Irrational Jealousy of your exes, have you felt it?

[Reecer1588]

Foreword

I have thought many irrational thoughts in my life. When I was 14-15 and my addiction to online poker began, I thought I could make thousands of dollars. I thought I could become a professional poker player, and beat everyone on the felt. Years later, when I was 18, On october 9th, 2014. I declared that I was a gambling addict. I could not control my behavior. That is the last day I have ever gambled online.

Today

Sitting out here on the balcony, looking out to my university courtyard. I analyze my thoughts. I begin to balance my questions on BPDf about her behavior/thoughts and my own. And this threat, is about ME.

Irrationally Jealous Thoughts

I wish I could feel nothing like my ex.

I wish I could just cut her out of my life as she did to me.

I wish I could just move on with my life like she has done.

I wish I could have twisted everything in my mind to where it was all her fault, like everything to her is all my fault.

I wish I had parents willing to go to crazy ass lengths like call lawyers and threaten harassment suits for NOTHING.

I wish I had the attractive looks and body of my ex, so I could just get girls whenever I wanted.

I wish I had balls, my ex told me "you need to grow a pair"

Like she feels nothing to me, Like I'm a non-existent being now, I wish she were the same to me.

I wish I had the mental strength like she does to go on negative diatribes with no remorse, don't hold ANYTHING BACK.

I wish I could garner sympathy from people simply because I'm a man, I wish that police would just listen to my story without checking out anything, simply because I'm a man.

Rational, non-jealous Thought Responses

I am not disordered. I am a human being with intense emotion who doesn't suppress these any more.

Cutting people out of your life who have shown you time and time again that they love you and care about you, is wrong. And sometimes, disordered.

"Moving On" With your life isn't an instantaneous process like hers was with me. I am healthy because I do not go from telling someone that I love them to threatening legal action against them and their family within days.

I understand that her likely BPD influences her behavior. I should have recognized this earlier, before everything happened. I had faults, too.

Well my parents are in a loving marriage, not a crazy ass divorce that probably scarred my ex for life, so... .

Hey I've lost 30 pounds and feel good about my looks.

My ex girlfriend should know better that I have balls. She has seen them enough.  

People don't just fall of the face of the Earth just because your emotions say that they do.

Again, the unrelenting rages over text message, definitely signs of a serious mental issue.

Well that part is true.

[Heldfast]

Why just this moment I was having a "F8ck her and the stupid F*cking decisions she's made to ruin our lives together and chase after some miserable POS as her new flame." So yeah, it happens. Messaging you some reading to try separately.

[Reecer1588]

Why just this moment I was having a "F8ck her and the stupid F*cking decisions she's made to ruin our lives together and chase after some miserable POS as her new flame." So yeah, it happens. Messaging you some reading to try separately.

LULZ yes I've heard that it is common for our ex's with BPD to just go after the easiest Mark around. It really pains me to say this, but it's the truth, and I must say it. I know for gospel truth, that right now, my ex girlfriend would say 'yes' to the first guy who asked her out on a date. No questions asked. No "but who are you" or "Sorry I just got out of a long term relationship". Uh uh, no. She would say yes to the first Mark that tries.

[sun seeker]

 Reece what's good bro? Great topic.

 

    Yea my dexBPDgf of two yyears, got heated at me on my b-day.

A little back story: I was in a nonBPD  r/s for 9 yrs about 5 yrs  prior to my BPD r/s.   

My non ex lives in a different state and only contact we have is through  text  saying happy b-day or Merry Christmas or god forbid a family death.   And my dexBPDgf knew of this since the first month  our r/s because I told her.

So on my birthday I get a text from my non ex "happy b-day" nothing more. She went off the hook on me. My dexBPDgf would get calls and text from exs and she would say they ar just friends. (Untill i found out otherwise which where all her orbiters male and female ) One way street brother man all day.

  A person can only trust you as much as they trust themselves! ! 100