severely depressed.

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi. I found this site as my spouse ridiculed me for needing validation. He treats everyone but me with the most respect yet yells, curses and is incredibly harsh with me. He doesnt listen to anything I say, he's always in his phone and never makes contact or shows interest in my feelings. I feel alone. Im not respected and this has ruined my self esteem. My mother passed 7 months ago and that coupled with my troubled relationship is bringing me to an all time low. Im so depressed. It's scary. :'(

[hopeful84]

Hi. I found this site as my spouse ridiculed me for needing validation. He treats everyone but me with the most respect yet yells, curses and is incredibly harsh with me. He doesnt listen to anything I say, he's always in his phone and never makes contact or shows interest in my feelings. I feel alone. Im not respected and this has ruined my self esteem. My mother passed 7 months ago and that coupled with my troubled relationship is bringing me to an all time low. Im so depressed. It's scary. :'(

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Hopeful84,   

Welcome aboard.  I am sorry that are going through a difficult time. Also, I am sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one is very hard. Combining the loss with a lack of validation makes it even harder.    Many of us have felt exactly the same as you do.  You are not alone.   

Learning how to communicate with a person with BPD (pwBPD) is really beneficial.  Using communication tools gives you the ability to express your feelings or concerns in a way that is less triggering or argumentative to a pwBPD. Communication tools have been a lifesaver for me. I have discussed very difficult things with minimal arguing or triggering.  Here is a link to help you get started.

Communication tools (SET, PUVAS, DEARMAN)

There is a tendency to forget about ourselves when we are in a relationship with a pwBPD.  It is really important for us to focus on ourselves first. I understand what it is like to feel emotionally drained.  Having a support system of friends, family, and my psychologist really helps me.  Do you have a support system?

Sharing your story really helps.  Perhaps you can share more of your story so we can help you better?