Recently out of an abusive relationship w BPD. Feel betrayed.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My whole life changed in a instant recently right after Thanksgiving 2014- New years 2015.  Literally an abrupt EXPLOSION destroying our family of 4,  my BPD now ex who doesn't like being diagnoised a BPD. Even though she is Text book classic. On good days she is willing to look at the issue.  So this is just my introduction and I'm actually living in different grieving stages lately.

I have never experienced such a disaturous holiday w/o any regard.

I went Black in her life because I began to shut down from her continual fighting and demands.  I told her NO to more irrational demands something that was out of my norm and she went straight to threats... .common EXCEPT I'd usually comply this time I couldn't.

I knew I would be licking dirt if I kept going lower... .  So I'm in recovery for this and It is good to know there is info about this insanity.

[christin5433]

My whole life changed in a instant recently right after Thanksgiving 2014- New years 2015.  Literally an abrupt EXPLOSION destroying our family of 4,  my BPD now ex who doesn't like being diagnoised a BPD. Even though she is Text book classic. On good days she is willing to look at the issue.  So this is just my introduction and I'm actually living in different grieving stages lately.

I have never experienced such a disaturous holiday w/o any regard.

I went Black in her life because I began to shut down from her continual fighting and demands.  I told her NO to more irrational demands something that was out of my norm and she went straight to threats... .common EXCEPT I'd usually comply this time I couldn't.

I knew I would be licking dirt if I kept going lower... .  So I'm in recovery for this and It is good to know there is info about this insanity.

[Mutt]

Hi christin5433,



I would like to welcome you. It's painful, hurtful and hard when your family life is abruptly broken.

I'm so sorry   I can relate.

I'm happy to hear you are in T. How old are your kids? Are they with you or mom? Are you getting support from family and friends?

Hang in there.

[EaglesJuju]

HI Christin5433, 

I would like to join Mutt, and welcome you. I understand how your life can change dramatically in a couple of months. It is really painful.  

Coping with BPD behaviors can be frustrating and exhausting.  It is normal to go through grieving stages. The feelings of anger, acceptance, bargaining, depression, and denial/isolation, seems to quickly fluctuate and sometimes seem like they are all happening at once.   

It is good to take care of yourself. Therapy is a great start. There are wonderful tools on this forum to help as well. 

What happened that led to this?

[christin5433]

My kids were 11 (hers) and 13 (mine).

She has left so abruptly that she has made it estranged with her daughter and I.

Weird.

I cant believe how one can split so BLACK and just stay there, she has smeared me with people, with her child, with everyone.

She has shut down all co existing things like bank accts, trash cans, po box (WHY PO BOX I ASK MYSELF IT IS PREPAID?)

gym membership things that could have been discussed rationally.  This wasnt some crazy violent break up? I am a decent person.

This all happen 20 minutes on her leaving... .5 days before christmas.  I thought for a moment I was gonna shoot myself?  New years day was when I finally cried.

[Mutt]

I understand. I was estranged and distorted with my SD15 as well. That was hard.

I can relate with smear campaigns. Not fun! It can be very scary what an SO distorts to others. Your SO is triggered. She fears abandonment perceived or real. A smear campaign ( some not all pwBPD ) is the result of much anxiety and stress that they feel. What she fears most is subconsciously playing out - her abandonment trauma and something she's fearful of. I'm so sorry to hear that.

She left right before the holidays makes it more chaotic and painful  You felt depressed and I had SI thoughts too when mine left. I'm glad that you have found us. There is hope.

How is S13 coping?

[Tim300]

She fears abandonment perceived or real. A smear campaign ( some not all pwBPD ) is the result of much anxiety and stress that they feel. What she fears most is subconsciously playing out - her abandonment trauma and something she's fearful of.

It's so crazy -- they leave you and act like they've been abandoned. 

[Mutt]

She fears abandonment perceived or real. A smear campaign ( some not all pwBPD ) is the result of much anxiety and stress that they feel. What she fears most is subconsciously playing out - her abandonment trauma and something she's fearful of.

It's so crazy -- they leave you and act like they've been abandoned. 

This is hard.

Has she tried to contact you?

[christin5433]

My daughter the 13 year old is adjusting well. She's 13 yes and has just glided with this crazy change better than expected. I'm so glad to check my post and get replies I have felt so inside my head and have read so much about BPD it has been a part of my routine. I notice I have felt in the early AM thoughts of her and some loneliness ... .Because I had such a attachment to her. I guess when a partner threatens to leave over anything and never does it makes you feel a warped sense of security  And then one day when you've hit your limit and you say... Go leave get out!  And she back tracts ... .And you say no you need to go with your threat because you the non BPD is done fighting a endless ridiculous battle that makes no sense . She leaves and you don't stop her... .Yes she's tried to contact me numerous times to call me names , have other people text me threats and name calling , and she's mostly texted about stuff she wants not only her stuff but mine too. When she didn't get a response she wanted ... .She shut down all things ... .I have spent my days since the first of year going through Massive feelings while she's tried to ruin me. Just because I didn't comply to her demands . I had a nice calm evening tonight reading a book, watching a movie and I'm actually ok w just my minimal stuff I have . I'm noticing I'm beginning to enjoy peace at interval moments

[Tim300]

She fears abandonment perceived or real. A smear campaign ( some not all pwBPD ) is the result of much anxiety and stress that they feel. What she fears most is subconsciously playing out - her abandonment trauma and something she's fearful of.

It's so crazy -- they leave you and act like they've been abandoned. 

This is hard.

Has she tried to contact you?

Thankfully mine has not tried to directly contact me.  She did look at my LinkedIn profile a couple times.  A buddy of mine told me that her FB wall is now a bunch of quotes about how she is a victim. (I told him not to report to me, but he did anyway.)  I actually saw one of these victim quotes just before blocking her.

[christin5433]

She has but I'm very short with her. NC. She wants stuff even though I've given her all her stuff. It's just a ploy. So I've not responded. She's actually quiet the last few days. I'm glad because when she was bullying about this stuff issue with verbal mean things towards me I was all messed up over it. So it's quiet I'm actually just enjoying the peace it is definitely weird because I've lived in chaos. But I'm sure it will get better. I'm super surprised I'm not feeling full of rage of the smearing and the way she left during holidays and shut down all of my stuff. I keep looking at life positive and when I'm down I figure I'm just grieving. It sucks the depression I get but it does go away . It's like a wave the tide always pulls away from the shore . Maybe she will just be gone. I guess a 4 year life as a family and part of the community is just gone. That's the BPD style ? Abandon she feels because she keeps saying I changed the locks on her? Yeah I did who would want a maniac in there home taking stuff and smearing u? I got off FB when she unfriended me within 4 days of her leaving . Wow not even friends . Publically wanting to ruin me.