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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: Anyone deal with devil voice?  (Read 750 times)
Married2monster

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« on: January 26, 2015, 06:22:39 PM »

One more... .

I'm dying to know if anyone experiences this. Mine will be crying in despair trying to convince me he is sincere to all of a sudden out of nowhere... .the DEVIL VOICE!  

It's COMPLETELY opposite in message, tone and delivery.  Sometimes he says things that are so out of left field and really pointed.  "I might as well die I'm such an ahole" or "I'm a piece of that should have never been born".  

It freaks me out.  Literally sends chills up my spine.  I'm doing nothing to provoke it, he isn't responding to something I said.  It's just out of nowhere.  It's like the REAL him slipped.

I notice it especially if his attempts to woo me aren't working.  

The pity party right?


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Mutt
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« Reply #1 on: January 26, 2015, 08:14:02 PM »

I notice it especially if his attempts to woo me aren't working.  

The pity party right?

It sounds like he wants rescue - waifish.

A pwBPD have low self worth, low self esteem, attachment patterns pre-occupied with fear. I agree I think he may be telegraphing subconsciously how he truly feels.

I answered another one of your threads. He's self aware, he understands he's disordered. I had asked if he's in T, he sounds like he's untreated.
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"Let go or be dragged" -Zen proverb
cloudten
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« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2015, 07:41:44 PM »

Yes! Yes!  For a long time when we were in LC or NC he was renamed in my phone as "the devil". I truly believe there is almost a component of schizophrenia to my BPDbf. He will completely come out of left field with horrible comments and insults, and it will be in a totally different tone of voice, dare I say personality even. One of his favorite things to say -sing actually- when he is feeling rejected or otherwise "no body loves me, everyone hates me, guess i'll go eat worms"

... .or he'll say "you don't love me, i'll just go play in traffic"

What the heck!
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charred
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« Reply #3 on: January 27, 2015, 10:41:52 PM »

Odd you would say the real them slipped out.

Have said many times, something about the phases. At first they idealize you... but with my pwBPD, it seemed sort of phony... in fact my folks couldn't stand her, saying she seemed phony. Later when she was clingy, it seemed partly true but only 1/2 true. However, when she was a hater... WOW, never in my life have I seen someone who could be so 100% consistent with such fury. My exBPDgf could be Jodi Arias's clone, she easily could stab me 29 times then shoot me a few more times just to be sure the job was done. Pure evil is the only way to describe it... and the voice ... well "devil voice" is a great way to describe it. I think that is as close to a "real them" as we get to experience.
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Terrychango

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« Reply #4 on: January 28, 2015, 06:13:34 AM »

Yes My Ex GF had that, But she never remembered doing it (or so she told me, i was never sure).

I have thick skin so it never used to bother me, it got to the point where I once wound this side of her up because I wouldn't validate the voices feelings to the point I laughed at them as I knew they were not her real feelings.

I'm not so sure is the real them, I think it may be them trying to reject you before you reject them.
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french toast

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« Reply #5 on: January 30, 2015, 09:21:56 AM »

Wow, your post really resonated with me.  My dBPDw does it too, I call it the "Condescending Teacher".  She has accused me so many times of interrupting her that now I find myself holding back any verbal response until I know she's done speaking but now she's using the "voice" when she's done and I don't immediately show validation that I heard her. 
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Haye
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« Reply #6 on: January 30, 2015, 10:06:00 AM »

A pwBPD have low self worth, low self esteem, attachment patterns pre-occupied with fear. I agree I think he may be telegraphing subconsciously how he truly feels.

I think this too. The pwBPD in my life is aware of his disorders and the type of borderline who points all anger and hatred inwards. He also dissociates/splits between two different extremes of him: The one is wounded and hates himself, the other is cold, sarcastic, even a bit cruel and doesn't care about how other's are feeling. The soft/wounded guy is his more usual side and what the nastier 'side' of him says and does gives the 'nice guy' even more reasons to hate himself. It's horrifying.
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