Feel broken

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

It's been two years since the split and today she looked very pretty when she dropped off my son.the thought of her sleeping with someone else tears me .her mom said she was not used to being with some one that was very handsome.is the insecure thing just an act because she seems very happy and heathy like really happy

[Hostage1234]

It's been two years since the split and today she looked very pretty when she dropped off my son.the thought of her sleeping with someone else tears me .her mom said she was not used to being with some one that was very handsome.is the insecure thing just an act because she seems very happy and heathy like really happy

[Turkish]

Her mother told you that... .to insult you? I don't understand.

Personally, a year out and I'm still angry. Sometimes i think, "16 more years before I never have to see her again."

Last month, she kind of broke down and hugged me tight, the first time in 16 months. I was angry at myself that I liked it. She's been sleeping with her affair partner/now fiancée for over year. Still, we shared six years together, and she's the mother of my children. No matter how sad and angry I am, I grudgingly accept that it's natural that I have lingering feelngs for her, despite everything she did.

Can you validate yourself, Hostage, and accept that your feelings are genuine? We talk a lot here about validating others, but sometimes the hardest person to validate is one's self.

[Targeted]

They are crafty!  There are behind the scenes games that you can't figure out'. Once you figure out that you can't rationalise the order of the game than you will see the disorder makes sense and now that it makes sense it's not what you want or can deal with.

[going places]

It's been two years since the split and today she looked very pretty when she dropped off my son.the thought of her sleeping with someone else tears me

What are you doing for 'you'?

The more you focus on healing you and making good, positive changes in your life, the less you will notice her and her life.

her mom said she was not used to being with some one that was very handsome.

1. She 'enabling her' or burying her head in the sand making excuses.

2. She's a terrible person for insulting you

3. At the very least she is inappropriate.

Ignore and try to dismiss what she has said.

It's another 'excuse'. YOU need to look at facts. Cold, hard facts, and logic.

is the insecure thing just an act because she seems very happy and heathy like really happy

She only has to be in your presence for a small amount of time, and it only takes a few minutes to win the Academy Award.

"SEEMS" could be the key word.

She could be faking it for you, so you will comment, so she can either hurt you more or so that she can 'be honest' and fall apart and suck you right back in.

STOP focusing on her.

Treat her like a complete stranger.

Do not let her appearance or empty words trick you into thinking, ruminating, dwelling, or even a passing thought about her... .

Turn the focus on you and your kids.

Totally off her.

[Hostage1234]

I see the games clear now example they keep most of the cloths I buy then return them when he grows out of them.she will say things like my sister boyfriends parents want to meet my son.but really she is saying her boyfriends parents are coming into town.i think I have so much in my head about what happen its hard to get it out in the post

[Hostage1234]

That is true how do they go from having a breakdown cause there home alone foe an hour to she can get her fix just seeing me on a weekend for 2min

[Hostage1234]

She's said when am I gonna see you again.i took that as she wanted me to say that to her.