parrotheadNpendleton
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Gender: 
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 4
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« on: February 07, 2015, 02:59:01 PM » |
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My story... .I had an extremely dysfunctional childhood. I met my H shortly after I graduated from HS and thought he was "it". He was gorgeous, friendly, and paid attention to ME. I was intoxicated by him or maybe just the idea of someone paying attention to ME. Anyway, we had our first child before we were married - 4 years into the relationship. We married 8 months later. (His proposal - "Well - I guess we should get married"... .should have clued me in, but I thought that was what I wanted). Had another child a year later. When first child was born, there were many complications and I ended up quitting my job to be home with him. I have been a SAHM ever since. Things were never quite "right" between us... .lots of heated arguments, slammed doors and such. H was always at work or at his parents house - while I was home with 2 young children. This was a very depressing time for me when I should have been happy that I finally had my "own" family. We moved to a bigger house out in the country when the kids were 2 & 4. Shortly after the move, my husband got in a alcohol induced car wreck and hit a tree head on - putting him through the windshield. He recovered, but his demeanor and actions just kept getting worse toward me. He has never been physically abusive to me, but the emotional/verbal abuse (which I never recognized until recently) was abhorrent.
Anyway - about 6 months after the "accident" he had his first "affair" with my supposed best friend. I discovered it during a "dream" and confronted my "friend" who confirmed it. When I confronted H - he tried to lie at first and then admitted but said it wasn't a big deal bc they never had "Sex" - BIG DARN DEAL - to me this was an emotional blow like no other before it. I finally got over it with enough time passed and we had another child. We both thought this was a wonderful gift and were happy to start over fresh - or so I thought. When baby #3 was only 8 months old, he started another affair. This one went on for months behind my back and I only found out when he admitted it because she was pregnant and he thought the baby was his. He thought it would all come out in the wash anyway. During the 9 months of waiting for paternity test, he was the "man of my dreams" - no kidding! But I was unable to enjoy any of the attention - even the trip to Jamaica - because of the tenable situation. Fast forward to paternity... .the absolute DAY we got the results and they were negative he changed back to the same old ways he had always treated me... .this is not an exaggeration.
It took me many long years to get over this one... .but I had finally done it (even all the while he was being emotionally unavailable, distant and downright mean most of the time)... .I did it for the kids. I didn't want them to grow up like I had... .in a broken home... .feeling abandoned. Now, I can't say that I was the same loving, trusting wife I had been before all of this happened and I am sure it took it's own toll on our marriage, but I have done the best I could with what I had to work from.
Fast forward 12 years from second affair... .we are still fighting and the tension in our home is palpable. I find out I am pregnant yet again and at 41 years old. I am devastated bc I was on the verge of leaving the situation... .and now have to start over again. Had a horrible pregnancy - but my little angel was born and all was well for a bit. I asked H to move to a different room because of lack of sleep with new baby and his snoring. He agreed. He has put forth zero effort to make our marriage work during all of these years - drinking excessively, smoking weed and "burying his head in the sand" - no date nights, no affection unless he wants sex - nothing!
2 months ago, I found him sexting on our living room couch and looked into cell phone records where I discovered he had been doing it with same person for 6 months. This was the straw that finally broke my back... .I told him either he gets help or we are done. I was very calm and still am... .told him I would wait and see, but that basically we are only married on paper... .TBC... .
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