Knowing what Ozzy meant by CRAZY TRAIN

[TXsongbird]

Hi... .First let me say I am currently in a state of crisis. I have known what I was dealing with for a long time now... .and like many of us, I have just spent a great deal of time being busy and "sucking it up". But the last few weeks have sent me reeling and I need support. I HAVE to get out... .and I am looking for some loving support and understanding from some folks who have been there, done that and purchased ALL the souvenirs. So, I will share some of my story both what's happening now and how I got here... .

SERENITY NOW!: My husband is a recovering addict/alcoholic and a narcissistic/BPD in denial. Lately, because I have been checking out of the relationship and finding things to do on my own he has decided that I am an alcoholic with a serious drinking problem. He has mounted a campaign amongst my friends and family to paint me as such telling them that he is seriously worried about me and he needs their help in saving me from this affliction. Now as you can imagine in the 12 years we have been together there are a couple of things I have done that have caused me some degree of shame... .he has selectively taken those things and chosen to present them to my circle as symptoms of my "drinking problem" and of me being out of control. Interestingly enough, they are somewhat benign in the grand scope of things (I got REAALLLYYY drunk, sloppy drunk... .one time 5 years ago... .I had a shoving match with my father -who also exhibits tendencies of BPD... .about 6 years ago... .things of this caliber... .) Like I said, nothing morally reprehensible but shameful to me. In the meantime, my husband has cheated on me with people he knows AND with prostitutes, lied, manipulated, been neglectful, used drugs and alcohol, he doesn't pay his bills, doesn't contribute to his very exisitence and is uber negative and demeaning... .all while telling me I look "fine" when I am dressed to the nines... .This guy has the wife who shops for groceries (for the menu he will deign to eat), pays for the groceries, cooks the dinner, AND cleans it all up... .and he complains about it needing more salt and throws half of it in the trash. A real winner... .BUT, this guy can TALK. He literally could sell heaters in hell! And he is a MASTER manipulater... .and so, as I sit here thinking I can see clearly suddenly I am questioning if there is film on the window. Now, I KNOW that's what THEY do best but I am clearly an empath and I am deathly afraid of being wrong about it all... .so I find myself looking for the magic looking glass (a fairy godmother will do) that shows or tells me what is real.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[123Phoebe]

Hi TXsongbird

Sounds like a lot of frustration you're dealing with, blah.

My husband is a recovering addict/alcoholic and a narcissistic/BPD in denial. Lately, because I have been checking out of the relationship and finding things to do on my own he has decided that I am an alcoholic with a serious drinking problem. He has mounted a campaign amongst my friends and family to paint me as such telling them that he is seriously worried about me and he needs their help in saving me from this affliction.

How did you find out about this, if you don't mind my asking?  I have the impression that these people have approached you; has this happened?  If so, how did you respond?

Hang in there... .

[Learning_curve74]

Hi TXsongbird (beautiful screen name by the way)! 

You seem to be dealing with a lot considering what you've shared about your BPD husband. I can identify as my gf is an alcoholic and BPD. I have little idea what things she tells our mutual friends (some of whom I know don't believe everything she tells them, too much like the boy who cried wolf), and no idea at all what she tells her friends that I don't know.

How have your friends and family reacted to your husband's "campaign"?

You've been through a lot. Many of us here have similar stories as yours. Hugs to you! 

[TXsongbird]

To answer both of you, my friends have come to me and shared what happened and their concern that it is a smear campaign. They have all said they know it's complete B.S. But he is trying hard to sell his brand of crazy... .He actually threatened my best friend telling her that if she told me he said I had a problem she would have to "deal" with him and that they would have "problems". This is escalated behavior over and above what I have experienced in the past... .not to mention a BLATANT crossing of the boundaries and I cant continue to do "this". The last explosion (including the threat) was night before last. It left me feeling seriously bruised (mentally not physically) and my best friend of 20+ years feeling alienated yet all day yesterday and again today he has acted like NOTHING ever happened and everything is hunky dory... .attention guests will someone please remove the enormous elephant from the room?

[123Phoebe]

Hi TXsongbird, how are things going today?

[TXsongbird]

Hi 123Phoebe!

we are currently playing the "nothing ever happened game" but it gives me some breathing room so that is a silver lining. I am researching therapists and lawyers and I will make it through. Thanks for checking on me!

[MissyM]

Wow, TX.  We seem to be married to the same addict/BPD-narcissist and both live in Texas!   It is crazy and hell.  No one has ever bought my dBPDh's smear campaign except his own family.  Sorry you find yourself here.  Welcome to the forum!  Lots of hugs and support.

[Learning_curve74]

Hi TXsongbird, I recognize the "nothing ever happened game", not much fun at all... .but good for you for looking into both therapists and lawyers. It's always important to try your best to take care of yourself. As 123Phoebe and MissyM said, welcome! Please feel free to share what you are comfortable with sharing, this is a great support community here. 

P.s. On a funny side note, the reason I clicked on your thread is because Ozzy's "Crazy Train" is one of my gf's favorite songs... .how appropriate. LOL

[TXsongbird]

It is with a heavy heart and a lot of confusion, a modicum of guilt and considerable sadness that I share that my husband suffered a severe and life-ending heart attack on Dec. 21st. Rest assured that I am doing what I need to get through this but also DO know that thus far I haven't found a resource for losing a spouse who was BPD. If anyone knows of something like that please send it my way.

[Cat Familiar]

My condolences, TXsongbird. I'm very sorry. Please keep posting here and sharing your story.