Question for those who are divorced

[going places]

Divorce was final June 2014.

25 years down the drain.

Threw him out July 2014 and have not seen him since.

House sold and closed last week.

In the process now of him paying the last of the bills, so I have to communicate via email with him.

He promised (signed on paper) if I would drop the price of the house 3K he would pay me back.

I did. I wanted out of that house.

There was a problem 3 days before we closed that cost 3k to fix.

He's now trying to get me to 'pay 1/2'.

I told him NO I dropped the price, he signed the paper, the end.

Yesterday, I laid on the couch all day.

I hate emailing with him.

He makes me feel like crap.

I am sick of compromising with him IE: him getting his way and screwing me.

I hate emailing with him. I hate it.

He makes me feel like crap... .and it sucks the life out of me.

How long will I feel like this? It's been 8 months... .

I effing hate that he has this much control over me still... .

[downwhim]

Going Places,

Married 22 years.

3 Kids

Bitter divorce

Same situation with me. Terrible emails back and for months. I was a wreck and he and his "lover" were trying hard to buy my house where we raised the kids and with a kitchen I loved and just remodeled.

Found out later, they had already bought a new home and were just playing this evil game with my head. They knew how much I loved my home and wanted to keep the kids there but could not afford it myself.

The pain you are going through WILL GET BETTER. With that long of a marriage it takes years to get over but once your through this last hurdle, my best advise is to remove him from your email. Block him and tell him from here on if there is an emergency with one of the kids etc... .text me.

Honestly, not getting those emails is a blessing. He no longer has control over me. He cannot upset me. He tried hard to get me to put him back on so he could rant about this or that but I said NO. Now I have added my BPD to the list of blocked. It is refreshing not to have to open my email and see one from either ready for the attack... .

It gets better... .

[Dutched]

A 30+ yrs, 2 kids, exw left in one of her typical outbursts end 2010.

Stand your ground and absolutely no FOG, please!

The way in which exw abruptly left (in a blink of an eye, same as in her teenage years, when exw in an outburst left her family and refused contact for almost a decade) still leaves me, in a way, difficult to depersonalize matters. After all previous outbursts in which exw threatened to end the r/s, exw showed ‘awareness’ of the consequences, special regarding life long consequences for the kids (see Judith Wallerstein). This time it was a willingly decision no matter what.

So a longstanding R/S with an emotional bond and secure financial future was destroyed, I can’t recuperate that anymore, never.

My house would have been free of mortgage. Now? I have a mortgage more than double of what I had.

I am forced to sell the house before my retirement and MUST rent one and even forced to use the profit for my pension.  

Exw had 2 yr to prepare the split of the belongings but finally failed as her descriptions were considered by court to be ‘to vague to split’ (a cooking pan in the kitchen…)

And unbelievable, exw even forgot to put on the list her diplomas, childhood and family belongings…

All of it, incl. diplomas, I disposed.

And for that, I didn’t took the high road…

I made pictures of that stuff and mailed exw to show it and using her saying   ‘it is just stuff and stuff can be replaced, can’t it?' …  

But oh yeah, exw didn’t forgot to claim pieces that are in my family for a 3-4 generations… to hurt, to destroy me. Exw failed with that too, it was legally already secured which exw knew, but dissociative tried…

In the end, exw tried to delay and sabotage (exw ‘felt’ that there was injustice done => the victim role…) the last items before the final signature, I just wrote to the notary (additional to the court order in this country to formalize the split): ‘When exw doesn’t sign, well then exw doesn’t, not my problem. I still live in the house and as exw is 50% owner too, so are all obligations. So the choise is all her's’. All was signed that same day.

You will get better, the ex will not… never.

Despite the mask, despite their ‘good times’, despite their ‘moving on’.

For as I see it that is exw’s burden, disorder or not! As a disorder is an explanation, NOT an excuse.

A same burden exw still carries with her about leaving her family once, as exw kept deeply expressing during all these yrs. the r/s lasted.