i think theres going to be a recycle attempt in the near future.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I have been nc for a couple of months with her trying to mess with my head. I think she's coming back her friends all now know she is nuts and something is causing her to flip out emotionally again. She keeps bringing me up in conversations. And doesn't like how her friends ignore her as it was her decision to leave.

I have a tough decision to make in the next couple of weeks. I thought I was done with this. But with everything that's happened and the fact that I have been her main relationship since she was 16 I'm really conflicted.

[rapror496]

I have been nc for a couple of months with her trying to mess with my head. I think she's coming back her friends all now know she is nuts and something is causing her to flip out emotionally again. She keeps bringing me up in conversations. And doesn't like how her friends ignore her as it was her decision to leave.

I have a tough decision to make in the next couple of weeks. I thought I was done with this. But with everything that's happened and the fact that I have been her main relationship since she was 16 I'm really conflicted.

[eyvindr]

That's a tough one, rapror. I'm sorry you're struggling with this.

I can't think for you, obviously -- only you can make the choices that are right for you. I can tell you, from my experience, that I know I have had, in the past, pretty weak defenses against getting roped back into the r-ship I had with my ex. I loved her a lot, and when she wasn't dysregulated, she was a terrific person to be with. In fact, that was always her argument against breaking up -- while she never acknowledged that she might have BPD, she always contended that all couples had problems, and despite ours, we were meant to be together. It's all the stuff of heartbreak. Think Richard Burton and Liz Taylor -- I think it's called a high-conflict relationship. I'm tough enough to live through it, but not to maintain it without starting to have regrets and resentment.

Even now, nearly 6 mos out, I don't know how well, or if, I could resist her -- if I were to see her. I have to maintain NC for my own sake -- that's what it's for. She has stated consistently throughout her ranting, before I blocked her from all channels, that she wants to reconcile but that, if not, she isn't interested in a friendship. That's pretty clear to me, whether her words mean the same thing to me or not. I'm really not interested in being in any kind of a relationship with anyone if it isn't based on friendship first.

I guess, think about what you have to gain or lose by being with her, and what you want for yourself out of your life, and what your dreams are for how you want to live it, and honestly consider what is and isn't possible with a person wBPD in your life. Hang in there.