They constantly say they love you in social media but abuse you?

[Alberto]

It's something i've noticed on some people whom have clear BPD traits, but I don't know if it's common. They go over the top hailing the love for the other person on social media, but when alone, it's non stop abuse and misery.

[Infern0]

It's something i've noticed on some people whom have clear BPD traits, but I don't know if it's common. They go over the top hailing the love for the other person on social media, but when alone, it's non stop abuse and misery.

They don't want the outside world knowing what they are really like so they project this fake BS image of being happy and in such a woonderful relationship.

Mine was posting up how much she loves her boyfriend and within a few hours was coming round mine for a quick one and a cuddle, and then spooning me telling me how boring and crap in bed her boyfriend was.

They are a joke.

[hergestridge]

Overall, my exwife was quite keen on declaring my love for me. To put something behind the words proved much more difficult, because a declaration is something you can do only when you *feel* the love.

Same thing on social media. You can blurt out your immediate feeling, get a lot of feedback and then just leave it behind.

[Popcorn71]

Never mind social media. My ex constantly said he loved me - to the point where it really got on my nerves.  He put it on facebook, texts, would keep telling my kids and my friends.  It was all too over the top and only done because he clearly didnt love me but was trying to convince everybody (even himself) that he did. I strongly beleive now that a persons actions will prove their love and I will take the words with a pinch of salt.  In fact I dont think i will ever believe those words again.

[hergestridge]

Oh, and I could just forget about telling her that I loved her. It only lead to a lot of cr*p about me not saying it often enough to begin with, whether I really meant it or not and why she says it more often than me.

I just ended up not saying it at all, which of course she took as a receipt that I didn't love her.

Is there any torture worse than being set up to fail?

[peace_seeker]

My ex used to declare his love on FB to me as well. So much so that I'm like a mini celebrity on FB among his FB friends. I've also noticed a few incidents when we were having some tensions/just got over quarrels in real life, and he could take a photo of me and post it on FB with some very sweet captions, like as if nothing bad ever happened that day. Whenever that happened I used to think that maybe I was being overly sensitive in real life and he's actually more forgiving than me, which makes me felt real bad. But now i'm starting to think that he was only using FB as a tool to create the prefect couple impression like what you guys are saying.

[mywifehasbpdtoo]

All the time mine does that and will even go to the extent of acting like she loves me when ppl are around n as soon as they leave her face will drop and instantly reveal what she really thinks of me! Y do we do this to ourselves I'm tempted to use this as more of a dating site in order to avoid bein with sum 1 who has BPD

[.cup.car]

It's something i've noticed on some people whom have clear BPD traits, but I don't know if it's common. They go over the top hailing the love for the other person on social media, but when alone, it's non stop abuse and misery.

They don't want the outside world knowing what they are really like so they project this fake BS image of being happy and in such a woonderful relationship.

Mine was posting up how much she loves her boyfriend and within a few hours was coming round mine for a quick one and a cuddle, and then spooning me telling me how boring and crap in bed her boyfriend was.

They are a joke.

lel pretty much this

[myself]

My ex used Facebook to idealize and devalue me.

Not just me, but other people too.

Same as how she acted in her 'real' life.

[Trog]

It's something i've noticed on some people whom have clear BPD traits, but I don't know if it's common. They go over the top hailing the love for the other person on social media, but when alone, it's non stop abuse and misery.

Yep, constant smiling photos... I pulled them all from my world but yes, phony happiness.

Its not just social media and then crazy, I found the most hard to handle the screaming and carrying on and slashing at herself and then 5 mins later friends arrived and she acts like nothing even happened and im still a bundle of nerves from the crazy that just happened. So bizarre. And a clear    for the future

[billypilgrim]

Everything had to be on facebook.  Every trip.  Every event.  Everything.  Pictures.  And it was always inspired by something she saw on pintrest or a friends facebook.  Crap like "I've been married to my soulmate for x number of days."  "I married my best friend."  Basically anything that reads "Look at me and my awesome life!" 

I remember even saying one time that I wanted to get rid of my facebook.  She looked at me in disbelief and said, "you can't because then who would I be married to?"   

[rollercoaster24]

Heh Heh Heh yea, this is oh so familiar

ExBP was telling others that he really loved me, and me, and would act so great in public, (unless he was dysregulating then he didn't care and humiliation, abuse and violence were par for the course).

Making out to the Police, (when I was working with them copying CCTV footage or helping with crime solving) that he really cared about me and was concerned and wanted to 'protect me' from harm.

He would tell everyone lies really, hiding what he was doing himself and making out he was the victim of violence with my family.

