He wants to "reconnect"

[Smileypants]

I just recently moved out of our bedroom.  We are not really talking.  He just called me and said he wants to see if we can reconnect. He said he understands if I don't want to try. Don't know what to do... .

[Smileypants]

I told him to Leave the other day,  am I don't really want to ride the rollercoaster again.  But I could use it as a "last chance"  where I can clearly set my boundaries and he will know what is expected & what will not be tolerated.

But I am sure that with our some major lasting changes, it will not work out

[Heldfast]

Any diagnosis? Any therapy, for you or him? Does he suspect he may be a BPD? Good luck with everything, and see if he'll get some help besides just the two of you trying together.

[Smileypants]

Diagnosed as a teenager. He is Also bipolar. He doesn't believe that anything is wrong with him. He doesn't know that I know the diagnosis, I found out after we got married(about a year). He didn't want to reconnect, he  just wanted to be taken care of sexually.  I new it was bs.  I can't believe I fell for it.  Why didn't I just say no, I ddon't want to reconnect.

[JohnLove]

Yuck!... .I am a guy and "taking care of me" sexually requires an emotional connection and emotional intimacy FIRST.

Don't be too hard on yourself. pwBPD are expert manipulators. I have found only one thing worse than making a bad decision... .

and that's sticking to it.

[Smileypants]

I want to get out.  He has ruined me financially, house is at risk, heat got shut off yesterday.  I have to fix everything.  I have find ways to juggle the bills so that this doesn't happen. 

He wants to be worshipped as the head of the household, he does work but he doesn't consistently contribute to bills in a way that we can stay on top of them.

I had to go to the food bank because we needed help.  I think that it good to put your pride aside and do what needs to be done to make sure the family gets fed.  He got mad at me for going.  "Because it makes us look bad"  Then he tells me he has money for food.  But then during the same conversation, he will say that we have no money and how do I expect him to pay for everything.

Example: pay day his check $1000 (2 week paycheck)  He gave me $400 towards bills.  Our bills are over $1700 a month.  Some weeks he refuses to give up any of his check.  How am I supposed to be able to pay all the bills, take care of all the kids(6),

keep a "50's tv housewife" clean of a house  with homemade dinners, worship the ground he walks on, and work... .

[OnceConfused]

the hardest decision for me was to leave xBPDgf. Deep inside I knew something was not right and in the long term the r.s would be a bad one. But my attachment kept me around for about 2 months before I mustered my courage to say good bye.

Guess what, I was a little afraid of the unknown future, but 8 years later I can tell you leaving xBPDgf was the best thing I ever did. Not only I have found a beautiful woman to marry and also have been very happy since. No drama, no worrying about being stabbed on the back

It sounds like in your case, deep down you know that this r/s is not good for the long term, but you in a way are afraid of the unknown future. don't worry about the unknown future, it will be better.

good luck

[Smileypants]

Thank you everyone for your support.  :-)  I hope I can get the courage to do what needs to be done.  I have known for quite awhile, just getting to the point where I be brave enough to go through the nightmare I know it's going to be.

[Loosestrife]

the hardest decision for me was to leave xBPDgf. Deep inside I knew something was not right and in the long term the r.s would be a bad one. But my attachment kept me around for about 2 months before I mustered my courage to say good bye.

Guess what, I was a little afraid of the unknown future, but 8 years later I can tell you leaving xBPDgf was the best thing I ever did. Not only I have found a beautiful woman to marry and also have been very happy since. No drama, no worrying about being stabbed on the back

It sounds like in your case, deep down you know that this r/s is not good for the long term, but you in a way are afraid of the unknown future. don't worry about the unknown future, it will be better.

good luck

This is nice to hear, thanks