Should I Make Her Pay Back $ She Owes?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Well maybe I am in the anger part of the different stages of grief... .could be interpreted as progress and I didn't expect to feel anger this time but... .

I am hurting very badly financially right now.  I have no one to blame but myself. I developed a lot of bad spending habits and put my exgf's financial needs before my own, even though I tried to curtail it.

When the exgf moved out in Nov I loaned her $300 and another $300 in December plus $120 for her to pay back a loan to her sister in Mexico. So total $720  The $600 was to help her pay to get into her apt until she found a job.  To her credit she found a good job within 60 days. The agreement was after she found a job she would begin to pay it back.

I know enough to not expect her to pay back a loan... .so I looked at this at the time as sort of a cost of getting her out of my house... .and had no plan to press her for the money. If she paid it back great.

When we broke up at bf/gf on Christmas Eve I asked for the money back. I have FB messages from her saying she would pay it back.

When we became "friends" shortly thereafter and things were going suprisingly well up until 3 weeks ago I did not press her for the $$$.

Now here I am without money.  

I know she can get access to $$ from somebody and if I reeeeeeallly want the $$ from her I have some leverage and am certain she would find the $$ and cough it up asap... .but I don't want to use the leverage I have as it could entail having her kicked out of her apt, which would put hardship on the son and gf... .the girl who signed the lease.

Ok... .so here I am... .broke (my fault)... .in NC mode... .not feeling great about it and probably angrier at myself than her. Although I am mad at her for the way she treated me over the weekend.

If I ask her for the money back I would need to send her a message and break the NC. I would get the money back but it might entail further aggravation to me.

I can survive until next Monday/Tuesday when I get paid.  I have gas, food and a small amount of emergency cash and don't have to travel much until next week.

Yes, honestly a major reason I am thinking like this is to make her pay.  Anyways I don't want to dwell on it but this is how I am thinking.  Hold her accountable.

If I asked for it back I would ask her to pay half now and half later. Maybe being the "bad guy" might give her a bad enough experience so she won't bother me any more in the future.

Well... .that is all.

[nowwhatz]

Well maybe I am in the anger part of the different stages of grief... .could be interpreted as progress and I didn't expect to feel anger this time but... .

I am hurting very badly financially right now.  I have no one to blame but myself. I developed a lot of bad spending habits and put my exgf's financial needs before my own, even though I tried to curtail it.

When the exgf moved out in Nov I loaned her $300 and another $300 in December plus $120 for her to pay back a loan to her sister in Mexico. So total $720  The $600 was to help her pay to get into her apt until she found a job.  To her credit she found a good job within 60 days. The agreement was after she found a job she would begin to pay it back.

I know enough to not expect her to pay back a loan... .so I looked at this at the time as sort of a cost of getting her out of my house... .and had no plan to press her for the money. If she paid it back great.

When we broke up at bf/gf on Christmas Eve I asked for the money back. I have FB messages from her saying she would pay it back.

When we became "friends" shortly thereafter and things were going suprisingly well up until 3 weeks ago I did not press her for the $$$.

Now here I am without money.  

I know she can get access to $$ from somebody and if I reeeeeeallly want the $$ from her I have some leverage and am certain she would find the $$ and cough it up asap... .but I don't want to use the leverage I have as it could entail having her kicked out of her apt, which would put hardship on the son and gf... .the girl who signed the lease.

Ok... .so here I am... .broke (my fault)... .in NC mode... .not feeling great about it and probably angrier at myself than her. Although I am mad at her for the way she treated me over the weekend.

If I ask her for the money back I would need to send her a message and break the NC. I would get the money back but it might entail further aggravation to me.

I can survive until next Monday/Tuesday when I get paid.  I have gas, food and a small amount of emergency cash and don't have to travel much until next week.

Yes, honestly a major reason I am thinking like this is to make her pay.  Anyways I don't want to dwell on it but this is how I am thinking.  Hold her accountable.

