Anything to look for in particular when choosing therapist?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hello again and thank you all for everything.

Today I took a few moments to start looking for a therapist. My morning went very well with a lot of work to keep me busy. Started to get a little down this afternoon.

Right now I am still in semi-shutdown mode when not out with people being active and think it might be a little too early for me to see a therapist and get my monies worth... .maybe need a little more detachment under my belt... .but don't want to wait too long.

I thought it might be a good idea to find a T who treats BPD people. Besides the usual detachment from exBPDgf stuff (trauma bonds, feeling foolish, financial ruin, soul on life support) there are a couple of factors I would need to address with a T.

Meds - Guess what? 1 year into crappy BPDgf r/s I was prescribed bupropion (works well) for depression and xanax for panic attacks I started having. I would like to get off xanax altogether... .have a low dosage prescription and eventually the bupropion.

When detaching from a now long-term BPD dysfunctional r/s is there anything in particular I should be looking for or questions I should ask when trying to find a good T ?

Thank you.

[nowwhatz]

Hello again and thank you all for everything.

Today I took a few moments to start looking for a therapist. My morning went very well with a lot of work to keep me busy. Started to get a little down this afternoon.

Right now I am still in semi-shutdown mode when not out with people being active and think it might be a little too early for me to see a therapist and get my monies worth... .maybe need a little more detachment under my belt... .but don't want to wait too long.

I thought it might be a good idea to find a T who treats BPD people. Besides the usual detachment from exBPDgf stuff (trauma bonds, feeling foolish, financial ruin, soul on life support) there are a couple of factors I would need to address with a T.

Meds - Guess what? 1 year into crappy BPDgf r/s I was prescribed bupropion (works well) for depression and xanax for panic attacks I started having. I would like to get off xanax altogether... .have a low dosage prescription and eventually the bupropion.

When detaching from a now long-term BPD dysfunctional r/s is there anything in particular I should be looking for or questions I should ask when trying to find a good T ?

Thank you.

[Tim300]

Thanks.  I have the same question.  I've been going to the marriage counselor we had, and she's been helpful, but I don't think she fully understands BPD.  I think I really need an expert on BPD. 

[nowwhatz]

Thanks.  I have the same question.  I've been going to the marriage counselor we had, and she's been helpful, but I don't think she fully understands BPD.  I think I really need an expert on BPD. 

I think the same way... .need a BPD expert.

[Pingo]

I think I really lucked out with mine.  I was googling 'r/s addiction' and found her website as this is what she specialises in.  I never asked if she was knowledgeable about BPD because I think that unless you are staying with the pwBPD I don't think it's that important.  You need to find someone that will validate your experience and the trauma bond you had with your ex so they can help you break free from it.  Mine just so happens to have a sister who has BPD so she ended up knowing way more than I would have imagined!  If you want to find someone who understands PD's, find one who specialises in DBT maybe?  This can be useful for us nons as well, you don't have to have a PD to benefit from these skills.

nowwhatz, I'm not sure why you feel you would benefit more from therapy by being more detached but I would suggest you might get more from it now as your wounds are fresh.  The right T can help you heal those wounds in a healthy way without bypassing any important insights and growth.

[nowwhatz]

I think I really lucked out with mine.  I was googling 'r/s addiction' and found her website as this is what she specialises in.  I never asked if she was knowledgeable about BPD because I think that unless you are staying with the pwBPD I don't think it's that important.  You need to find someone that will validate your experience and the trauma bond you had with your ex so they can help you break free from it.  Mine just so happens to have a sister who has BPD so she ended up knowing way more than I would have imagined!  If you want to find someone who understands PD's, find one who specialises in DBT maybe?  This can be useful for us nons as well, you don't have to have a PD to benefit from these skills.

nowwhatz, I'm not sure why you feel you would benefit more from therapy by being more detached but I would suggest you might get more from it now as your wounds are fresh.  The right T can help you heal those wounds in a healthy way without bypassing any important insights and growth.

Thanks for the input! I was thinking along the same lines finding a therapist that specialized in addictive relationships and understands BPD. 

Right now because of my work, responsibility and family life I feel like if I see a T and unravel I will be pretty much an invalid for a while... .can't afford it.  Sad but I am trying to suck it up.

My last T was from the VA medical center. She was excellent but I graduated out of therapy one day before my exBPDgf contacted me on my birthday after 8 months of no contact to recycle.  I am down but don't feel emotionally devastated this time. Finally gotten used to taking a beating I guess.