BPD & psychopathy, emotional surplus and deficit, shallow affect

[pilgrim]

For five years I thought the wife I was divorcing was a "high functioning" BPD.  A few months ago I learned via my own psychologist that more likely she was a psychopath, or some combination, i.e. "borderpath."

When we get into a relationship with a BPD, we focus on the extreme rage (emotional surplus).  Only decades later did I appreciate the emotional deficit - the fact that I never saw her scared or anxious in 20 years (psychopaths aren't capable of experiencing fear).  Virtually never saw her sad (BPDs and psychopaths respond with rage to things a normal person would be sad about).

Shallow affect is one of the factors in psychopathy.  When my ex would rage at me, completely over the top, then 10 minutes later she was as if nothing happened and ask me "why are you still upset?"  I think this is shallow affect.  She learned early in life that raging gets her what she wants.  She doesn't really experience it deeply, it's a manipulative tool, though perhaps unconscious.  Psychopaths learn to mimic emotions to manipulate.  They can turn on a dime if one emotion doesn't get the job done.

I've been out for 5.5 years so starting to see this more objectively.

Interested in your feedback.

[raisins3142]

Mine had "resting b*tch face" most of the time.  Just a dull scowling look.  She knew this.  When she needed to be fake, she would smile fakely, but she was pretty good at it.  Her public persona was over the top fake.  At the end, I resented that.  Random people got this bubbly, giggly, smiley, flirty thing and I got Nosferatu.

[Maternus]

Interested in your feedback.

I think my ex could be a "borderpath", too. I never saw her anxious. She even wasn't anxious when her account was garnished and she had no money to feed her children for more than a week. She was annoyed, because it was not her fault - it was never her fault. When I told her that I think she acts irresponsible to her children she said "They have to learn that life is not a picnic."

[Maternus]

Random people got this bubbly, giggly, smiley, flirty thing and I got Nosferatu.

Maybe this was part of a silent treatment. The most brutal form of silent treatment is to be nice to other people in front of you, just to show you, what you are missing.

[raisins3142]

she said "They have to learn that life is not a picnic."

Quite literally in her case.

[Maternus]

I saw the documentation "I, Psychopath" about Sam Vaknin today. I think Vaknin is a good example for how complex those Cluster-B-Disorders are. In the wikipedia-article about Vaknin I read, that he was once diagnosed with NPD, later with Borderline and NPD and in the documentation in one test he was diagnosed with narcissitic traits, but more traits of the avoidant personality disorder (and less of BPD) and in another test as a pure psychopath. The documentation is highly recommended. It's not only about Sam Vaknin, the film-maker tells about his experiences with Vaknin and how he felt more and more abused by Vaknin. Vaknin is also abusive to his wife in some scenes of the documentation, but she is in denial, she is in the FOG.

[neverloveagain]

Mine had "resting b*tch face" most of the time. 

/quote]



sorry that made my day 

[SlyQQ]

My ex def BPD only sore her scared once in 12 years was all cool cal an collected we had decided to stay in house with fire coming in had a couple of fire trucks ann firemen said would be ok everything was fine till the flames swept in 80+ feet high maybe 50 yards from house really it was not that bad ( fireman had preped house ) but she broke down badly

[downwhim]

" Virtually never saw her sad (BPDs and psychopaths respond with rage to things a normal person would be sad about)."

Shallow affect is one of the factors in psychopathy.  When my ex would rage at me, completely over the top, then 10 minutes later she was as if nothing happened and ask me "why are you still upset?"  I think this is shallow affect.  She learned early in life that raging gets her what she wants.  She doesn't really experience it deeply, it's a manipulative tool"

[/Thank you for bringing this up. Here we are broken up and I am sad. 8 years history, an engagement ended, he is not happy, he is angry. You hit the nail on the head. His rage, screaming and yelling, projecting on to me was instead of sadness.

Shallow affect - many times he would rage and then two minutes later wonder why me, his kids were all uptight. Get over it and get over it quick... .he is happy and fine now so why weren't we? Shallow affect. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. I never wanted him to touch me after his rages. Lost me usually for awhile. Many times I set boundaries and left so I wasn't around for the "let's pretend nothing just happened here" part.