If I asked for it back I would ask her to pay half now and half later. Maybe being the "bad guy" might give her a bad enough experience so she won't bother me any more in the future.

Well... .that is all.

[fromheeltoheal]

There's easy money and hard money.  My ex owes me $1200, which I'll probably never see, but the way I figure it, leaving her and letting it go is far cheaper than staying with her would have been, and it's not worth $1200 to have to deal with her anymore.  I did tell her that doing something wrong, like not paying back debts, hurts her, and she knows I'm right, but she's got psychological tools to deal with that, so I'm sure it's a distant memory at this point, if she remembers it at all.

Anyway, is it worth $720 to deal with her?  Sorry you're hurting and it sounds temporary, but that's the tradeoff: how much is avoiding the aggravation worth?

[Targeted]

Just by the heading I think you have a better chance at her getting help and having a loving reciprocal fulfilling relationship till death do you part!   Let it go!

[Bumpsintheroad]

Target... .

My question for you is, Do you believe she even feels acountable to you?  I have found that in my r/s with my BPDexw that once they're gone, they no longer owe you anything like respect, honesty, debts.  Just grief.  

My exBPDw stole (at last count) over $55,000 CASH.  By the time she had to answer to the judge, it was all gone.  And although the judge admonished her like you would a 3rd grade thief, the court had no standing to have her return it.  It was a "can't squeeze blood from a turnip" type decision.    

Do what you think is best, but beware that her reply might make your head spin with justifications, half truths and false narratives, just to try and hook you into more contact.  

[Bumpsintheroad]

My apologies Target, this was meant for NOWHATZ... .

My question for you is, Do you believe she even feels acountable to you?  I have found that in my r/s with my BPDexw that once they're gone, they no longer owe you anything like respect, honesty, debts.  Just grief. 

My exBPDw stole (at last count) over $55,000 CASH.  By the time she had to answer to the judge, it was all gone.  And although the judge admonished her like you would a 3rd grade thief, the court had no standing to have her return it.  It was a "can't squeeze blood from a turnip" type decision.   

Do what you think is best, but beware that her reply might make your head spin with justifications, half truths and false narratives, just to try and hook you into more contact. 

[draptemp]

Tough one nowwhatz; my dBPDso owes me over $5g and finally agreed to pay $50/month which I have to remind him of every month. However, when I was funding car repairs, clothing, travel and a host of other things there never seemed to be a lapse of memory then.

Stick to your guns! It's a legitimate debt (as is mine)

[nowwhatz]

My apologies Target, this was meant for NOWHATZ... .

My question for you is, Do you believe she even feels acountable to you?  I have found that in my r/s with my BPDexw that once they're gone, they no longer owe you anything like respect, honesty, debts.  Just grief.  

My exBPDw stole (at last count) over $55,000 CASH.  By the time she had to answer to the judge, it was all gone.  And although the judge admonished her like you would a 3rd grade thief, the court had no standing to have her return it.  It was a "can't squeeze blood from a turnip" type decision.    

Do what you think is best, but beware that her reply might make your head spin with justifications, half truths and false narratives, just to try and hook you into more contact.  

Bumpsintheroad,

I don't think she feels accountable to me just shame. There has never been any accountability from her to me or anybody else concerning any "loans" or anything.  

I have cooled off after a very pleasant business meeting so I am probably feeling out for blood money like earlier.  Like I said if I wanted to make her pay I could do so very easily but yes it would be hard money and maybe ruin my day.

Before I go further I will share with you what she is at the risk of feeling even more foolish than I already do for being with her.

She comes from a very, very nice family of artists, musicians, hyper educated genius types. We are talking chemical engineers, physicists, musical geniuses. Probably some of the smartest and nicest people I have ever met. Has a delightful and respectable family and has never been abused. Her father passed away when she was young... .same as mine... .and I suspect some of her problems stem from her enormous loss, which I can relate to.

