Just venting after a bad night

[Yaffle]

Yesterday was the anniversary of my GFs father’s death.  I think it was one of those days where no matter what I did it would have been wrong and her being upset would have become my fault.  It started the night before, she went out with her mother to reminisce/take their minds of the anniversary.  She stayed over with her mum but came home early-ish in the morning to take the kids to school.  She wasn’t happy about this and obviously thought I should have taken some time off work to do the school run.  I’d already taken a couple of hour off on Monday to take them as she spent a night away with a friend.  I did ask her if she was alright but she basically wasn’t speaking to me. 

During the day I text her about booking a holiday partially to get her thinking about happier things but I only received a couple of replies to my messages before the responses dried up.  I assumed she was too busy to answer and was busy myself at work so left it at that.

When I got in I could tell she wasn’t happy with me – the conversation was quite stilted but I wasn’t sure if it was just a carryover from the morning.  Then it came out ‘Why didn’t you ask me how I was today?  You know what day it is.  It’s obvious you don’t care otherwise you’d have asked me how I was’ etc. 

Later on she was sat in a different room on the phone to her mum, then she got up and came into the room I was in and the phone call went along the lines of ‘Well you know who cares about you, if they haven’t asked you how you are on today of all days they’re not worth knowing.’  I think they may have been talking about someone else but I’m pretty sure I was meant to hear that part of the conversation as a bit of a dig. 

Later on she posted something on facebook along similar lines.  No mention of my name but…

I played football later and it carried on along similar lines when I got back apart from it escalated to her telling me it was all over, she started wailing at one point and was also sick.

I do feel sorry for her about her dad dying  but I think it was one of those times where she felt upset and just wanted to blow up at someone. 

Anyway, it’s a new day today and I feel better now   

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[formflier]

 

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[waverider]

I dont know if there is any merit in this, but one theory I heard about how a pwBPD handles the death of someone they were close to is they see it as an abandonment by someone who cares about them. Hence the hypersensitivity about you not caring about her feelings and feeling abandoned.

It could be a form of projecting her feelings about the loss of her father on to the loss of your support.

Or that may be overthinking it a bit. Sometimes you just need to roll with it and concentrate on not making it any worse than it need be, and let it pass.

[Yaffle]

Thank you for your replies and sorry for not getting back sooner.  Been rather busy at work.  I think basically its an issue I need to address earlier next year so I can plan my reactions. I think I knew what was coming and hid from the situation rather than alleviate it. 

I managed to use SET rather better on another issue earlier this week which stopped things going too far!