crumbling. losing me...

[RR4U]

How do you ignore the rants and not let them eat you alive.  Today my BPDh got annoyed over the bathroom soap. A Undiagnosed person would of said do we have any other soap dont like this one but no instead i get screamed at over dam soap. I kept my boundaries and did not engage. Oh but get told  i need therapy because i dont know how to communicate. Then he leaves calls and says im sorry. He might be right i do need therapy to get strong and leave... .im so exhausted. Hoping everyone has an uneventful Holiday Time... .m

[Tauriel]

How do you ignore the rants and not let them eat you alive.  Today my BPDh got annoyed over the bathroom soap. A Undiagnosed person would of said do we have any other soap dont like this one but no instead i get screamed at over dam soap. I kept my boundaries and did not engage. Oh but get told  i need therapy because i dont know how to communicate. Then he leaves calls and says im sorry. He might be right i do need therapy to get strong and leave... .im so exhausted. Hoping everyone has an uneventful Holiday Time... .m

If you love him, then don't give up on him this easy. Make sure he takes his meds and get him to therapy.

Merry Christmas

[RR4U]

He started with a new therapist a few weeks ago. He found this one on his own. I refused to help. He seems to like him and has been going. He goes again this week. I just dont know how much more to take. Every year that goes by is another year my needs are not met.

[Mutt]

It's not about soap.

Feelings = facts to a pwBPD

It's frustrating

Seeing a T is good news. You feel like you're crumbling and losing yourself. That's tough.

I'm sorry I'm not familiar with your history, are you seeing a T?

[RR4U]

No therapist for me. Seen two and both pretty much told me to set limits and not engage in the arguments and remove myself from the situation.  I actually find this page helps more knowing im not alone. I

My story simply is married for over 6 years. Legally seperated ( which i filed) but living together as married.    No children.  Wished i would of realized all the symptoms before got married.

[Mutt]

I understand. It's disheartening when our spouses don't seem to be whom they are when we marry. On the flip side, he did seek a therapist he likes on his own? That telegraphs he's trying.

Has he gone to T's in the past? If so, how did that fare?

[Ripped Heart]

RR4U

I saw a therapist during my marriage (exBPD/NPDw decision because she was faultless so I must be the root of all issues) He was amazing and really helped set things in perspective. Like you described his focus was on making sure I was ok and not allowing my own boundaries to slip. He also had several consultations with my ex to understand what he was dealing with and what her triggers were. He gave me the option to stay or to leave and either way he would help me with the decision I made. I stayed and true to his word, he instilled the strength in me that finally sent her over the edge and ended it all. We stayed in contact for a year after just to make sure I was on the right path and reinforce the journey I had been through. We live in different countries so would go through skype and every now and again he drops me a message to see how I'm doing.

However, 2 years later I walk into another r/s with a pwBPD (although totally different in every way to previous) and once the comments, outbursts etc... began I sought out a new Therapist. This time I researched and found a therapist that works with Aspergers (me) and also PD's (gf) her style is so very different to previous T (mindfullness) where she is relational. It's about taking a situation in the present, finding the patterns and then working back to the root cause.

In terms of how I deal with my gf when she has an episode, I found a lot of help on this site and great advice over the past couple of weeks. I'm just sorry I didn't find the site sooner as you said, to find out you are not alone answers a lot of questions in itself.

It's easy for someone to say not to engage and remove yourself from the situation but it's a lot harder for someone to work through the feelings it causes you by doing that. It's not easy when things are great one second and within the blink of an eye, a rage about soap or something else just as random. It's far harder when it's someone we really love and care about knowing nothing we can say or do can make them feel any better at that moment in time.

Finding a therapist who can understand that and work through those feelings with you is excellent on so many levels. It gives you a place where you can vent those feelings, be heard and validated and then look at how to deal with situations as they arise. As with mine, it's also looking at the patterns of when it occurs so I can be ready in anticipation of an outburst and most importantly, how to deal with it when it does. Between that and what I've learned on this site, I've started to stop making things worse and see an improvement in my r/s both in me and in her.