So anyone who has met her and doesn't know her very, very intimately and anyone who has met her family would never believe in a million years that she stole more than $25,000 in jewelry from an elderly patient who was under her care as a med tech... .her former career where she can never work again.

The legal terminology is fraudulent scheme and artifice with special circumstances. Basically she tricked a vulnerable elderly dying person into "loaning" her the jewelry so she could get a pawn shop loan... .with a promise to pay the money back.

Amazingly she is not in jail because she was able to get the best criminal defense lawyer (paid for by her ex-husband... .incredibly... .over 15k) who was able to prove enough to the prosecutors that she is so crazy she didn't know what she was doing.  Plus there was a technical error on part of the prosecution so instead of 3 felonies and 10+ years in prison a deal was worked out where she was convicted of 1 minor theft felony, with an agreement to pay back the 25k to the victim's family.

She has shown little remorse for this and I went to court with her for her sentencing where she delivered an oscar caliber performance reading a tearful apology, expertly written by her lawyer.

This is the person who owes me $720

This is the person I fell in love with 4 years ago... .3 years before she committed this crime.

She is not even paying her court ordered restitution, not following through with court ordered mental health treatment and medication (she did in the beginning... .and wala  she was a different person... .very much like the person she was meant to be), and she has scammed the probation officer so that he does not check on her.

She gets government benefits and free medical care and very nearly qualified for social security disability. I helped her with the application for that and basically told the truth by explaining how crazy she is!  I was surprised that she got denied.

Ironically, even without any accountability from her, I know I could get the $ back if I pursued it.

At this point unless she comes out of the blue and does something to really upset me I am ok letting it go for now... .even though I need it very badly right now.      

Maybe in a couple of weeks or more if I really feel like I should hold her accountable, and it is worth the aggravation I can pursue it.

[nowwhatz]

Tough one nowwhatz; my dBPDso owes me over $5g and finally agreed to pay $50/month which I have to remind him of every month. However, when I was funding car repairs, clothing, travel and a host of other things there never seemed to be a lapse of memory then.

Stick to your guns! It's a legitimate debt (as is mine)

Yes you are right but right now I am going to make do with my $12 until next week, my 3/4 gas, plenty of food, decent health, work, my children, my kittens, my band and just get through it.

If I decide to pursue it I don't want to do it out of any anger.

[nowwhatz]

Just by the heading I think you have a better chance at her getting help and having a loving reciprocal fulfilling relationship till death do you part!   Let it go!

No I have a much better chance of collecting the $$ . Seriously.

Not even a morphed Mr. Rogers/Walter White/Brad Pitt could have a loving reciprocal fulfilling relationship till death do you part thing with her!

[hoaianhcameron]

Well, i asked my Exbpfbf about the money he stole and cheated from me, total $1300, he said it was for the gifts and stuffs he bought for me and our apartment (which mych less)

At the end i just threw my hand, leave it all to him, considered it as tuition fee for my life lesson. It's much easier

[llor]

Before I met my exBPD-wife, I had my own personnal credit margin. During our marriage, I paid for alot of things out of my personnal credit margin for both of us (trips, gala, concerts, shopping). When we decided to call it quits (which was her idea) I had a personnal credit debt of about $20,000 on my personnal credit margin.

Technically as everything is split even during divorce, we each have to pay $10,000 for it. Problem is she doesnt want to pay and since it its under my name, well I am the only one held accountable for it toward the bank. So I could sue her in court to get my money back. Which she will fight me for it and it might take years for it to get resolve.

I recently decided to say f-it. It will take me a few years again to get debt free but its the price I have to pay to get rid of her. I actually suspect she could pay me but doesnt want to as it forces me to stay in touch with her. Which I dont want too.

So you have to ask yourself, is $600 really worth all the trouble ? Its up to you to decide. As one of my friend once told me:

"A divorce is expensive, because nothing thats really worth it is free  "

Take care and Stay Strong

[llor]

Target... .

