Was your exBPD 'stuck in the past' with things they liked?

[parisian]

This could be completely unrelated to BPD, but is just an observation. Interested in what others think/others experiences?

My exBPDgf seemed to surround herself with what I would call an excess of reminders from her adolescence/childhood, including:

- having every CD every produced from bands she liked during adolescence and (still) attending their concerts, including going to the same concert multiple times. I have music I liked (and still enjoy occassionaly) from my high school years also, but I kind of grew out of those over time. She didn't like listening to new music.

- having figurines and models of characters from that same era

- books from her childhood and multiple other collectibles of characters from those books

- t-shirts (and other items) with those characters on them

- DVDs of fave films/cartoons from her youth and collectibles from those also.

- over-collecting other items (e.g. Lego)

I realise of course people without BPD collect things but she's almost 40, and those things seemed (to me anyway), to represent her being 'stuck in time' and not maturing in her tastes.

[lipstick]

This could be completely unrelated to BPD, but is just an observation. Interested in what others think/others experiences?

My exBPDgf seemed to surround herself with what I would call an excess of reminders from her adolescence/childhood, including:

- having every CD every produced from bands she liked during adolescence and (still) attending their concerts, including going to the same concert multiple times. I have music I liked (and still enjoy occassionaly) from my high school years also, but I kind of grew out of those over time. She didn't like listening to new music.

- having figurines and models of characters from that same era

- books from her childhood and multiple other collectibles of characters from those books

- t-shirts (and other items) with those characters on them

- DVDs of fave films/cartoons from her youth and collectibles from those also.

- over-collecting other items (e.g. Lego)


Hi Parisian,

Not so much stuck in the past with "things", but with people / places. 

I have known my ex since I was fifteen years old. I recently turned fifty. My ex never misses out on an opportunity to attend our high school reunions (yuck!). He also has a ramshackle old lake house that has been in his family for close to fifty years. It's hardly ever used and is in need of repairs - yet he clings to it ferociously ! Refers to it often in conversations. The "ancestral home", as he calls it. He is obsessed with keeping the memory of his grandparents alive. They've been gone a long, long time.

He was infatuated with me in high school. Never forgot about me. Told me at one point that his memories of us occupied "prime real estate" in his mind. He has a friend (his only friend) that has known him since they were in junior high. Still hang out occasionally.Was his best man at his wedding. He doesn't throw anything away. Has a couple of items that I purchased for him when we were together. He put up pics of them on FB recently. Stating how they are his "favorites".  Why? I have no idea. I was surprised he still had them.

So yes - my ex does this. Just in a different way. I was the exception to his rule - I got tossed !   

[harbour]

Oh yes! My exBPDbf seemed almost obsessed with reminders from his adolescence/childhood. He listened, and still listens to the same old music over and over and again, like Pete Seeger, Joan Baez etc. from the sixties when he was about 12-18. His walls are covered with photos of his idols from that era. He liked to talk about his falling in love with a famous actress (20 years older than him), how he stalked her, when he was 11, found out where she lived, bought roses and knocked on her door to give her the roses. He is still sending her messages. Sometimes writing only her name, like "Ghita, Ghita... .!". He is also sending her gifts on her birthday. Once she asked him: "When are you going to stop pestering me?" And he answered: "Till death do us part". Isn't that weird? I mean, he is 61! I have wondered why she doesn't just change her phone number. Maybe she likes it. I don't know.

[harbour]

Another interesting thing is that he talked a lot about his mother, who died 20 years ago. Like, "My mother used to say... .", and "My mother liked that too", and "That was my mother's favourite  dessert" etc. All his values, interests, obsessions were and are the same as his mother's. And he seems proud of it.

[downwhim]

hep, he hardly throws a thing out. The old flip phone, the old computer and printer, John Wayne posters all over, every cd from the 60's and 70's and 80's you could ever think upL Weird to think about but yes, he saves things. I bet he still has my stuff instead of throwing it out.