Reflection After Two Weeks

[Jack2727]

It's been two weeks under NC after my breakup. I think I am settling into a better place. I'm starting to be able to process everything.

Although I dont blame myself for the outcome of the relationship, I do feel that if I would have taken care of my own problems I could avoided it all together.

- What I have learned: Every relationship I have ever had has been with someone who had BPD, NPD or a similar disorder. I feel that my own unresolved personal issues have helped attracted these people.

- My own lack of self esteem has caused me more pain than I could ever imagine.

- I have a problem with developing proper relationships. I tend to be attracted to the love stage. Perhaps I am a bit BPD myself.

- My own fear of abandonment and what I have experienced in modern dating has made me become more pushing in regards to sex. I feel that my own self percieved inadequacies will cause abandonment so I try to get a fast physical connection to prevent that. Hence, why I tend to wind up with BPD's.

- I would jump into rebounds to try to heal the trauma of a previous failed relationship, but in actuality it would just be bringing in more pain.

- I can overcome this with the proper knowledge and self awareness

- I will date again but not until I settle my own demons

- I will need to set bounderies in my next relationship

I know regardless if she recycles or not I need to take care of my issues. As much as I cared about her I know she wasnt good for me. I feel sorry for her because she has a disease. I wish she didnt have it. But she does. Summer is five months away! Time to get ready for that!

[CloseToFreedom]

Good for you for working on your own issues! They are very much comparable to mine. I think they're not BPD issues, but co-dependency issues.

While my ex is already on to the replacement, I choose to be single for a while to become a better person.

[Jack2727]

Hey,

I think we co-dependants need to settle that part of ourselves until we can attract the right people for long term relationships. I don't think I have taken a break from dating for 15 years. I have always gotten back out there and I think that has been the problem.

I can totally understand what you are going through. Just remember, they may have a replacement but they will always wonder about you and in sometimes recycle back.

I think I have made up my mind if she does come back that the relationship door is closed. The way she dumped me at my darkest hour and her BPD disease is something I don't want to deal with.