfortable situation.

AH! these things make very good sense. I have experienced them over and over and over during the course of my marriage! I think because of the many years I was married I started seeing those things as some kind of "normal" since they certainly were common experiences.

Now that you make those points, I think I would add 3. Someone who immediately jumps to judging how you feel about something.

[Faith1520]

Thanks Sam, that's inspiring. And good for you for staying strong!

I try to keep the hope. The hardest thing for me thinking into the future is the feeling I haven't been able to get rid of that I'll never find someone who's as great as he was on his good days. If the good times weren't so great, not only do I think I would I have gotten out sooner, but I think it'd be a lot easier to heal and move on.

[stuckgirl]

What I learn't:

1. I can spot an emotionally abusive person a mile away.

2. I am ok with me. I am a good person, i am a good father, and friend.

3. The BPD will never (almost never) change. It is not a matter of "growing up", they do not have the tools necessary to have a stable loving life. They will repeat what they did to you with other people who fall into the emotional bulls**t

4. There outward happiness is fake.

i relate with that too,ive recently gotten out of my relationship,and although im not ready for a r.s or looking for right now,i keep repeating a cycle of straying clear of signs of emotional instability or insecurity in friends or people,ive developed a fear of it and the slightest sign of BPD or BPD like characteristics makes alarm bells go off somewhere.