Whats up with this?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Just wondering if anyone can give any insight.

When we were together, my exgf(BPD) didn't have much on her FB page showing that we were together. She said she didn't want to hear a bunch of crap from her ex-husband when she was dropping off or picking up the kids so she didn't post a bunch of pics of us or talk about us on her FB page. She did after a while change her relationship status to in a relationship. And there were maybe a dozen or so pics of us on her page (because I tagged her in them). It took a while before I did the tagging as well. After (I figured) enough time had passed after the breakup of her marriage I tagged some pics and I tagged a few more over the past couple years. She never complained about me tagging but she never posted any pics of me or us herself. After she broke up with me she almost immediately splashed my replacement all over her page including the 2 of them on her profile pic.

[hattrick]

Just wondering if anyone can give any insight.

When we were together, my exgf(BPD) didn't have much on her FB page showing that we were together. She said she didn't want to hear a bunch of crap from her ex-husband when she was dropping off or picking up the kids so she didn't post a bunch of pics of us or talk about us on her FB page. She did after a while change her relationship status to in a relationship. And there were maybe a dozen or so pics of us on her page (because I tagged her in them). It took a while before I did the tagging as well. After (I figured) enough time had passed after the breakup of her marriage I tagged some pics and I tagged a few more over the past couple years. She never complained about me tagging but she never posted any pics of me or us herself. After she broke up with me she almost immediately splashed my replacement all over her page including the 2 of them on her profile pic.

[enlighten me]

This is similar to me. She didnt want to anounce our relationship on fb as she didnt want her ex causing trouble. Hardly any photos of me but then again not many of her ex. She has been in a new relationship for a while now but is still down as single.

I think they see fb as their alternate reality where they are single and availanle and can get supply without risk. They want to paint a picture of someone who is desireable and available.

I have often wondered how fb can be used as a method of examining their behaviour. There are a lot of interesting things that show up. I can tell when my ex is feeling lonely as she will post lots of things. I can tell when she is lacking attention as she likes everything. I can also tell by the sudden influx of friends that she has been burning bridges with her old ones. Then theres the obvious attention seeking selfies when she is feeeling down and wants people to say how beautiful she is.

[thatwasthat]

Wow the epiphany I just had.

I always wondered why on earth I was the only guy to be kept secret.  The guys before me weren't and my replacement sure isn't either.

It just hit me. The relationship before me ended in a HUGE, and I mean HUGE  disaster. 

And I began to work at a place that had ties to all people involved.

That is the key right there.

She kept it on the down low to prevent people maybe approaching me and telling me the facts about the things she either omitted or told me a redacted version of.

[enlighten me]

I call it compartmentalisation. My ex wife was an expert at it. She kept people seperate so her conflicting tales never met. She would use smear tactics so you didnt connect with people.

[hattrick]

The thing with me is that she never tried to keep me a secret or anything. She would openly talk about me (or us) with friends and family. Always referred to me as her boyfriend. Told everyone how great I was to her. We work at the same place and everyone there knows we were an item and she didn't care about that. She freely talked to co-workers about us as a couple. Never got upset if I posted on her FB wall or anything. Its just that SHE didn't splash me and her all over her FB page. Now she does this for my replacement.

Also, when we first started dating she didn't want me to meet her kids right away because we didn't want to traumatize them and I agreed. It took more than 6 months before I met them. The kids love me by the way. Yet after she breaks up with me, my replacement is in the kids lives immediately.

[enlighten me]

I think this behaviour depends on a lot of things.

firstly how serious she is about the person. If she thinks it may work she may take it slow.

secondly how upset she is. If she is wanting to rub your nose in it.

Thirdly  who you both know. If your dating someone that you work with then they may want to keep it low key.

Just some random thoughts

[hattrick]

When we first started seeing each other we did want to keep it low key at work. But once everyone found out then neither of us cared about keeping it that way. It was pretty much common knowledge that we were a couple. She talked about it openly with our co-workers more than I did.

Also I've been told by a couple co-workers that she still says I'm a good guy. She still talks favorably about me. Still seems that she wants to flaunt her new relationship with my replacement, even wearing his jacket with his name on it to work. Also she never wore the couples ring I bought for her 3 years ago to work. Said she didn't want to mess it up as we work in a factory where this could happen. However she wears the engagement ring he got her to work everyday. I guess she doesn't mind messing that up. Maybe that ring doesn't mean as much to her seeing as how they got engaged about a month after our breakup. I personally think she's playing "house" with him.

[enlighten me]

It does seem that the less they care about someone the quicker they jump in. Perhaps its a case of her clinging onto debris after a shipwreck. She is desperate to not drown so she has grabbed on real tight real quick. Maybe you meant and provided more than she cares to admit.

[michel71]

I have posted this is other threads... .but... .I will do it again since it is so relevant.

On a recent painted black episode my uBPDw changed her FACEBOOK name back to her FORMER married name, deleted all our pictures taken together, deleted all my pictures, changed her relationship status to "ask". Thereafter when I was painted "slightly" white again, I asked her on several occasions if she would put me back in her FACEBOOK world the way it once was. She either said "no" or " I might consider it" or "let's see what happens". I was gutted every time I looked and even considered getting off FACEBOOK entirely. Then I though about it. She was just using this as another form of punishment. Why should I abandon FACEBOOK, where I don't post a lot but I do keep in contact with friends abroad, just because of her and temptation to look at her page only to see nothing of a relationship with me. So I finally solved the problem. I DE-FRIENDED HER. I thought that would end the issue but now she is livid at me, thinks I continue to "abuse" her this way. It only made it worse. I asked for forgiveness and can we please just put each other back fully and completely. She still won't and says it doesn't feel like a marriage. OUCH.

[hattrick]

Well she defriended me off FB about a week and a half after she broke up with me. Said it was because she thought it would hurt me if I saw her with someone else. But she also knows that people I work with are going to tell me what she posts.

[Aussie0zborn]

I think they do whatever is necessary at the time. If they need the replacement to take the bait faster, what better way than to announce it to their world through FB? After all, she wouldn't announce it if is she wasn't "serious" about him, right? Bait taken!

At the same time, this serves as "punishment" for you.

This is not about you. It's about how she needs to control whatever is happening in her life to achieve her objective. Don't take it personally. Your next GF might be like my (non) GF ... .she rarely uses FB and doesn't live her life through it or use it to show what a wonderful life she leads. There is normality out there. We just have to choose to find it.

[nowwhatz]

I think they do whatever is necessary at the time. If they need the replacement to take the bait faster, what better way than to announce it to their world through FB? After all, she wouldn't announce it if is she wasn't "serious" about him, right? Bait taken!

At the same time, this serves as "punishment" for you.

This is not about you. It's about how she needs to control whatever is happening in her life to achieve her objective. Don't take it personally. Your next GF might be like my (non) GF ... .she rarely uses FB and doesn't live her life through it or use it to show what a wonderful life she leads. There is normality out there. We just have to choose to find it.

This sounds familiar. I don't do a lot of fb but regularly deactivate my account and then look at it when I want to, then deactivate again. Even in the non-BPD world fb can be used as a destructive hammer and r/s killer.

My current/same and maybe soon to be ex for good finally BPDgf uses fb alot to communicate with her family. A couple of years ago after breaking up she posted she was in a r/s with some guy almost immediatley. That lasted about 2-3 months then she was back with me, lucky for him.

The most recent annoying facebook trick occured about 4 months ago. The BPDgf and I were listed as being in a r/s together for a while (no tags no photos by mutual choice it seems) then one day she changed to "ask me." haha