Where to begin with T

[new2pain]

I have been trying to learn as much as I can about BPD and how to take care of myself and be there for her without enabling. I just made an appointment with a T for friday and feeling apprehensive about what to say or how to start. Any advice?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cole]

I have been trying to learn as much as I can about BPD and how to take care of myself and be there for her without enabling. I just made an appointment with a T for friday and feeling apprehensive about what to say or how to start. Any advice?

Start with a job interview. For the T, that is. How long in practice? Credentials? Experience with BPD? Results? You have to make sure this is the right T for you before you can go anywhere. 

[maxsterling]

Is this the first time you have been to therapy for any reason?  Is she officially diagnosed?  

I was a little nervous when I went for the first time, too.  I went because I was exhausted trying to communicate, she kept insisting there was something flawed with me.  I went in, sat in the chair, and told the T that I was having trouble communicating with my girlfriend.  She asked me to describe what was going on.  I did to the best of my recollection, and 15 minutes later the T was leaning over to her bookcase and pulling out a book called "I hate you, don't leave me".  Took T 15 minutes to suggest to me that I was doing nothing wrong, and that my girlfriend had BPD.  Two weeks later, my girlfriend admitted as such - that she had been diagnosed BPD years ago.

I'd suggest just going in there and describing the problems you are having.  Be honest, and try to keep it about you and about things you can do for yourself rather than just venting.    The awkwardness will disappear after 15 minutes or so, and the T will guide you in the right direction.

[drummerboy]

Don't think that you automatically have to stay with a new T. You have to develop a relationship with them, if they don't seem to be the sort of person you'd have a friend you probably won't connect with them in a way that will help you get the most out of therapy. And remember, there are good and bad therapists.

I think couples counselling has it backwards. It would be better off to start with each person separately so each partner can look at themselves. The couple counselling I've been to ended up with the therapist just being a referee while we traded accusations.

[new2pain]

I have been to this T one time before, this was a few months ago when I thought our problems were just differences in communications. I had no idea what BPD was at the time.  We were supposed to go to that session together but gf/exgf? Wasn't able to make it. The T did recommend that I read the same book, which helped me to realize what was going on... .Thought things were under control until xmas morning, and been on rollercoaster ever since... .T's profile says she does deal with BPD and sexual abuse as a child which did occur to gf... .She has not been diagnose. Just seems like so much to cover/get off my chest, just looking for answers and rreading all this doesn't seem hopeful although I know I love her and want it to work.