It's coming up to five months since I ended it with my exBPDgf. That relationship almost killed me.
I *tried* to remain friends after a period of NC - not out of anything except compassion for her abandonement fears. It's impossible to have a true friendship with a BPD who is an ex however, and I became increasingly frustrated with her ignoring of me - this was someone that is glued to her phone and fbk every second of the day, so there was no genuine reason for her not to respond to text conversations. She just chose not too. I poked a bit towards the end, pointing out some of her (BPD) behaviours but not labelling it as such (she is clearly aware of her illness but never disclosed that to me), and she said she knows she is not perfect but she is 100% okay with who she is... .
She made multiple statements to me that she hoped I did not regret our relationship. I did and I didn't - I regret ignoring the red flags and my own intuition that something was terribly wrong. I regret having ever let myself get involved with her. I don't regret coming out a much stronger person with healthier boundaries and now greater attention to my intuition. I don't regret discovering there is such a disorder as BPD - I had never even heard of it before and at least I am aware of this now so I will never slip into a relationship with someone that disordered ever again.
So last week I apologized to her and said I could no longer be friends anymore on the basis that I won't be ignored.
I ran into her ex a month or so ago, and suggested a coffee. I followed up with the ex to ask if she wanted to have that coffee and a chat about a few things, and now her ex now doesn't want to on the basis it will 'drag all that old stuff up again' for her. Interestingly however, my exBPDgf has of course, now made contact with that ex, and the ex is petsitting occasionally for her. I wish them both good luck with that.
I'm at the point of now being finally able to close that horrible chapter of my life. I want no more of that crazy making, abusive, frustrating drama in my life in any way. I can't continue with a 'friendship' on the basis that I now need to have more compassion for myself rather than someone who isn't interested in doing serious work on themselves. Someone who will never be a true friend.
I no longer feel the need to call in here and read or post regularly.
I have blocked her on everything possible, thrown away cards, put away any gifts, and hope she will never again appear in my life in any way.
I've learnt many lessons from my experience, and these boards were an absolute life saver at one point. Literally, so I thank everyone who posted and who responded to my messages. I hope I will never have any need ever again to revisit these boards, although I will check in, in 12 months time to update how much better my life is without her in it. It's already improved significantly in the five months without her. My anxiety is gone, I'm much more relaxed, I'm back in contact with friends, I'm meeting new people and having genuine conversations.
For those of you going through that gut-wrenching, awful, soul-destroying detatchment stage, stay strong. There is recovery and hope and getting your life back
. And I wish you all the very best xx
