Valentines Day - Is it like full moon to pwBPD?

[Ripped Heart]

They say that a full moon tends to dysregulate people with mental health issues for some reason but I'm now wondering if Valentines Day is the same for pwBPD. It's funny because thos of us that were in relationships over this period usually saw very little in terms of romance unless we instigated or planned it ourselves. Last year I actually got a card from exBPDgf that read:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Now give me a kiss

Or I'll punch you

I know that this was her least favourite time of year besides Xmas because it meant having to think of someone else besides herself, something she was quite vocal about. However, I'm beginning to wonder whether single pwBPD have a level of desperation around this time of year because the focus is more on other couples rather than on them. The biggest    with exBPDgf was that our first date just happened to be at a music concert that she booked a hotel room for which on the day couldn't accommodate 2 single beds so it had to be a double. The other    it was on Feb 13th because she wanted us to wake up together on Valentines Day. Sounded so romantic at the time but a huge    now.

The reason I ask is that tonight, I've had 3 messages on FB from female friends of friends behaving quite desperate and asking for a date tonight. One of them I know and do recognise a lot of Cluster B traits in her and have given her a wide berth in the past. She's always in some relationship crisis and every time her profile pops up, it's always a new relationship. The other 2 I have no idea who they are and one even offered to travel all the way to my city. Obviously there would be drinking involved and no possible way for her to drive back, hence stopping at mine. Truth be told, I'm entirely convinced the same message would probably have gone out to all men within friends radius of my friend that were single to see who bites.

The 3rd one was even better, she still lives with her ex but he has a date tonight so she wants one too.

It got me thinking, who in their right mind messages anyone they don't know simply because they don't want to be alone on Valentines Day 

So tonight, I'm having a nice long bath, going to order in pizza have a couple of friends around and we are going to sit in and watch a film. At least I know who my company is tonight 

Has anyone else experienced this level of desperation before on Valentines Day? If I take the experience with exBPDgf last year and the messages today, is it safe to say there is a higher chance of pwBPD coming out of the woodwork today of all days? For many of us who would have been alone today, I would much rather spend it with friends than with a complete stranger. So right now I'm not understanding the logic here.

[neverloveagain]

My waif exBPDgf always pointed out the full moon i never understood it. She would put so much pressure on me in the run up to vday bday cday she ruins it because it never lives up to her expetations then more black paint for you.

[jhkbuzz]

I think the day can be triggering for anyone (BPD or not) who is struggling with the fact that they're single.

What's telling is the way they handle their discomfort. pwBPD are more likely to be impulsive, so the way they handle the day might be a bit more... .interesting, shall we say?

[christin5433]

I'd have to agree w jbuzz here we all whether BPD or not get caught in this love heart holiday. I had a very hard time I never left my house. I had a friend over and did normal stuff but the holiday brought up my own needs I wish I had met. To be loved back to express my love . Not this year. My hope is that all of us in this place of change get to the other side and are able to find that peace we need to move out of our disturbed state. All of us have been hurt from this illness in a deep way and that's my Vday hope for us suffering . I'm still in one piece I still feel my heart hurt. But this year my expression of love comes from my broken heart that I have been trying to mend w others here . So it's just a different expression of love this year it's to those of us hurting.

[downwhim]

Christin,

What a great way of putting it. We are all loved here by one another and that is how we are expressing it this year. Not all coupled up but we are together sharing our life on this board and it binds us.

My exBPD fiancé hated Valentines Day though he would bring me flowers and a card. I always got him a card and a gift. We would eat dinner in because he said everywhere is so overpriced on this day! I had to agree but that was then now is now. I have to put those memories in a book and close it.

I can see where impulsivity would run ramped with the BPD's on this day. Especially needing to show they have someone (anyone) for Valentines Day. Everyone needs to see they are not alone. So sick to go search out someone they don't know... .

My 19 year old son came home from college. He worked and made money helping my neighbor. I gave him a package of his favorite snacks and a card. He took me to sushi dinner! I was shocked. I got to pay the tip as he refused to let me pay. Yes, it was all couples in there but I had the best date ever. Kind, loving, hard working, and all mine. If I have done one thing right in this world it was to raise a nice son. He will not go out into the world and do what my ex did. He treats women with respect and he is smart and very mellow.

We came home and watched the movie Fury. It made for a complete day. I am grateful I had him to be with and he told me he felt the same way.

Life has changed. Less chaos, miss the sex and intimacy but not the crazy, painful days... .

[raisins3142]

Flashbacks of my ex on facebook 1 week after our first break up (lasted 2 weeks):

She posted on her public wall or whatever:

"Must drink a lot of whiskey tonight, who wants to go drink with me?"

Mind you she has like 500 FB friends, half of which are male.

She had publicly proclaimed our break up 1 week earlier.  It was like she was throwing blood in the water for an unscrupulous man to take advantage of her after getting her drunk.  And she lived with her mother at the time, and if getting whiskey smashed she would've ended up staying over at someone's place.  No idea what went on that night because I never asked as it was during our break up period, but what normal person does that?   I can just imagine the private messages she received.      

[Ripped Heart]

Apparently, according to a mutual "friend" exBPDgf still has pics of me up on her FB wall as well as all the messages about me being the best boyfriend ever.

Guess she hasn't gotten round to taking them down yet which is interesting. No blatant attempts to contact me yet but did have 1 missed call from an unknown number earlier today. Could have been anything though as no message was left.