Seeing BPD everywhere

[Trog]

Tonight I went to one of the best restaurants in the City as part of my drive to look after myself and do things i always wanted to do. Even if I went alone! It didn't feel strange, I didn't feel lonely or self conscious which I used to, but I got a chance to watch the other diners.

There was a couple sat next to me where the guy was constantly trying to make conversation with his beautiful dining companion, who rarely looked at him and it was painful to watch this guys eyes desperately trying to make a connection with her. She sure didn't mind eating the food and looking everywhere but. I realised I made massive assumptions. He was paying for her. She was using him. She was ungreatful. For all I knew this was his make up attempt for having an affair and she was paying! It's amazing how this experience really colours your vision of the world.

On a positive note there were many happy couples in the restaurant and I keep getting fleeting feelings of wanting a relationship whereas for the past 7 months the very idea was exceptionally unappealing. Getting out there (anywhere) and doing nice things for yourself, even if you have to push it, is deffo a good path.

Do you see BPD everywhere now? I hope this will ease, I find myself empathising with a constructed story!

[Rifka]

I see various personality disorders everywhere as well as improper behavior and horrible manners.

I never paid so much attention to behavior so much.

Off topic, But why do people blow their noses in a restaurant? Why don't they know this is disgusting while somebody else is eating?

Ok maybe it's my forever pet peeve!

[Tim300]

I see BPD more now.  

I have a friend from grad school who seemed a bit off.  Crazy relationship dynamics, hypersensitivity, always seeking attention, etc.  I now think for sure that she's BPD/HPD.  Everyone just thought she was a bit "crazy".

Also, I think back about crazy breakups I've heard about and continue to hear about, and I just know that BPD traits are likely behind it.  It's interesting because I hear these stories from acquaintances and these acquaintances seem totally baffled by the behavior, but to me it seems "textbook" (like I know exactly the script they're reciting).

I also think about how I have a few very eccentric former classmates, and how they likely have PDs (potentially dangerous) lurking behind the eccentricities.

Basically, my ability to understand people has radically improved.  Many people label others as simply "crazy" but now I can often pinpoint which specific PD is in play and it makes me much better able to understand and predict the behavior -- and keep my distance.  I guess something good came of the hell I've been through!

[Deeno02]

I do to. Its paid off being on here. I had a couple of coffee dates to see if perhaps we wanted to go out on a real date. Both times, in that hour, there were a ton of red flags that kept me from persuing any further dates with them. Not going down that road again... .ever.

[Hazelrah]

Off topic, But why do people blow their noses in a restaurant? Why don't they know this is disgusting while somebody else is eating?

Hah!  I love this.  My dad had a horrible habit of perpetual nose-blowing following each meal.  My mother used to give him hell for this, but it never swayed him. 

In answer to the OP, yes, I find myself dissecting behavior and looking for the inevitable 'red flags' all the time.  Being in a new relationship now following a disastrous marriage w/ a pwBPD certainly leaves one hyper-vigilant.

[Turkish]

Having a pwBPD (or whatever) affecting our lives, it's understandable to have a heightened radar related to this.

My lunchtime thought experiment: I'm in the cafeteria at work. Say there are 100 people in the room. Statistically:

6 of them are clinical-level BPDs, 2-3 of them are bi-polar, and 1-3 of them are ASPD (sociopaths). 

27 of us in the room are currently suffering from some type of mental disorder or addiction.

And I won't even get started on the nose-blowers 

[Hazelrah]

Having a pwBPD (or whatever) affecting our lives, it's understandable to have a heightened radar related to this.

My lunchtime thought experiment: I'm in the cafeteria at work. Say there are 100 people in the room. Statistically:

6 of them are clinical-level BPDs, 2-3 of them are bi-polar, and 1-3 of them are ASPD (sociopaths). 

27 of us in the room are currently suffering from some type of mental disorder or addiction.

And I won't even get started on the nose-blowers  ::

How many of the BPDs/ASPDs might you reckon are in senior management?   

[Take2]

I find myself seeing red flags all over the place in others now.  To the point that I don't know if it's just my own paranoia or if there are really this many disordered individuals out there... !   Scary thought!  But, valuable I guess - because it does make me realize that everyone is complex.  And racing into another relationship would simply never happen again.  It takes time to truly get to know someone else. 

Interesting statistics... .somehow, I suspect I'd still wind up finding my way to sit next to the clinical level BPDs !   

[parisian]

I can relate to this. It is a bit of hyper-sensitivity to the illness.

My T said that will likely happen for a while, but it will settle down over time.

One thing for sure, I now know not to dismiss or ignore red flags so quickly again. Lesson learnt. At least that was one positive to thing to come out of the r/s.

[cehlers55]

I see BPD more now.  

I have a friend from grad school who seemed a bit off.  Crazy relationship dynamics, hypersensitivity, always seeking attention, etc.  I now think for sure that she's BPD/HPD.  Everyone just thought she was a bit "crazy".

Also, I think back about crazy breakups I've heard about and continue to hear about, and I just know that BPD traits are likely behind it.  It's interesting because I hear these stories from acquaintances and these acquaintances seem totally baffled by the behavior, but to me it seems "textbook" (like I know exactly the script they're reciting).

I also think about how I have a few very eccentric former classmates, and how they likely have PDs (potentially dangerous) lurking behind the eccentricities.

Basically, my ability to understand people has radically improved.  Many people label others as simply "crazy" but now I can often pinpoint which specific PD is in play and it makes me much better able to understand and predict the behavior -- and keep my distance.  I guess something good came of the hell I've been through!

I think this is interesting. I agree with it. I see things a lot differently. I thought i analyzed people before, now it is pretty out of control. I think about the different PD's all the time. I guess it's just a new "education"

[ghoststory]

oh God yes probably to an unhealthy degree at this time , till this latest experience of mine and finding here I not only learned about BPD but had to come to terms that many of my relationships were with BPDs ,,now I'm a bit paranoid about the attraction phase , but at this point and until I am a bit more level headed it's probably a good thing to fix my own issues on why I have dated five to many

[Maternus]

I see the red flags in my whole family. I never saw them before, I wasn't aware of PDs my whole life before the breakup with my uBPDex. The breakup was an eye-opener.

[Vatz]

I have a friend who talks to cam-models from eastern Europe. When typing that sentence I could *feel* the cringing sighs, or maybe that's just me.

He gets attached so quickly to these women, who talk a big game for a few days, and then do the hot/cold thing with him.

I'm not sure if my friend is borderline, but damn he acts all kinds of nuts.

I'll spare you the details, but it never turns out pretty. So either these girls are borderline, or he has some weird attachment issues. Or both or whatever.

It's weird but when he was carrying on this LDR with some weirdo from another country, I flat-out told him that he should just forget it. Something bad happened and he wanted my advice. So I told him.

Anyway, after talking to him I feel like I'm the one who's sane, well-adjusted and reasonable. Which is saying a lot since I've lost my mind the last few years.

Oh and I see the borderline stuff everywhere. It's like a word you just learn and suddenly you start hearing it all the time. There's that Taylor Swift song that came out recently that's so freaking popular these days.

I think the telling lyrics in that one are "Find out what you want, be that girl for a month" and then it goes on about emotional storms and all that other stuff. Yikes. It makes me wonder why that song is so popular.

Oh and also, guys... .

You know that one Billy Joel song "She's always a woman." If a woman says "That's me!" and seems kind of proud of that fact... .RUN. Run and don't stop.