Need feedback on my NC

[Married2monster]

 I have tried every approach and reaction under the sun to "help" him and maintain our marriage.  No matter what angle I come from or how happy we are; he WILL find a way to sabotage it.  In fact every time we've had "alone time" where kids are with grandma and we can go on a mini-vacation he will create chaos.  Every trip has been a NIGHTMARE.  I even got hotel room IN TOWN and let him stay home because I couldn't deal with him and needed a break.  Ended up SO depressed because I wanted the time with him initially.  I would call him and say "you should be here!  this is crazy!".  Obviously if we Nons knew the magic approach we wouldn't be here, but I do respect those who are making strides in their relationships with knowledge.  I do see now how I could be helping him set-up the attacks and traps with my reactions but in the same breathe as I said; he'll kill it anyway.  :)amned if you do and damned if you don't.  There is only so much a human being can suck-up, which is where I'm at.  One boundary dilemma for all of us must be what is too harsh or damaging?  Obviously we have to come first for sanity and health but how do you send a clear message in NC when I know after the hiatus he will still be clueless to what I'm upset about.  I could tattoo it on him he still won't understand.  For me I get the inability to relate but the complete dismissal... .that's just not right!  That's my deal-breaker.  

He works in another state so I am ignoring his texts.  Which are few and far between regardless.  In fact I don't look anymore because it breaks me when he doesn't even bother.  He won't call or push the issue of course.  How long should I blow him off?  What should I say when time's up?  :)oes this make sense to anyone?  I want to support he is aware he has BPD and wants to get better but it feels like the more I protect myself the worse he gets in behavior.  The never-ending push/pull.  Thoughts?

One more quick example of his sabotage.  This one is just funny to me and we have talked lighthearted about it looking back.  We had one of those weekends alone and I asked him to go pick up some takeout.  He got to the door and just freaked out.  It was so strange.  It was like he was turning into the Incredible Hulk out of NO WHERE.  He had no reason to spark, he apparently needed to.  I asked him near laughing what he was doing and he ended up coming back in and lifted one of the couches of the ground and dropping it on the floor.  It was so ridiculous!