I think I am ready to leave, but am I really?

[Shottsy85]

Keep reading these posts BadKitty. My exgf and I broke up two months ago but before that, we were together for three years. It has been tough the past two months but I keep reminding myself that the longer I stayed the worse it was getting. I had been wanting to leave since a long time ago but your reasons were also my reasons to stay. I also loved the way she loved me and fed my ego, but those were only during the few moments of good times when I was fulfilling her needs. I think about her a lot and I have already been replaced. That was hard to deal with but really it should give me all the answers I need. She seems very happy with him but she still tries to get in contact with me. Again, I remind myself that after every recycle, trust me there were plenty, things would be great for a while and then the shoe would drop and it would then be hell again. At least until she found someone to fill her needs or decided that I was filling them.

Stay strong, love yourself first.

After last weeks, when things are now spiraling out of control, all of those reasons no longer matter to me. I have realized I must leave. I know me just telling him and him realizing that I really am leaving has made things worse. But I have to do this for my own emotional well being. I really feel for my replacement, if and when there is one.

Good for you. He will find a replacement and then when things start to go bad most likely beg and plead and agree to work on themselves. Just stay strong. I am in the mess I  in because I gave my BPDbf a second chance after he left me for another relationship. As soon as he realized I was interested in someone else and gone for good he made up with my brother and started hanging out with him all the time, and made ammends to everyone even though I was keeping no contact he knew I would hear from family. Then he started to go to a BPD support group and got on meds (the group shut down so who knows if he would have stuck with it) but anyways he made all these outlandish promises said he wanted to take me on a special make up birthday date and begged me to let him do that for me and give him a chance. That was two and a half years ago.We have since moved back in together and as I mentioned I just found out he was sexually harassing my best friend and sexting another of his female friends. Just be prepared and aware of the manipulations that will probably follow. Mine also made obvious notions and acted suicidal. You are stronger than I, as I am still giving this a go even though it's finally coming to a head. He is in an intake session at a DBT clinic as I write this so hopefully they can work on him and I can focus on me. Just stay strong and don't doubt yourself.

[BadKitty]

Thank you Shottsy. I am trying to stay as strong as possible. The most difficult thing is that for some reason I still care. I see him in such pain (even though according to him it as all my fault) and it hurts me to see him suffering like that. The next month and a half is going to be so difficult to get through. Once I am out, I will have no contact with him. His number will be blocked from my phone. We don't work together, don't have any of the same friends so there is no way we will run into each other. Maybe me leaving will ease both of our pain and suffering but you are right, I do expect him to try contacting me, apologizing and begging.

[LifeIsBeautiful]

I just need to say something. May be relevant to you or note.

My therapist doesn't buy in to BPD. He says it is a symptom of something perhaps more complicated, what they call comorbidity I suppose. Whatever it is, it is harmful to us and others. That is the main point.

Gaslighting, verbal abuse, manipulation, emotional blackmail, lying, blaming; these are all the repertoire that they possess. God knows where they pick it up from, but it's effective otherwise there would not be so many people here.

How many times have I went back, feeling sympathetic and somewhat guilty that I could not have done more to make her feel better (that's the brainwashing from the consistent dialogue that was verbalised in almost all conversations). Journalise when there was a breakup and makeup. Analyse it afterwards. Don't be surprised if almost every time you took the blame. "If you had understood that I was in a foul mood this morning, I wouldn't have thrown that cup of coffee at you!. Anyway you weren't going to drink it." Play that scene again and it's just BS.

I recalled reading this somewhere, if you don't respect yourself, they won't respect you even more.