My question for you is, Do you believe she even feels acountable to you?  I have found that in my r/s with my BPDexw that once they're gone, they no longer owe you anything like respect, honesty, debts.  Just grief.  

My exBPDw stole (at last count) over $55,000 CASH.  By the time she had to answer to the judge, it was all gone.  And although the judge admonished her like you would a 3rd grade thief, the court had no standing to have her return it.  It was a "can't squeeze blood from a turnip" type decision.    

Do what you think is best, but beware that her reply might make your head spin with justifications, half truths and false narratives, just to try and hook you into more contact.  

This forums deserves a "Like Button" because I would give you aload of "Likes"

[nowwhatz]

Before I met my exBPD-wife, I had my own personnal credit margin. During our marriage, I paid for alot of things out of my personnal credit margin for both of us (trips, gala, concerts, shopping). When we decided to call it quits (which was her idea) I had a personnal credit debt of about $20,000 on my personnal credit margin.

Technically as everything is split even during divorce, we each have to pay $10,000 for it. Problem is she doesnt want to pay and since it its under my name, well I am the only one held accountable for it toward the bank. So I could sue her in court to get my money back. Which she will fight me for it and it might take years for it to get resolve.

I recently decided to say f-it. It will take me a few years again to get debt free but its the price I have to pay to get rid of her. I actually suspect she could pay me but doesnt want to as it forces me to stay in touch with her. Which I dont want too.

So you have to ask yourself, is $600 really worth all the trouble ? Its up to you to decide. As one of my friend once told me:

"A divorce is expensive, because nothing thats really worth it is free  "

Take care and Stay Strong

I too went through a divorce and lost thousands of dollars... .but yes it was worth every penny.

It sure isn't a lot of $$ but I could use it if she paid. I think she would find a way to pay if I ask but it would involve breaking NC.

I do want the money back and there is no doubt she could find a way to get it.  I have to think on it and determine if there would be any aggravation involved.   She is not mad at me and I have done nothing wrong to her.

If she told me to go f - off or something I would be very surprised.  On the one hand I think maybe holding her accountable might help prevent future attempts from her to recycle.

If there is a time to ask it would be soon just want to make sure I am not angry.

[Gonzalo]

Mine owed me about $1800, and then made a sort of 'first payment' with a rebate from car insurance and phone. There's about $1500 remaining after that, plus theoretically more that wasn't tracked (me covering various expenses for her). I just regard it as the cost of learning the lessons that I did from the relationship, and don't expect to ever see any more of it. After reading up on BPD behaviour, I count myself lucky that I didn't end up with legal expenses, damages, half ownership of a house, or other issues people here have.

It's pretty telling how bad she is with money that she ended up not living up to financial agreements with me during our relationship, even though her only household expenses were her half of the phone and car insurance and the groceries (but not eating out).

[rlhmm]

 my xBPDgf and i bought a boat together, we each paid for half. the agreement was if the relationship failed one would keep the boat and pay the other back. well, i kept the boat, (wth would she do with it) she also cajoled me into buying another vehicle because she didnt like the one i had because it was... ( too sexy?) and it was paid for. whatever   so since she ultimately abandoned me and the boat... .i feel i am no longer obligated to pay her back for any of it since my finances are strained with an added car payment, (that she instigated). i'll call it, (my screwed over fee)    hence, if she wants it, she can file in small claims, otherwise i'm keeping it.  i havent heard anything about it after 6 months post b/u... .dont think i ever will.  f_ck her!   

[nowwhatz]

my xBPDgf and i bought a boat together, we each paid for half. the agreement was if the relationship failed one would keep the boat and pay the other back. well, i kept the boat, (wth would she do with it) she also cajoled me into buying another vehicle because she didnt like the one i had because it was... ( too sexy?) and it was paid for. whatever   so since she ultimately abandoned me and the boat... .i feel i am no longer obligated to pay her back for any of it since my finances are strained with an added car payment, (that she instigated). i'll call it, (my screwed over fee)    hence, if she wants it, she can file in small claims, otherwise i'm keeping it.  i havent heard anything about it after 6 months post b/u... .dont think i ever will.  f_ck her!  

