New and terrified

[busymind79]

Hello to everyone here. I have come hoping to find information and advice to help me in this journey with my daughter.

My little girl is 15 yrs old and is currently in RTC after her fourth suicide attempt in the past 6 months. Before this time period, she has had no other suicide attempts or hospitalizations. It came on very quickly. She has had some brief periods of counseling before this related to an incident with a boy when she was 11. Since the first attempt in July, she has been seeing a counselor twice a week when not hospitalized in acute mental health care.

BPD has been mentioned several times since this began, although within the past week or two it seems to be in every conversation. She has been in this residential center for just over a week and I am at least able to breathe for now. I am scared for when she comes home and this starts again. I don't know how to help her and she has made it clear that she feels it's none of our business and she will do as she pleases and we cannot help her. It's a scary and sad time.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Panda39]

busymind79,

I'm glad you've found us.

I'm sorry to hear about what has been happening with your daughter it has to be so scary watching all of this go on with her. 

Do you feel the RTC is being of help to your daughter?  I'm glad it is at least giving you a bit of a respite.  Are you receiving support?  Therapy?  It is important that you don't forget to take care of yourself so you can be there for your daughter.  Has your daughter been given a diagnosis?  Typically BPD is not diagnosed this young however that doesn't mean that she isn't displaying some of the behaviors.

Have you had a chance to learn about BPD?  Do you think your daughter displays the behaviors? A good book to read for a good overview is Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Randi Kreger

I'm on this site because my SO has an uBPDxw so I'm coming at BPD from a different angle than you are but I want you to know this site and it's members have been incredibly helpful and supportive to me and I know you will find them the same.

I suggest you visit the [L5] Parenting a Son or Daughter Suffering from BPD Board there you will find other parents who will know just what you are dealing with.  Please post your story, questions and concerns I know our members will be supportive, have good ideas and strategies, and will be able to direct you to tools that you might find helpful.

Again Welcome 

[NorthernGirl]

Hello busymind79 and I'll join Panda39 in welcoming you here 

I'm sorry you are finding things scary and sad right now. It must have been difficult dealing with the suicide attempts. You will find the more time you read on the Parenting board Panda39 recommended, that you are not alone. We have some great members and information on this site that will help you on your journey.

Please tell us more about the symptoms that you have noticed in your daughter. Do you have other children as well?

You can start reading about Validation which may help you communicate with your daughter: Communication using validation. What it is; how to do it.

We are glad you found our site. 

[busymind79]

Thank you for the responses. I have been researching BPD since it was first brought up to me by her therapist a few months ago. As far as I know, there is no official diagnosis as yet other than mood disorder unspecified. Her new psychiatrist at the RTC program has said that she shows very many severe traits of BPD, but idk if that was a way of saying she is diagnosed officially or not. She is being treated as though she does have it, though.

In my own research, I was very shocked to find that the condition looks like a textbook of my daughter. She has every criteria and almost all are very severe. She has the most intense relationships I have ever seen. With everyone. Her mood swings can cycle from bouncing off the walls and laughing to curled up and crying at a moments notice as many as 5 or six times a day for days on end. Fortunately they switched her medication and at this point at least she does have a "level" mood from time to time. She consistently self sabotages and threatens. Most of her attempts have stemmed from some sort of breakdown in either a love relationship or a friendship. Her interests and goals change dramatically at least weekly and all are extremely intense. Like she has found the meaning of her existence. She is angry over any perceived criticism. If you tell her she needs to shower, she may react by screaming that you hate her and think she's filthy and then running to her room to cut. We have taken her iphone away for sending sexual texts, planning to sneak out to have sex, and for sending pictures of her cutting to other teens. This has become a battleground for her. To the point of threatening to kill herself if we do not give it back. She has threatened to financially ruin us specifically by continuing to attempt suicide to the point that we will no longer be able to afford hospitalizations. And all I this started 6 months ago. It is exhausting.

I am not sure that RTC will be of much help, because she has told us that she knows how to "act the part" and "get out of there quickly". Unfortunately, we do not have much choice as far as sending her considering she told my husband that when she got home from acute care she was going to attempt again. If she does not embrace change, nothing will help.

I appreciate the links to the articles. After reading a few of them, I have bookmarked them so I will be able to reference them again!