I need help, i think my gf might have BPD

[Confusedbigtime]

I need help, i think my gf might have BPD. We have been dating for 6 months and we have had some wonderful loving and exciting passionate times like no one else ive ever known but since we have started dating there is a pattern of her giving me extreme hot and cold on emotions almost weekly. It can be something which I have done to start an argument which i always take responsibility for or it can be for nothing absolutely at all where she will ignore me, block me, delete me... .only to have me begging, pleading, taking all the blame and then have intense passion again until it happens over and over and over again... .i am so out of my mind that i have almost lost everything, i dont know who i am anymore, im on meds for depression and anxiety, and im so sick i cant even figure out what is going on anymore... .PLEASE HELP ME!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[JRT]

I am very sorry that you are going thorugh this confused... .some of what you describe sounds as if it might be BPD... .there are several criteria which confirm... .it helps to research and learn about BPD and as you do so, having that better understanding really helps to explain some of what drives what she does and says... .

Another element in coping is talking about these issues with others who are experiencing the same thing or have in the past... .everyone here has suffered to some or a great degree during their relationship with a BPD. If you are like me, it helps to deal with the problem in discussing it with others who are in a similar predicament... .

I don't know what can help you in the short term other that to consider trying to go NC with her at least until you can get things figured out and get control of your life restored... .its a VERY difficult thing to do but it might be the best card that you have to play right now

[waverider]

 

If you read the resources on this site. In particular the lessons on the right, you will start to make sense of this and realize many have been in your shoes.

The first thing you need to do is to take a breath and learn to stop enabling, or pandering to her whims. This is not helping her it is feeding her instant gratification of projecting blame.

A term you will hear is to stop validating the invalid. That just adds fuel to the fire which later roasts you.

You need to believe in your ability to know what is right, and to act upon that not by reacting to her choices. You have a choice to.

You cannot fix anyone else's issues but you can stop damaging yourself.

[Bloomer]

I think Waverider said everything so well I have to second his whole post. It does sound like your gf could be showing some BPD traits. Were you susceptible to depression before you met her? How long have you been dating and when did she first start to show any negative feelings toward you?

One of the best things anyone ever did for me on this site was to tell me about self care. So i will tell you bc regardless if your gf has BPD or not, you need to take care of yourself. Make a list of things that make you feel a sense of calm or even happiness when you do them. Some of mine are listed below and you're welcome to share your list. Then try to do these things to make yourself feel some peace. You can do them just daily since you're already struggling emotionally but also at times when your gf gets upset and you feel very overwhelmed.

-petting/cuddling my dog

-drawing/painting

-going for a walk/run

-calling/meeting a friend

-having a bath

-listening to soothing music

Your list can be anything you want. Whatever makes you feel happy. I hope this site helps you to find a better space.

 Bloomer

[waverider]

Take note of this topic Needs, Wants & Values and know your own

It is easy to get drawn into the chaos surrounding someone who confuses their own

[Tim300]

I need help, i think my gf might have BPD. We have been dating for 6 months and we have had some wonderful loving and exciting passionate times like no one else ive ever known but since we have started dating there is a pattern of her giving me extreme hot and cold on emotions almost weekly. It can be something which I have done to start an argument which i always take responsibility for or it can be for nothing absolutely at all where she will ignore me, block me, delete me... .only to have me begging, pleading, taking all the blame and then have intense passion again until it happens over and over and over again... .i am so out of my mind that i have almost lost everything, i dont know who i am anymore, im on meds for depression and anxiety, and im so sick i cant even figure out what is going on anymore... .PLEASE HELP ME!

I am sorry that you are going through this.  The good news is that you discovered BPD just 6 months in.  A lot of us here didn't discover what BPD was until much, much later.  I would not mention BPD to her yet (or maybe ever).  Spend a lot of time reading about the disorder so that you know what you're up against.