There are lots of references to grieving in reverse that exuBPD types do on here - is the consensus is that they do when they are not idealising their "new soul mate".
Equally is the contacting a friend of mine through a text and call that my friend didn't answer indirect contact? They are not friends at all and my contact with my ex was last ignoring a text from her at Christmas. This indirect contact with my friend who hardly really knows I can say for a fact is certainly not random as I am the only common denominator. I am interested in whether exBPD girlfriends do this as any contact to me direct would be rejection? Do they just nosey and try and keep tabs? And do they get jealous when you move on ?
Hi confused,
I can't give you a definitive answer on the "grieving in reverse". My personal opinion is that folks with the disorder simply stuff their feelings away as it's too much for them to deal with. Once they have returned to a calmer state - they may feel regret at what they've done. However, I don't believe they have the capacity to make proper amends. Shame is at the core of the disorder. Also fear. Along with emotional immaturity. These factors would inhibit an adult apology. Also, the disorder causes "blame shifting". It's not their fault. Ever. That would make them "all bad". Something that is unacceptable.
Contacting your friend is "contact via proxy". Using a third party to try and get information about you. It's common as there is no rejection from YOU involved in this type of contact. Yes, a good majority of them "keep tabs". My ex does it via an alternate FB account. I noticed that over the weekend (and again today), an old FB Xmas video of mine has suddenly spiked in views. Went from 88 original views to 100. In three days. From DECEMBER! Why? My voice and my laughter are on it. Is it my ex? Of course it is. Does it matter? Nope. He doesn't know how to reach out and communicate with me in the proper way. And after two years of No Contact and Silent Treatment (from him) - I'm done.
It's possible that they get jealous when you move on. Can't say for sure. What are you hoping for here? How long has it been since you communicated directly with her?