Haha.  :)on't blame you.


My exBPDgf has a natural talent for getting money from people.

I still have plenty of food... .my $12... .but my truck is not giving me a problem!   I supposed if really wanted to I could go get pawn shop loan or ask a friend for a few bucks.

Probably not thinking clearly yet... .well hey it is Wednesday! That's 3 days of NC and still breathing but don't feel that great.  I think I handled the cut off from her as well as could be expected... .got my point across in a nice way... .didn't call her a parasite or anything like that this time.

It does suck though to be broke because of my bad choices.

Oh yeah... .I forgot to mention... .I did something I normally never would do for her about 10 days ago... .pay to have her phone turned back on ... .$65.00

Why?  Because her poor dear Mother in Mexico had a stroke about 3 weeks ago and she could not speak with her Mom.   Then she had sex with 3 different guys right after I paid to have her phone turned on.

I asked her how her Mom was and all of sudden she had greatly improved.

I am not a spiteful person but if wasn't sick with BPD and all this occurred I wouldn't be as nice.

[nowwhatz]

my xBPDgf and i bought a boat together, we each paid for half. the agreement was if the relationship failed one would keep the boat and pay the other back. well, i kept the boat, (wth would she do with it) she also cajoled me into buying another vehicle because she didnt like the one i had because it was... ( too sexy?) and it was paid for. whatever   so since she ultimately abandoned me and the boat... .i feel i am no longer obligated to pay her back for any of it since my finances are strained with an added car payment, (that she instigated). i'll call it, (my screwed over fee)    hence, if she wants it, she can file in small claims, otherwise i'm keeping it.  i havent heard anything about it after 6 months post b/u... .dont think i ever will.  f_ck her!   

Well I was able to get a small loan from my friend to pay for at least the car repair  which I can repay next Tues.  I have been so tempted to ask her to start paying the $$ back.   Very embarrassing all of this.

[nowwhatz]

Wow. I have a knot in my stomach today. Some real anger I suppose.  I had the text written out to request the money be paid but did not send.  Yes, I need the money but really I just want to make her pay and get some satisfaction out of it.

Logically it is probably better to either never have contact with her again or when she tries to recycle again I will be in a better place emotionally... .I could say f_____U pay me goodfellas style at that time.

This is very tough for me for some reason. Not sure if I get why.  What a disaster. Thanks everyone for listening to my stuff.

[willtimeheal]

My exBPD owes me about $1200. She knows she owes it to me and she always said she would pay it back. She has no intention of paying it back. I got out cheap. If that is what it costs not to deal with her anymore then so be it. I feel she doesn't pay it back because it is a way to contact me later if she needs to... .no thanks. I got out cheap.

[nowwhatz]

My exBPD owes me about $1200. She knows she owes it to me and she always said she would pay it back. She has no intention of paying it back. I got out cheap. If that is what it costs not to deal with her anymore then so be it. I feel she doesn't pay it back because it is a way to contact me later if she needs to... .no thanks. I got out cheap.

I hope I can feel that way soon.

[Suzn]

These relationships are akin to addiction. You will go through withdrawal of sorts. It's been 3 days of NC, you are in a very vulnerable place right now my friend. Is your health worth more than the amount she owes?

Have you had a chance to read through the lessons on this board, over to your right? ~~~>

[nowwhatz]

These relationships are akin to addiction. You will go through withdrawal of sorts. It's been 3 days of NC, you are in a very vulnerable place right now my friend. Is your health worth more than the amount she owes?

Have you had a chance to read through the lessons on this board, over to your right? ~~~>

Oh yes I have read them all Suzn. You know at Christmas time when we broke up officially I was rather fine with everything and had very little feelings for her.   I don't know how she hooked me again when we were "friends" ... .I guess she had recovered her potency and I took the drug again like an addiction.