Pfft

I guess pretty much everything about him was a lie.

[Alex86]

Oh, and I could just forget about telling her that I loved her. It only lead to a lot of cr*p about me not saying it often enough to begin with, whether I really meant it or not and why she says it more often than me.

I just ended up not saying it at all, which of course she took as a receipt that I didn't love her.

Is there any torture worse than being set up to fail?

This is exactly my experience. She didn't believe that I love her unless I said so verbally many times. It was like a

"love" competition and in the end I was the one that I didn't love her as much as her, so we had to break up.

[Xidion]

Absolutely. My exuBPD of 2 months is on facebook with smiling photos, motivational meme's, photos with the replacement, etc. They are masters of a fake smile. Guess who was at my house two nights in a row after 30 days no contact? Her. Talking ___ about the replacement. Telling me she is using him and that she doesn't see it lasting. She looked terrible, she has gained weight. Her depression is really bad. Now she is texting me and telling me she wants to cuddle. Completely two faced. It's ALL smoke and mirrors, I promise you. I never thought this day would come after how she treated me at the end, but alas. I'm in the middle of it. Smoke and mirrors, my friend... smoke and mirrors.

[Hawk Ridge]

My friends and I call it False Book.  I am still a FB friend with my ex as it is my choice to remain friends as I am quite close with her family and, again choose to keep it that way.  Having come mostly out of the fog within the past month, I am a lot more comfortable.  I am not totally out of the woods byt at least I am not so horribly depressed anymore.  I can see life without her now.

Having said that, out of self-preservation, I hide her page so I can not see anything about her posts unless it is my choice.  My new practice is only going on FB once or twice a week.  Mutual friends warn me if she posts something about my replacement so I don't have to get triggered and I don't check to see who likes or comments on her stuff.  I am so much more at ease.  It truly is an illusion what is being portrayed so ... .I am at ease.  I have her as a friend who is so busy devaluing my replacement that she is respecting me and i have her at a distance so... .I am at ease. 

[Deeno02]

I got nothing. Hand full of times she told me she loved me. Never made it to social media. Think there was only 3 pics in existence of us. Never posted us on FB or Instagram. She was ashamed of me and I was just a emotional tampon for her. Of course her new guy made Instagram which magically became unprivate so like a dumbass I clicked on and saw them. So goddamn pissed about being used for 16 months.

[Ripped Heart]

My exBPDgf was slightly different in terms of Social Media. In the beginning, it was declarations of "having the best boyfriend ever" and "Being spoiled by my lovely boyfriend - Feeling Loved" but then towards the end, every now and again she would post a location and tag me in but for the most part she would just tag herself in.

I think for her, it was because it would be easier to clean up afterwards so any future boyfriends were none the wiser.

Same with pics too, she used to take a lot of pics of both of us but not to go up on FB. Those she had printed off and put in Love frames all around my house during the first couple of weeks. There are pics of me on her FB but she always either puts up ones of me alone or crops me out if she is in there too. Challenged her about it a couple of times and she raged at how immature I was being so never mentioned it again.

Again, I think it takes too much effort for her to go through and delete everything to hide it should another boyfriend come up or if she is working on someone on Social Media.

One thing mentioned that resonates with me is that after she started sleeping with replacement at the start of December, she removed me from her relationship status and then blamed it on the fact I didn't answer the phone immediately one night she called. However, after I found out about her trying to find a way out, I was the one who walked out. She called me the next day begging to be "Friends" while we worked things out but asked that for the sake of not causing stress, could we put on an act in public.

[Deeno02]

My friends and I call it False Book.  I am still a FB friend with my ex as it is my choice to remain friends as I am quite close with her family and, again choose to keep it that way.  Having come mostly out of the fog within the past month, I am a lot more comfortable.  I am not totally out of the woods byt at least I am not so horribly depressed anymore.  I can see life without her now.

Having said that, out of self-preservation, I hide her page so I can not see anything about her posts unless it is my choice.  My new practice is only going on FB once or twice a week.  Mutual friends warn me if she posts something about my replacement so I don't have to get triggered and I don't check to see who likes or comments on her stuff.  I am so much more at ease.  It truly is an illusion what is being portrayed so ... .I am at ease.  I have her as a friend who is so busy devaluing my replacement that she is respecting me and i have her at a distance so... .I am at ease. 

She has always been private on FB and since the end of the r/s and I unfriended her, I only saw what was on her page. No status updates or anything. Then I blocked her so out of site, out of mind. Not sure if she unfriended me or blocked me, but I don't see anything thank god.