Judge if you must

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Me and my ex have been split for about 7 months and the typical story. She began dating Someone almost immediately... Hid it from me ... even when directly asked if there was someone else. Truth be told this has been downright stifling I feel like I make head way and from time to time it beats me down still. I miss her I still think about her a lot admittedly less than I used to . I know I can't take her back even if she wanted to I moved I changed my number all of.these things have brought me slightly more peace of mind... long story short I.came across an email she sent her ex bf long before we got together. What made it interesting was how she always described this relationship to.me and yet in this email she said all the same things she ended up saying to me. I feel like don Quixote lancing a windmill . I fought for nothing and almost lost my life and all I ever was was a pawn. I wasn't special ... I wasn't her hero I was just a guy... I don't know how much if anything I feel for the new guy but I hope she does find happiness and that I was in denial ... I think she is really BPD. I can't stop loving her and missing the dreams ... of all the things I miss was something definite to fight for

[emancipated]

Me and my ex have been split for about 7 months and the typical story. She began dating Someone almost immediately... Hid it from me ... even when directly asked if there was someone else. Truth be told this has been downright stifling I feel like I make head way and from time to time it beats me down still. I miss her I still think about her a lot admittedly less than I used to . I know I can't take her back even if she wanted to I moved I changed my number all of.these things have brought me slightly more peace of mind... long story short I.came across an email she sent her ex bf long before we got together. What made it interesting was how she always described this relationship to.me and yet in this email she said all the same things she ended up saying to me. I feel like don Quixote lancing a windmill . I fought for nothing and almost lost my life and all I ever was was a pawn. I wasn't special ... I wasn't her hero I was just a guy... I don't know how much if anything I feel for the new guy but I hope she does find happiness and that I was in denial ... I think she is really BPD. I can't stop loving her and missing the dreams ... of all the things I miss was something definite to fight for

[CloseToFreedom]

I am certainly not judging, so no worries    I recognise the pain.

I am the same way. I know I can't go back. I went back 10 times. She is with someone else now. Going back would bring shame upon me, my mates would hit me in the face, my parents would stop helping me, my work would say Im crazy as each time we break up my work is suffering because of it. So if I take her back I would basically ruin my life.

And yes, I feel deep love for her, or for the illusion she presented to me. That is what you are missing anyway, not her, but the thing she pretended to be, she gave you feelings you never knew you missed. Its hard to let that go, but a start is to realise that this is why you are missing her. Not the person. The feeling she gave you in the beginning.

Stay here and talk with us about it. We've all been there, and I still have this feeling, so no one is judging.

You have to start and realise that this disfunctional relationship would destroy you if you took her back. There will be less and less of you, until you're so small that there's no getting back up. There are loving people out there and you will fall in love again, and hopefully it will be with a sane person that will make you understand what real love is. Until that time, just take it a day at a time, and talk about it with people who understand, like us.

[Deeno02]

Ditto. To return to her would be my destruction. Cant have that at all. No judgement man. Same book, different page. 

[raisins3142]

Sorry to hear of this, and I can relate in a lot of ways.

It is a blessing in a way that if you went back to her everyone would be on your case.  My situation is similar.  After the last break up, I spilled my guts about her to close friends and family and they were all shocked at the depth of it all.  So, even though I don't want to go back, having my entire support system agree I should not gives me strength and resolve.

[emancipated]

Thank u all for the kind words ... I finally met someone and it didn't work out I think that first attempt back into dating and feeling like I maybe ready was new but at the same time frightening because after it didn't work I thought a lot about my ex... she has put on a lot of weight since she got with this new guy... I can't tell if she is pregnant or not if a baby is born in the next month or so I'm in trouble if anytime.e after hopefully they live a happily ever after. I still don't feel anger towards her... I know I did plenty and I think what I blamed myself for a long time was triggering her and seeing that as an excuse to place the blame souly on my shoulders something she has no qualms about doing... Being 6 hours away with a new number helps but the nc I'm having a hard time with is the Facebook social media stuff... granted snooping found that email which although painful I feel got me another step closer to freedom ... I would think if she was pregnant she would be showing that off and that fact she isn't leads me to believe Mr wonderful is fattening her up to make himself feel better... thank u all for ur kind words and any constructive feedback would be appreciated... And to my friend deeno I hope volleyball practice goes OK for u my friend

[raisins3142]

I wouldn't worry about a date not working out.  It is common to date a bit in a casual way before you find someone worthy of a relationship.  Me thinking each date was too big a deal is partially what got me stuck in bad relationships in the past.

As far as social media, I got around this by blocking her and then cancelling/suspending my accounts for the time being.  FB makes it hard to permanently delete, and I have reactivated briefly to see her publicly viewable stuff.  But it is much less common a thing than it would be if I were actively on the sites and had her as a friend or whatever.  Going off social media to focus on yourself and immediate relationships might not be the worst thing, if you need it to remain NC and keep your head where you'd like it.

[HappyNihilist]

No one here will judge you, emancipated.   There's no shame in loving someone.

I love my exBPDbf. I miss him in a lot of ways. I also know that our relationship wasn't healthy for me or for him. Detachment does not mean we stop loving our ex or grieving our loss.

I know I can't take her back even if she wanted to

You know your own truth.