How to document no homework

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Can anyone suggest ways in which I can document that NPD/BPD father repeatedly fails to have children do homework?  Does it even matter (is it a waste of time to document), or will a court shrug their shoulders and not do anything?

[Ulysses]

Can anyone suggest ways in which I can document that NPD/BPD father repeatedly fails to have children do homework?  Does it even matter (is it a waste of time to document), or will a court shrug their shoulders and not do anything?

[david]

I copy every homework that our youngest has done for the last three school years. I sign and date everyone he does with me. I started signing them three plus years ago and ex started signing what he does when with her. I gave copies to my atty and a single sheet spelling out the details. S11 does around 90% of all homework when with me. Over half of the other 10% is either incorrect or incomplete. I have him do all corrections when with me. He doesn't like that but that is my rule.

I am seeking more time with our boys because of that. I filed two plus years ago and just this year the courts gave me more time during the school year as a temp order. Ex still does the same thing even after it was put in the petition to modify custody ? Both of our boys grades went up after the extra time was court ordered. It should become permanent in June. I have been very adamant that my view is education is important.

When S11 does his corrections I sign and date that too. I also make a copy then. Ex actually gives him the answers (according to S11/I believe him because he doesn't get those answers when with me) and I have a hard time figuring out what she is doing. Third, fourth, fifth grade math is not that difficult but ex has found ways that are difficult to comprehend. I am a high school math teacher so I usually can figure out how someone is getting a problem incorrect.

[david]

Yes the pile is big. That is why I have a single sheet with all the info on that. In court the judge is given the large pile and the single sheet. He doesn't want to go through it all so he gives it to ex and asks her is she agrees with the single sheet. If she doesn't agree then we have to go through each and every homework. That would piss the judge off big time since I am telling the truth. Once ex agrees with the single sheet it is introduced as evidence. You have to make sure your atty does that. It is a procedure. The reason is that judges MUST base their rulings on evidence. It's the way the game is played. Atty's don't like to do it because it takes time. Judges don't like it for the same reason. However, my atty has no problem with it and it makes things easier to accomplish in court.

[whirlpoollife]

  Does it even matter (is it a waste of time to document)

"If you can't prove your defense, you loose."

Keep documenting.  I use a calendar notebook that has the month and daily parts. The month can show the patterns, and the daily you can write it out.  Or online , if it can be printed out easy .

It's tedious but it has to be done.

Three years since I filed for divorce. H wants money and has hinted that "he wants to be the primary  parent". It's 55/45 now.

So the documentation would be my defense that he shouldn't have more time than what he has now.

[hope2727]

I missed my homework in grade 4 once. (On purpose I might add.) My mom, who was a teacher got a little notebook and made me carry it to and from school every single day. My teacher would write the homework in it and then my mom would sign that I had done it. It had a page for every day with a date at the top and the homework and my teachers signature. It was a serious lesson in accountability. Perhaps the teacher would agree to that. Then the days nothing is done there would be a record.

[david]

When S11 was in third grade I talked to his teacher about his homework not being done at his moms. He gave me all his homework for the week on Monday. I found ways around ex and it worked. His teacher indicated he already met with his mom and figured some things out.

In fourth grade I did the same thing and things worked out.

He is in fifth grade now and has an assignment book which he has to write his assignments in daily. His teacher understands what is going. She talked to his former teachers. She does give him some leeway on when the assignments have to be completed.

My plan is to have him responsible enough by middle school so he will not have any leeway by then. It was the same plan I used with S16.

[scraps66]

We have had an issue with our S10 not doing his homework, intentionally leaving his homework folder in school, and lying about whether he has homework or not.  The lying part only hurts him so I don't know why he does it and it may be some PAS effect that is directed at me.  Granted, exNPDBPDw, a teacher, professes to be the one that will do homework, but most times when I go through the bags it is difficult to know what the homework actually is, then I ask S10.  Usually he will say he has no homework, and usually he does have homework.  Ex will also keep their folders at her house.  I've been arguing that everything stays in their bags.  We play this same game with the lunch bags.

To answer the question, from my perspective in my courthouse, I think counting homework assignments alone would be received as petty and not something to be brought up in court.  That's just my feeling.  In comparison to the number of significant issues in my case, like avoiding a credible psychological evaluation, to ripping the kids out of my daycare and making scenes at school, all of which was glossed over by court, homework assignments would be something that I don't think they care about.  Unfortunately. 

However, I would still be documenting this as I am sure there are other behaviors that go along with the homework that are likely not good and add to the dossier of dynamics that you are trying to create.  So everything submitted in total can be a compelling story.  But homework alone I don't think is worth fighting about.

If not already, I would work with the teachers to get a weekly homework sheet so you don't have to depend on the kids or the other parent for information.   

[livednlearned]

The judge in my case took school-related things seriously.

You will probably need to tie it directly to her grades, or show how she is struggling to keep up, so it doesn't come across the wrong way. Judges don't like for parents to use the court rooms to resolve disputes, they prefer to only be dragged in after you've documented an ongoing problem or tried to solve it other ways. A place of last resort. So document everything -- not just how she might be struggling in school, but the things you try to do to instill good habits. My son is ADHD so I hired a tutor who helps ADHD kids develop good homework habits. N/BPDx tried to sabotage it, so I documented that too.