Thirty Days Since We Spoke

[NonAverageJoe]

It has been thirty days since we spoke and the last time I heard her voice it was anguished cry when I refused to believe her distortions of reality.

I now realize it was because I rejected her projections. I had the misfortune of seeing some old photos and old emails. I haven't deleted it all and I don't think I will. There were times when this girl was normal and I believe she was triggered by her long stay with her parents, new meds, our fights (I was stubborn and she was ridiculous) and me threatening to leave.

Next Monday will be thirty days since we last saw each other so briefly as I drove away after dropping stuff off of her door, this Sunday will be 30 days since I said anything to her directly, and coming to the next Wednesday will be thirty days 100% no contact from either side.

I do not believe she was ever truly faithful or ever truly honest but part of me has decided to remember the good for what it was and to realize that she has her own journey to embark upon. While not the most stable person ever, I was not codependent nor was I completely controlling.

I have told her parents, I have told her grandparents and found out she was lying to them a week after our breakup and I have done the right thing.

I will cherish the good memories and remember the bad though I do not wish to hold on to this resentment. While I am not at fault for the relationships end I was not perfect and even though perfection is unachievable there are many things I can still work on.

I don't want to engage her about my books, she also still has a phone (which has been bricked) but there are many photos on there that I would someday like back.

I hope that if she recovers she someday realizes that I truly did care and that I had to leave for my own sake.