new boyfriend

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

so my ex has a new man in her life, today when I brought my daughter back after my weekend with her he was in my exs front yard. I gave my daughter to my ex and my daughter started pointing towards this guy like she wanted him to get her.  This struck a bad cord for me and My nerves are already raw at this point as I hate bringing my daughter back, my mind is racing and im thinking very negatively.

my daughter has been upset the past 3 weekends ive had her when I bring her back. she gets upset with me and seems mad and depressed.  The negative thoughts im having is that im being replaced as her father, ive been told that it wont happen because its a bond that's hard to break but im having a hard time with this guy being around my daughter so soon and her being so young.

I feel that I am over reacting, thoughts? my daughter pointing at this guy isn't sitting well with me, maybe my emotions are running to high and im so mentally tired  and emotionally drained

anyone else deal with this ? how do you handle it?

thanks for listening

[Eco]

so my ex has a new man in her life, today when I brought my daughter back after my weekend with her he was in my exs front yard. I gave my daughter to my ex and my daughter started pointing towards this guy like she wanted him to get her.  This struck a bad cord for me and My nerves are already raw at this point as I hate bringing my daughter back, my mind is racing and im thinking very negatively.

my daughter has been upset the past 3 weekends ive had her when I bring her back. she gets upset with me and seems mad and depressed.  The negative thoughts im having is that im being replaced as her father, ive been told that it wont happen because its a bond that's hard to break but im having a hard time with this guy being around my daughter so soon and her being so young.

I feel that I am over reacting, thoughts? my daughter pointing at this guy isn't sitting well with me, maybe my emotions are running to high and im so mentally tired  and emotionally drained

anyone else deal with this ? how do you handle it?

thanks for listening

[tjay933]

as long as you remain in her life, she will always know you are her father. her mothers bfs will come and go. she will never see anyone else as her father as her mother will never keep any man long enough for her to get that attached to. i do feel for you though. that's a tough one. we're here for you.   

[Eco]

as long as you remain in her life, she will always know you are her father. her mothers bfs will come and go. she will never see anyone else as her father as her mother will never keep any man long enough for her to get that attached to. i do feel for you though. that's a tough one. we're here for you.  love Empathy

thank you so much it helps to hear that 

[tjay933]

another thought occurred to me. as she ages she will start to see your stability and will probably crave to be with you more. as she gets older, the courts may give you more time and joint/sole custody as well. she will most likely grow up to be a very stable person as she will see the absolute difference between your stability and the mess at home. this is all because of your fight right now. good on you. 

[Nope]

DH's kids were 4 and 5 when his BPD ex got involved with a guy eight years younger than her. She ended up getting pregnant so he spent years being a primary caretaker of DH's two kids for the next four years. During that time DH lived out of state and saw the kids very rarely. There was even a year and a half where she wouldn't let him see them or speak to them at all. In the meantime her BF packed their lunch every day, taught them right from wrong, even taught the girl how to do a cartwheel.

DH was ALWAYS still their dad. Period. Nothing the BF did for them diminished that one bit. Now the BF is gone and the children successfully alienated into totally forgetting there was ever anything good about him. But the look in their eyes when their daddy says he's proud of them... .There is nothing that compares to that.

The kids now live full time with us, but they do occasionally spend time with the BPD mom and her new BF. The new BF is trying really hard to get the kids to like him in all those ways insecure adults try. But he seems like their mom's next nice guy victim. DH says he's just glad that right now there is someone to even her out and get her to treat the kids a little better when they are in her care.

[Eco]

another thought occurred to me. as she ages she will start to see your stability and will probably crave to be with you more. as she gets older, the courts may give you more time and joint/sole custody as well. she will most likely grow up to be a very stable person as she will see the absolute difference between your stability and the mess at home. this is all because of your fight right now. good on you.  love

thank you, it is a night and day difference at my house vs my exs. I know how to relax and not be on the run 24 7 and enjoy just being home and play. my ex is super rigid and inflexible and melts down when things aren't in order while I try to show that you don't have to be a robot.

it makes me sad because ive watched the change in my daughter go from calm and care free to oppressed and afraid to act. 

[Eco]

DH's kids were 4 and 5 when his BPD ex got involved with a guy eight years younger than her. She ended up getting pregnant so he spent years being a primary caretaker of DH's two kids for the next four years. During that time DH lived out of state and saw the kids very rarely. There was even a year and a half where she wouldn't let him see them or speak to them at all. In the meantime her BF packed their lunch every day, taught them right from wrong, even taught the girl how to do a cartwheel.

DH was ALWAYS still their dad. Period. Nothing the BF did for them diminished that one bit. Now the BF is gone and the children successfully alienated into totally forgetting there was ever anything good about him. But the look in their eyes when their daddy says he's proud of them... .There is nothing that compares to that.

The kids now live full time with us, but they do occasionally spend time with the BPD mom and her new BF. The new BF is trying really hard to get the kids to like him in all those ways insecure adults try. But he seems like their mom's next nice guy victim. DH says he's just glad that right now there is someone to even her out and get her to treat the kids a little better when they are in her care.

thank you that's very comforting to hear. Nice guy victim is exactly what my ex chooses as well and unfortunately I am on that list, luckily I grew a backbone when it came to fighting for my daughter. I have to learn to do that for me as well, I definitely have some insecurities that need to be corrected and that's why my exs new boyfriend really set those off and have me so worried