The amount of money she owes me is miniscule.  Not worth it now although I can't rule out asking her for it when I am in a stronger state of mind.

You are correct I am an addict. I can read the wonderful articles on the right side of the page until I memorize every word but it won't help until I go through "detox."

[willtimeheal]

My exBPD owes me about $1200. She knows she owes it to me and she always said she would pay it back. She has no intention of paying it back. I got out cheap. If that is what it costs not to deal with her anymore then so be it. I feel she doesn't pay it back because it is a way to contact me later if she needs to... .no thanks. I got out cheap.

I hope I can feel that way soon.

It took me a while to get here and to feel this way. At first I was angry and it took all my strength not to text her and say "pay me back bit#h!"  As I detached it became easier. And now I use it as fuel to stay detached. It blows my mind that people like that really exist in the world. People who will take and take and feel they are entitled to it... .blows my mind. There is no place in my life for people like her. Once you detach it gets easier.

[BatMasterson]

wow @Bumpsintheroad... .I'm only down about $4K after mine walked out with it :-)... .I count myself lucky and realize I'll never see a penny of it.   

[nowwhatz]

My exBPD owes me about $1200. She knows she owes it to me and she always said she would pay it back. She has no intention of paying it back. I got out cheap. If that is what it costs not to deal with her anymore then so be it. I feel she doesn't pay it back because it is a way to contact me later if she needs to... .no thanks. I got out cheap.

I hope I can feel that way soon.

It took me a while to get here and to feel this way. At first I was angry and it took all my strength not to text her and say "pay me back bit#h!"  As I detached it became easier. And now I use it as fuel to stay detached. It blows my mind that people like that really exist in the world. People who will take and take and feel they are entitled to it... .blows my mind. There is no place in my life for people like her. Once you detach it gets easier.

W

i can't wait to feel that way.  I got a pawn loan on my amp for extra money ... .embarassing and my friend loaned me some till next week.

what she took from me emotionally far surpasses any $ she got.  The only thing keeping me from doing something that would really mess her up (nothing illegal) is the compassion i still have and knowing nothing i can do can make her feel worse than she does on a daily basis living with untreated BPD.

but if she tries to harm me emotionally again i cant promise i wont react swiftly and harshly.

[willtimeheal]

Nowwhatz,

Emotionally and mentally what she did to me I can't even describe. Like I said I have a hard time believing people like this exist in the world. She made me question myself my friends my values my morals my family... .me. For a long time I hated myself and my life... .I believed without her there was  nothing and my only goal was to keep her. If I kept her my life had value... .I don't believe that anymore. The FOG had lifted and my mind is solid once again. It doesn't mean I don't miss the good times or the person I thought she was. I just know that person never existed. And I am strong for whatever she did to me... .I allowed it. And I will never have such low self worth to ever allow that again.

I hear you saying times are hard financially ... .hang in there. That will get better. You will move forward and recover. Your mind heart and soul will be stronger too. And don't ever feel embarrassed you loved and cared for someone and they took advantage and now You are rebuilding. That is courageous.

Reading these boards I now realize we are the quiet warriors. The strong unknown warriors who battle in silence. We battle a war called BPD that many in the world don't know exists. One we never signed up to fight in.  And everyday we move closer and closer to victory which is our recovery. We are our own hero's. No one can fight this battle for us. We have to fight it ourselves and we do everyday.  We do the hard work and recover. Yes we have scars but that is what makes us strong and wise.

[HostNoMore]

Nowwhatz:

Having my BPDexgf not return a semi-expensive piece of personal property was the second worst thing about my entire ordeal.  Of course, second only to the push-pull roller coaster fun, insidious raging, rampant cheating and general all around weirdness that made her ever so special.  I eventually just accepted that I would never see my property again.  She later tried to use it as an excuse to reengage me out of the blue.  I told her to just keep it such was her toxicity to me.

