I loathe him for ignoring me

[Married2monster]

We are married.  It's insane to me.  I could ignore him for months and he would act like he just saw me yesterday.  My biggest struggle right now is not taking it personally and not reading into this.  I took it personally for years and it damn near killed me.  I've resigned to this ridiculous way of life.  Now that he works out of state he seems fine.  Which naturally ignites my suspicions he cheats.  He is the best liar.  I just hate this dance.  There is no end.  I'm maintaining NC but being we are married we have to exchange texts regarding finances or him coming home or leaving to another job.  It's like he has two lives and I have excepted being utterly alone and miserable.  I need this NC to crack him so I can have boundaries but he doesn't care if I ignore him!  It's so insulting to get these lame frantic texts that consist of one sentence "will you please talk to me?"  That's it.  Everyday.  If I do have contact when we are "ok" he will intentially Sabatoge it.  If I ignore him I get that one question... .cut and paste.  As far as he will go.  I just wish he could come out and say he really is fine without me and content.  He certainly has never needed me unless he is feeling out of control and thinks I will abandon him.  Which is even more confusing that he is content day to day not having contact!  No contact no worries.  I'm stuck with stress I can't talk to my "husband" about and when it comes down to it he is free of responsibility to our relationship. 

I hate looking at my phone every night to see pretty much nothing.  I've been in the hospital and nothing.  He might peak a little panic but then disappears.  I've always accused him of not knowing what he wants and certainly not wanting me, but he won't let go.  I think he is so insecure that he won't go actively seeking someone... .but if she pursued him.  I just know he would never look back.  I feel like a sitting duck.  If I have a boundary he'll run and possibly cheat.  If I live like I'm an empty shell I can have... .well, nothing. 

[Mutt]

Hi Married2monster,



I'm so sorry to hear you are in the hospital   It's really hard when your SO doesn't show that they care by showing a little sympathy or compassion. It hurts. I can relate.

A pwBPD are emotionally immature. A characteristic of emotional immaturity is egocentricity and self-centeredness. He's egocentric and preoccupied with his own feelings and symptoms and demands constant attention. You are in the hospital, case in point

"will you please talk to me?"

I'd like to help. NC is a tool to stop the bleeding. I'm sorry, he has difficulties showing empathy. Is the issue that you feel invalidated?