Baby step towards recovery

[peace_seeker]

I am 4 months out of my r/s, and 1 month N/C. Although I'm far from complete detachment, comparing to where I was a month ago, I am at least in a better place now and I just want to share this baby improvement.

About a month ago, i was still obsessing about him, i was still wondering if I should talk to him. I couldn't resist the urge to stop peeking at his FB, and my monkey mind couldn't stop finding excuses to make myself believe that he is still feeling attached to me. But today, I am no longer obsessed about him, I am in more control of my thoughts, and I no longer even tempted to break NC (eg peeking at his FB) because I see no need to hurt myself any further. Even though I miss him everyday, I am more clear headed now and I know that he is no good for me.

Within this month I have tried all sorts of method to get him off my mind: I read, I write, I keep myself busy. Even though his ghost is still everywhere and and I am still sobbing my eyes out these 2 weeks, at least I know it is just part of the griefing process. Sometimes I feel so loneliness that I find it hard to put meanings back into life, i'll just tell myself that this too will pass and even though i dont know where i'm heading and this isnt what i've expected my life to be, THIS is probably just how my life is suppose to be so just ride along with it. It is hard, I find myself physically present but mentally back in the place of pain more often than not. But just rmb, this too will pass.

I spent a fair bit of time trying to understand myself. I watch how people behave in their family. I watch how couples interact. And I watch how I behave in a group of people. And I saw how dysfunctional my family is. And I saw how low my self esteem is. I feel sad for myself, for the way I am. I feel angry at him, for leaving me when he knows exactly how much I needed him. I used to love him too much to hate him, but now I find myself wanting to turn my sadness into anger. What for still feel so much love for him when this love aint bringing me anywhere?

But all in all, at least i've come to terms that this r/s is not good for me. Do I still love him? Maybe, but I know for sure that things are not going to be the same even if he comes back, and things are just not going to work out anymore. It didn't, and it never will. Will he find someone else whom he can work things out with and be happier off with? Maybe, but i do not need to know. Will I ever get over him? I don't know, maybe one day I will. I'm sure one day I will stop crying over this completely, one day i will stop seeing his ghost everywhere.But as of now, 1 month of N/C, I'm glad of the baby improvement I've made. Tough, no doubt. But it will get me somewhere.

Sorry that I had to share this here, I needed somewhere to get my voice heard. It's been 4 months post BU, friends are not that sympathetic anymore and people generally think that I should have recovered by now. So it's starting to get harder and harder to find an attentive and sympathetic listening ear anymore.

So for everyone struggling out there, celebrate ur baby steps and keep moving forward. We will get there   

[CanICallYou]

great to hear that from you.

congrats.

keep it up

[DDMoo2013]

I am 4 months out of my r/s, and 1 month N/C. Although I'm far from complete detachment, comparing to where I was a month ago, I am at least in a better place now and I just want to share this baby improvement.

About a month ago, i was still obsessing about him, i was still wondering if I should talk to him. I couldn't resist the urge to stop peeking at his FB, and my monkey mind couldn't stop finding excuses to make myself believe that he is still feeling attached to me. But today, I am no longer obsessed about him, I am in more control of my thoughts, and I no longer even tempted to break NC (eg peeking at his FB) because I see no need to hurt myself any further. Even though I miss him everyday, I am more clear headed now and I know that he is no good for me.

Within this month I have tried all sorts of method to get him off my mind: I read, I write, I keep myself busy. Even though his ghost is still everywhere and and I am still sobbing my eyes out these 2 weeks, at least I know it is just part of the griefing process. Sometimes I feel so loneliness that I find it hard to put meanings back into life, i'll just tell myself that this too will pass and even though i dont know where i'm heading and this isnt what i've expected my life to be, THIS is probably just how my life is suppose to be so just ride along with it. It is hard, I find myself physically present but mentally back in the place of pain more often than not. But just rmb, this too will pass.

I spent a fair bit of time trying to understand myself. I watch how people behave in their family. I watch how couples interact. And I watch how I behave in a group of people. And I saw how dysfunctional my family is. And I saw how low my self esteem is. I feel sad for myself, for the way I am. I feel angry at him, for leaving me when he knows exactly how much I needed him. I used to love him too much to hate him, but now I find myself wanting to turn my sadness into anger. What for still feel so much love for him when this love aint bringing me anywhere?

But all in all, at least i've come to terms that this r/s is not good for me. Do I still love him? Maybe, but I know for sure that things are not going to be the same even if he comes back, and things are just not going to work out anymore. It didn't, and it never will. Will he find someone else whom he can work things out with and be happier off with? Maybe, but i do not need to know. Will I ever get over him? I don't know, maybe one day I will. I'm sure one day I will stop crying over this completely, one day i will stop seeing his ghost everywhere.But as of now, 1 month of N/C, I'm glad of the baby improvement I've made. Tough, no doubt. But it will get me somewhere.

Sorry that I had to share this here, I needed somewhere to get my voice heard. It's been 4 months post BU, friends are not that sympathetic anymore and people generally think that I should have recovered by now. So it's starting to get harder and harder to find an attentive and sympathetic listening ear anymore.

So for everyone struggling out there, celebrate ur baby steps and keep moving forward. We will get there   

Thanks for sharing,

I am 2 months NC but have been obsessing and fb peeking for the last 2 weeks. I wanted lots of answers but  I realize this is stopping me from grieving etc... .do I want her back? My heart says "sort of" but my mind is telling me "No way". I am coming out of a 6 yr r/s and 1st proper recycle... .its a long story... .but I am here now and I initiated the NC when i found out my ex started dating someone after telling me that she wanted to be on her own etc the usual lies... .this after coming back into my life over a year ago after saying the same thing... .! For me it is the feeling of being used to help her sort out her life with promises of a future together and then running off as soon as she gets a semblance of normality straight into the arms of a stranger... .I just want to get past this bit and stop my obsessing/caring so that I can regain the joy of living my own life and not watch hers!

I know that time  will come... .