As much as you may need the money, it is now gone.  You won't be able to make her do anything.  You may end up losing far more than the money if you try to go after her for it.  They are known for behavior like this. For whatever twisted concocted rationalizations she can contrive, it's a done deal in her head.  Be it a gift, a trophy, an entitlement, or a reengagement pretext for future use, it's best for yourself to write it off and be thankful she did not make off with more.

[nowwhatz]

Nowwhatz,

Emotionally and mentally what she did to me I can't even describe. Like I said I have a hard time believing people like this exist in the world. She made me question myself my friends my values my morals my family... .me. For a long time I hated myself and my life... .I believed without her there was  nothing and my only goal was to keep her. If I kept her my life had value... .I don't believe that anymore. The FOG had lifted and my mind is solid once again. It doesn't mean I don't miss the good times or the person I thought she was. I just know that person never existed. And I am strong for whatever she did to me... .I allowed it. And I will never have such low self worth to ever allow that again.

I hear you saying times are hard financially ... .hang in there. That will get better. You will move forward and recover. Your mind heart and soul will be stronger too. And don't ever feel embarrassed you loved and cared for someone and they took advantage and now You are rebuilding. That is courageous.

Reading these boards I now realize we are the quiet warriors. The strong unknown warriors who battle in silence. We battle a war called BPD that many in the world don't know exists. One we never signed up to fight in.  And everyday we move closer and closer to victory which is our recovery. We are our own hero's. No one can fight this battle for us. We have to fight it ourselves and we do everyday.  We do the hard work and recover. Yes we have scars but that is what makes us strong and wise.

Thanks W!

I am so glad to hear your recover is going well!   I guess I am still hurting too much to feel courageous for caring for someone who took advantage of me ... .even though I believe I have started my recovery. 

[nowwhatz]

Nowwhatz:

Having my BPDexgf not return a semi-expensive piece of personal property was the second worst thing about my entire ordeal.  Of course, second only to the push-pull roller coaster fun, insidious raging, rampant cheating and general all around weirdness that made her ever so special.  I eventually just accepted that I would never see my property again.  She later tried to use it as an excuse to reengage me out of the blue.  I told her to just keep it such was her toxicity to me.

As much as you may need the money, it is now gone.  You won't be able to make her do anything.  You may end up losing far more than the money if you try to go after her for it.  They are known for behavior like this. For whatever twisted concocted rationalizations she can contrive, it's a done deal in her head.  Be it a gift, a trophy, an entitlement, or a reengagement pretext for future use, it's best for yourself to write it off and be thankful she did not make off with more.

Hostnomore... .Great User Name!  Probably should have logged on here a couple of hours ago and read your reply.

In a moment of weakness or something I sent her a message about an hour ago politely but firmly asking her to start paying back sone of the $ beginning the 15th on a payment plan. I did say one slightly snarky thing "i know it is no problem for you getting $ from somebody and it is the right thing to do. thank you for your help" and "i wanted to let you know before your phone gets turned off or something"... .which is true... .if I was to ask it is now or never.

To my surprise she reacted within seconds with a message that will help me remember who and what she is.  

All she said was "Are you crazy! Think before you talk!"

I replied with a "There is nothing to argue about. Please let's be nice."  and "you know I have a lot of compassion. on the 15th let me know what you can pay. it is the right thing to do." and "contact me on the 15th with some $. Thanks for your help. Take care."

And that was it.

Pretty stupid huh?

I don't expect to get anything from her but I think I bought myself at least 2 weeks time where she will not try to reconnect romantically, now that I am the enemy.  And possibly if she gets through to me in the future I can say where's the money? Keep it all business.

Overall I had a really good day.

[nowwhatz]

Since I have never had any luck stopping any and all recycles I am trying the Goodfellas method:  F You! Pay me!  

Well a little bit of dark BPD humor there.