I agree with the others - keep your distance from her, never ever reach out to her, and if she reaches out to you then document it. A normal person in fear of an abuser will not call. Record any contact you have with her.
By my calculation she has another month and a half where she could reinstate the case? So be extra careful during this time. You cannot, not even once, say anything that could be distorted and twisted into claims of abuse or that you're guilty of something. Even a simple "I'm sorry" could be claimed by her to be an admission of guilt.
Especially... .never ever think about apologizing to her or saying you're sorry for anything you've done or she thinks you've done. Why not do the normal thing? Because she will use anything you say against you. My lawyer said his first task with a new client was to sit on him or her... .to be a client he or she had to have already be in a predicament and he didn't want any risks of the case getting even worse. The old saying, Loose lips sinks ships. The risk in your case, loose lips sinks you. You have one foot in the door already, be aware, beware.
Can you go to the police and report she has been calling you but ask them just to log it and not contact her? Even if you don't do anything now it may give you basis to file later that she's harassing or stalking you. Those are strong legal terms.
That way, if you do end up in court again, you could start a case against her too and then ask for psych evaluations. If there is only her case against you then it might be difficult to get psych eval of her, but if you both have cases then maybe you both can be evaluated. However, I am not a lawyer, I don't know what can or can't be done, what should or shouldn't be done.
Have you informed your HR department? Legal advice from a lawyer may include updating them so they will think twice and do some investigating before reaching conclusions or decisions about you.
Henceforth do not admit to any wrongdoing whatsoever. In times like this open honesty - when the other is dishonestly trying to trap you - will make things worse. Before opening your mouth, get your lawyer's advice. "Silence is golden" and may protect you from making things worse. There are generally three answers you can give... .Yes, No and "I don't recall" or a variation of that. Beware of things like "Yes but... ." since the court may stop listening after the first word.
A person who has made false allegations, such as happened with you, is someone right to keep at a distance. Mix in a PD and it is a very volatile combinations. BPD is a Mental Illness. By definition mental illness does not make normal sense. Yes, it can be described, patterns discerned, written up in textbooks and taught in psych classes but it still won't make sense. So stop worrying about whether she does or doesn't know the impact of what she does, you may never be able to be sure either way. Just accept it and keep away.
Lastly, doesn't matter whether she knows it or not, she is setting you up when she fails to call back and then you end up reaching out to her. You have to STOP that. You can't afford to be a White Knight in Shining Armor. She's busy morphing you into a Black Knight and priming the cannons and pointing them at you. Metaphorically, you have a butter knife and she has access to cannons.
The only other thing I can say is that she also had her ex arrested for "affray" and then didn't make a statement then either? It was the same police force involved (even one police officer was the same) and that again was thrown out as I remember. She would have to go back to the same police force again to make the statement against me 5 months after the event was closed so I'm hoping they may start realising she's an attention seeker and a time waster. She did the same thing with her ex... .making all kinds of accusations but when it actually came down to it, she refused to take it any further. Surely the police, who should be trained in these matters, must have an inkling that all's not what it seems?
That's what we expected, if she has so readily done this to you, then she's likely done it to her prior relationship partners. (Ended relationships are often described as 'abusive' since the pwBPD can't accept the fault for the end, so she has to blame someone else and shift blame, onto you of course. If you can document that she has a pattern of painting past BFs as abusive, then her claims against you may be weakened and less credible.
Hi ForeverDad and thank you for your post and all the other kind people for their time and efforts to offer advice.
I'm afraid I've already done the apologising during very upsetting and distressing phone calls she's made. I think I mentioned earlier that I admitted pushing her during the argument but that's because she kept pushing me in the chest and goading me to hit her, which I wouldn't, couldn't and didn't. I pushed her away from me and that was it. She got me into such a state on the phone and I was dumbfounded by the accusations she was making but I apologised for any hurt (not physical) that I may have caused during our relationship. May I just say at this time that I'm also a woman. I don't know why but she was always able to reduce me to tears and it was very much under duress being slated by the woman I thought I still loved that made me apologise for anything. I was so upset (it was the first time we had spoken in months) and didn't expect her to go down this route again when she first called. I did what I've always done and tried desperately to appease her; to calm her down and the only way I ever knew how to handle her hysterics was to just agree with everything and hope to move on to a different subject. It was after the fourth phone call that she played her trump card and told me she had recorded our conversations. I felt sick and couldn't believe she was setting me up knowing full well how to play me. Obviously since then I haven't had any contact at all realising what she's been doing but I've already apologised too much... .even for things I haven't done. I just wanted her to stop screaming abuse at me.
She is the most manipulative, verbally and emotionally abusive person I've ever known at times and she has hit me on several occasions but of course should I try to offer that information to her, I get screamed at some more and told I'm a pathological liar. I end up staying quiet while she rants and that's how it's always been. I have contacted the police and they're aware she's been in touch but as I've said, they told me for a complaint to be logged, I would have to allow "positive action" from their side and I was told she would have to be approached and spoken to. I just can't afford that scenario right now. The only thing I have on my side is a catalogue of abusive, derogatory and vicious texts and emails she's sent me over a long period of time; stuff that I myself would be humiliated to show they're that offensive. As a pwBPD, I can only hope that she wouldn't want to be exposed as the complete opposite to what she is now portraying to those around her. I know her well enough to know this would be an incomprehensible fear for her... .she knows I have all the texts and emails which would show a completely different side to her than the beautiful, lovely natured & vulnerable woman that everyone thinks she is. For her to be "outed" as a fake in a courtroom in that way when none of my texts or emails are in any way vicious, would be the worst case scenario for her. That's all I have in terms of my defence plus as you rightly say, a normal person in fear of an abuser would not call. I have no idea what's going to happen... .unfortunately right now all I can do is wait. Once again, she's in control of what happens next.
