It's one of those bad days

[Depression = 72% of members]

I woke up this morning with that heartbroken sinking feeling in my chest that I thought was gone for good. Has anyone had this feeling come back after months? I have also been dreaming like crazy these last few nights but this could all be hormonal because I had an iud placed on Friday. All I know is I'm depressed and hurting like day 1 and of course I checked fb and saw him and my replacement out happy all weekend mean while I couldn't get him out of the house when we were together

[Left broken and confused]

I woke up this morning with that heartbroken sinking feeling in my chest that I thought was gone for good. Has anyone had this feeling come back after months? I have also been dreaming like crazy these last few nights but this could all be hormonal because I had an iud placed on Friday. All I know is I'm depressed and hurting like day 1 and of course I checked fb and saw him and my replacement out happy all weekend mean while I couldn't get him out of the house when we were together

[fromheeltoheal]

Well, checking Facebook wasn't a great idea, you know that, but since you did, are they really happy or did it just look that way?  It's common to see a Facebook fiction and think maybe he was the sane one all along and they have a magical relationship and I'm the reason it didn't work and it's all my fault and sht life sucks; that's a disempowering spiral that is a choice, and you know him, and really, would you want to be her?  I know for a fact that my ex treats all of her attachments like she treated me, although it looks different from the outside because she 'adopts' the lifestyle of whomever she's with, and whomever she's with now is just someone who will be grateful that he's out one day, better him than me, I'm already grateful.

And yes, detachment and healing are not linear, it can feel like two steps forward and one step back sometimes, and there may be other things going on in our lives that aren't so great right now, nothing to do with the ex, but we assign feelings around our ex to that too, just to pile on the crap.  Been there.  So the solution is to remember what is real and what is best for you, keep moving in that direction, feel the emotions all the way, and they will pass.  I'm assuming since you had a IUD placed that you plan on having sex, which can be a very good thing, and one foot in front of the other, on the way to the life of your dreams.  Take care of you!

[Left broken and confused]

It's funny because that's it exactly he has completely adapted to her and is drinking way too much. The iud is for medical reasons but I really do hope to have sex again one day I've been out on 1 date and saw a million red flags and ran fast the other way. He was talking marriage after the first day. Scared the hell out of me:)

[fromheeltoheal]

He was talking marriage after the first day. Scared the hell out of me:)

Yikes!  That happened to me too, and there's a bunch of ways to take it; I took it as a compliment, she must have really seen a lot in me to want to go there so soon.  Of course there could be other reasons, none of them healthy, and you're right, big red flag, but aren't we getting better at noticing these things?  My red flag radar is finely tuned these days, I probably overcompensate even, but that's OK, better than the other way.  Plus it's the difference between living in scarcity and living in abundance; we are awesome people, even better and wiser than we were before our borderline experiences, and the right people would be more than happy to have us in their lives, so there's no reason to settle for crap.  And it takes a while and a lot of experiences to meet those people who are right for us, so best to get started right away.  A friend I respect and has always had very empowered romantic relationships, says maybe 5% of the people you meet are really good potential mates, so it's best to meet a whole lot of people to maximize that 5%.  Dunno how accurate that is, but I'm typing this in Starbucks, about to strike up a conversation with someone attractive, no time like the present, happiness is created by progress, and focusing on the future makes the past not matter, beyond the education we got and get to take with us.  Take care of you!

[rlhmm]

hi broken, sorry you're having these feelings. not uncommon at all. unfortunately from my experience, i have days when i get up and everything is fine... .others not so much. its been a little over 7 months post b/u for me and it still happens. i think it is because of lonliness mostly and like fromheeltoheal said, other things in our lives that arent so great that we attach. not that i miss my exdpwBPDgf or that never ending drama from a complete phony. i also agree that checking their facebook is a bad idea. thats what triggered me back in august. BIG MISTAKE! had i not done that i would have never had such a bad trigger. i wished i'd never done that. i'll never do it again. i have blocked her on every level. maybe you should too. all that is for show. nothing more. its fake. you shouldnt subject yourself to that. you know how your ex was, and so do i. mine was phony from the word go. if there wasnt anything good to post she just posted crap or didnt post at all. so keep working on you... .one day at a time. stay busy, get out do things you like to do, meet people, be with friends who matter, etc. our exes certainly dont matter anymore!  all my best!        

[Left broken and confused]

Fromheeltotoe good luck with the lady in Starbucks I do have a crush on someone but have no nerve to approach him yet I think we should start a dating website for all of us recovering cause at least we understand each other.

rlhmm I make the fb mistake daily and I hate myself for it. You are totally right its not that I miss having him it's that I miss having someone. I also hate the fact that he is the one that has a problem but he is smiling and happy while I hurt

[fromheeltoheal]

We had a nice chat and I asked her to dinner next week.  There were no glaring red flags, and that's really the point; I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm looking for interaction.  Folks with personality disorders are a small percentage of the population, and it is very helpful to get out into the world and interact with 'normal' people, plus the more we do it, the less our exes matter and the hurt just evaporates.  I recommend it highly LBC, with no expectations, just interaction out in the world for interaction's sake.  Take care of you!

[rlhmm]

broken, i agree!  there should be a website. my ex was so fake and was so easy for her to throw out a fake smile it actually, now that i think about it, looked like she was gritting her teeth rather than a smile.     so yeah, do yourself a favor, dont look at that phony hogwash. see it for what it is, juvenile behavior BPD style.  

[rlhmm]

as usual fhth, thats good stuff there! 

[Left broken and confused]

Know what's funny is it's not his fb that I can see it's his new gf. She seems to post everything they do. Maybe she is worse than  him.

[jhkbuzz]

We had a nice chat and I asked her to dinner next week.  There were no glaring red flags, and that's really the point; I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm looking for interaction.  Folks with personality disorders are a small percentage of the population, and it is very helpful to get out into the world and interact with 'normal' people, plus the more we do it, the less our exes matter and the hurt just evaporates.  I recommend it highly LBC, with no expectations, just interaction out in the world for interaction's sake.  Take care of you!

I soo agree! I'm 7 months post b/u, going out, meeting new people, and it's been awesome.  Not looking for any big, serious r/s's... .I just want to get to know new people; different people; see who's out there and figure out what I want and like and who I'm attracted to.   I met a really nice guy last night, and maybe I'll see him again and maybe I won't, but the important thing is that I had a really great time and every new person I meet broadens my horizons a little bit more.  

L'Chayim - to life!

[Vatz]

Aw, I'm sorry to hear that. 

Its rough and yes I too have had my dreams about her. Funny thing is, my own dreams have become a little more vivid and colorful lately. Still weird as ___ and then she gets thrown into the mix somehow. Somehow my brain ties her into it.

Yeah, its difficult and truth is, sometimes you'll look back with nostalgia only to get the painful reminder that its over.

Next time you have the impulse to check her on fb, don't. You already know what's gonna happen when you do. Better yet, keep your use of fb to a minimum in general, social networking sites (fb, myspace, twitter, etc.) are a blight on human interaction anyway.

[Left broken and confused]

Vatz

You are absolutely right about social media which I have always stayed away from anyway. I kept myself really busy today as a matter of fact just got home and sat down. I have made it pasted yet another terrible day. Posting definitely helped