Newbie

[Caro_lyn]

Hello,  

My "child" is 31 years old, female, and has until just recently been living with me.( on and off) Along with BPD, she also suffers PTSD, major depression and Type 2 diabetes. She hasn't been able to work for over 10 years. We normally get on o.k., but she is presently seeking some independence, and I'm much more relaxed, but do worry about how she's coping. We remain in fairly close contact. ( texts, phone calls, visits etc.)

Am reading "Stop Walking on Eggshells" and do wish I'd read it YEARS ago.

I love her dearly, but realize that I've enabled her too much. Some days I just think that nothing is ever going to work for her- counselling, medication, but I can't give up hoping that something will magically work and I'll have my daughter back again.

I guess I don't really have a question, but wanted to join your group for some online support.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lever.]

Hello Caro-lyn

There are many of us on the board, Parenting a son or daughter suffering from BPD, who have adult children.

There has been quite a lot of discussion about the line between supporting and enabling-it is often a difficult balance. There is also a lot of information about BPD and the most constructive ways of helping.

Another book that I have found really helpful and is specifically for parents is "Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder" by Valerie Porr.

I hope that you will join us on the parent's board-I will look out for you there.

[NorthernGirl]

Hello Caro_lyn  and welcome to our community.

I'm glad you found our site as I'm sure you've had many challenges with your daughter. This disorder affects more than just the person - it has a profound impact on the whole family. Many others have read "Eggshells" and felt some comfort in seeing the descriptions and realizing you are not alone in what you've seen.

When was your daughter diagnosed with BPD? Is she in treatment for her BPD, PTSD and depression? There is lots of evidence of these all being connected, is that your understanding with your daughter?

You'll meet some great senior members of the board that Lever recommended. They also can point out some of the many tools and resources on this site. You may want to read: BOUNDARIES: Upholding our values and independence which gives some information on boundaries. Even though you want your daughter "back", you can help both you and her with good boundaries. Let us know what you think of the article.

You've come to the right place! Keep posting so we know what information and support you need to help you on your journey.

[Caro_lyn]

Hello,

It's been ages since I posted, and things seem to be going better for my daughter and I. She is back home with me again, and now I'm struggling a bit with encouraging her to unpack her boxes of "stuff" and find a place for her "treasures". Most of this has just been trucked from pillar to post without being unpacked from last time. I want her to take charge of the cull, but she's totally unmotivated. Meanwhile, my spare room and garage are overflowing.

BPD, PTSD, and major depression all figure in her diagnosis.( about three years for all 3 being diagnosed). She's on various meds, has had ECT twice, and about 4 stays in an Acute Mental Health Unit, of varying lengths.

I have to encourage her to shower, wash her clothes - things get very stinky.

I'm not sure if this reply is going to the correct place?

Caro_lyn

[lbjnltx]

Hello Caro_lyn,

Thanks for coming back to update us on the situation with your daughter.

It appears that she is exhibiting the signs of major depression.  How long has it been since she had her meds checked and/or adjusted?  While meds are not the answer to all her problems they can help give her a more stable base from which to operate.

How are you holding up with all the environmental disruption?  It would make me uneasy!  I have found that when my internal self is in chaos (worry, fear, uncertainty) that it helps to  have my environment clutter free... .just a little bit!

lbj

[Caro_lyn]

Hello, and thanks for responding.

To answer your questions about meds. She is in monthly contact with her psychiatrist, who adapts her meds as needed- but no counselling. Her psychologist uses mainly CBT and this has been going on for about 9 years.  She is becoming more open with me about how she's feeling on a daily basis, but usually retreats to her room and watches mainly horror videos when she's feeling down- which is most days. She has no close friends in town, and rarely goes out except to do grocery shopping, to the doctor, to pick up her meds. She does suffer from panic attacks often when doing that.

Carolyn

[lbjnltx]

Hello, and thanks for responding.

To answer your questions about meds. She is in monthly contact with her psychiatrist, who adapts her meds as needed- but no counselling. Her psychologist uses mainly CBT and this has been going on for about 9 years.  She is becoming more open with me about how she's feeling on a daily basis, but usually retreats to her room and watches mainly horror videos when she's feeling down- which is most days. She has no close friends in town, and rarely goes out except to do grocery shopping, to the doctor, to pick up her meds. She does suffer from panic attacks often when doing that.

Carolyn

Have you noticed her depression becoming worse over the winter months?  I've noticed that my daughter's is a little worse the longer it drags on.  Physical activity really can help.  If she is unlikely to go out of doors due to weather/anxiety would she maybe get up and moving to some kind of work out video or yoga?  My daughter loved yoga when she was exposed to it in acute care.  We got a whole dvd set and she used them mostly in the winter time when we were cooped up inside.

What do you think?  Are you up for doing some yoga or zumba dance with your daughter?

[Caro_lyn]

Hi,

My daughter loves the cold weather ( it's Summer here!), and rainy days.

She is very overweight, asthmatic and diabetic. She HATES exercise of any kind, and even walking is a problem for her. She occasionally will join me in walking her little dog, but this is very rare. She's presently trying to give up sugar, after being almost addicted to soft drinks, and is doing well, despite the withdrawal headaches

Thanks for your answer.

[lbjnltx]

Oh my... .that does complicate things.  I think the key to coming out of a slump is to introduce something new into our daily life.  Breaking the cycle we have created for ourselves can be difficult.

Can you think of anything she used to enjoy and could revisit?

lbj

[Mike-X]

 

Sorry for the struggles with your daughter, and glad you found the forum.

CPT is an exposure therapy form of CBT that has been shown to be effective in helping people to better manage PTSD, associated depression, and distorted cognitions (e.g., guilt, self-blame).

Although there are overlapping symptoms between PTSD and BPD and childhood trauma seems ro predict both to some degree, the issue do have separate causes and probably have to be treated separately.  Aspects of the therapies also transfer to help with both PTSD and BPD. It might be easier to start with treating the PTSD, if the triggering trauma is known.

Finding an effective therapist can be quite the challenge. I recommend looking for someone who specializes in PTSD or both PTSD and BPD.

I just read where you mentioned ECT as a treatment. I am sorry. It sounds as if the depression is really bad and not responsive to conventional talk and drug therapies. Have you looked into repeated transcranial magnetic therapy?