Being a thermostat instead of a thermometer

[Depression = 72% of members]

There is a daily read that I use sometimes and that was the reading yesterday.  I have been having more and more success with this but love the way it is phrased, being a thermostat instead of a thermometer.  Yesterday my dBPDh was dysregulated over some health and money issues.   I was validating but he was in a negative spiral and was trying to blame me.  I held my boundary that I wouldn't have a discussions in which I was being blamed for things that were clearly out of my control, I told him I loved him and wasn't going to have a discussion in this manner.  I kept myself safe, felt happy and moved on.  It took him  until today to move on, also.  If I had gone down the rabbit hole with him and been a thermometer (basing my mood and feelings on his), then this would have lasted for many days.  Amazing how much better I feel and in turn how much quicker everything passes.

[MissyM]

There is a daily read that I use sometimes and that was the reading yesterday.  I have been having more and more success with this but love the way it is phrased, being a thermostat instead of a thermometer.  Yesterday my dBPDh was dysregulated over some health and money issues.   I was validating but he was in a negative spiral and was trying to blame me.  I held my boundary that I wouldn't have a discussions in which I was being blamed for things that were clearly out of my control, I told him I loved him and wasn't going to have a discussion in this manner.  I kept myself safe, felt happy and moved on.  It took him  until today to move on, also.  If I had gone down the rabbit hole with him and been a thermometer (basing my mood and feelings on his), then this would have lasted for many days.  Amazing how much better I feel and in turn how much quicker everything passes.

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[Cat Familiar]

Thanks, MissyM for sharing that. It's a good phrase to keep in mind.

I've been really upset being around my depressed husband for so many days as he's gone into the depths of his black hole.

But then yesterday, I ended up spending several hours trying to help catch a neighbor's wild baby ram. He led us on a merry chase through the brambles and outsmarted four people and a sheepdog. It was like trying to catch a deer. Even the Animal Control officer was unable to capture him, even when we had him cornered.

In the end, the son of our masonry guy, who was working on our property, was able to grab him in mid-air.

I came back to the house in such a good mood. It was fun hanging out with my neighbors, going on the merry chase and finally having success, even though I was dirty, covered in scratches from the berry bushes and quite exhausted from running up and down the hills all afternoon.

With me being in such a good mood, my husband unexpectedly started coming out from his gloom. Who knew? Previously I felt it was my responsibility to be a cheerleader. OK, done with that--I've got too many responsibilities to take on this fool's errand any more.

[MissyM]

With me being in such a good mood, my husband unexpectedly started coming out from his gloom. Who knew? Previously I felt it was my responsibility to be a cheerleader.

Amazing, isn't it?  I can be responsible for my own mood and feelings, not basing them on my dBPDh's is really changing my life.

[Cat Familiar]

Love this metaphor. I wrote it on my BPD list of inspirational quotes.