Break N/C is no good idea, headache back

[apple2]

Hi team,

after he broke up with me, I decided to leave. We had limited contact for 1.5 month. And then he began to contact me intensively and wanted to see me. I refused.

Gradually, my sympathy / empathy is back again. He said a lot, such as he realized that I am very precious for him, because I can forgive his behavior again and again. He contacted me very actively, several times a day. It seemed that he began to understand. I thought so.

Even he chose a wallpaper for his laptop, which says "I am my own problem, and I am also the solution."

After fast 3 months, I agreed to meet him, to go out with him, to forget things in the past. However, just after two weeks, the old way repeated. He showed me cold shoulder again. I mean without any reason, from every day many SMS to 0, as if this person were dissappeared.

He admitted that everything depends on his mood. I feel the distance between us is one day zero, one day very huge... .I cannot tell the truth of life. Yesterday, he was with all my friends as my partner, today he is like a stranger.

Time flies! This kind of twist between me and him lasts for almost a year... .I amazed how I can live through this.

Right now, sometimes I am sad, sometimes I felt empty(don't know why I only have feeling for him instead of other guys), but all in all, I feel much better than the worst time. At least I can get up and not cry everyday.

Conclusion: If you can keep N/C, it would be the best!Since nothing will change.  

For me, anyway I would have very limited contact tlll zero. I hope time can let my feeling go and stay N/C from my side, regardless of what he wrote or said.

[Turkish]

He admitted that everything depends on his mood. I feel the distance between us is one day zero, one day very huge... .I cannot tell the truth of life. Yesterday, he was with all my friends as my partner, today he is like a stranger.

That's an honest admission. Though you can affect his moods, the often uncontrollable emotions of a pwBPD are what drive him, and govern the way he sees and reacts to the world. Ultimately, he alone is responsible for his feelings. Even if you could, would you want intimacy, or even close friendship with someone like that?

[Alberto]

That sounds really histrionic. Look for HPD push pull in google, it'll show you some posts in psychforums that will help you understand and give you some closure.

Many of the stories I read here fall more into the histrionic co-morbidity, and it's perhaps worse than BPD. Histrionics are more cruel because they thrive in your atention and get cold when they have it, and their need is so big that they disregard how it all makes you feel.

[Beach_Babe]

I'm so sorry to hear what happened, apple. I recently had a similar experience.  What are you doing now to take care of you?

[apple2]

He admitted that everything depends on his mood. I feel the distance between us is one day zero, one day very huge... .I cannot tell the truth of life. Yesterday, he was with all my friends as my partner, today he is like a stranger.

That's an honest admission. Though you can affect his moods, the often uncontrollable emotions of a pwBPD are what drive him, and govern the way he sees and reacts to the world. Ultimately, he alone is responsible for his feelings. Even if you could, would you want intimacy, or even close friendship with someone like that?

The last sentence is quite true. I also think even for a friend, I cannot accept it. Because a normal friend is someone you can call at any time (of course not too late or too early), someone you care about each other, someone you can go lunch with... .

My problem is, his confession sometimes is so deep. Such as he knows he has the problem, he is so grateful that I can go out with him again, he knows he is not worth being forgiven, he didn't intend to treat me bad... .It makes me think ok, right now he begin to understand, begin to change. But no.

[apple2]

Histrionics are more cruel because they thrive in your atention and get cold when they have it, and their need is so big that they disregard how it all makes you feel.

You are right. He gave me too much attention and made me accustomed to have him around, and then suddenly he is gone. Later he will be back and repeat this mode once more. He absolutely does not care what I feel, when he is not in the mood to care. I don't understand how i can love a man who does not understawnd some basic life principles?

[apple2]

I'm so sorry to hear what happened, apple. I recently had a similar experience.  What are you doing now to take care of you?

I am sorry to hear that you experience the similar thing. It's not easy. My solutiton is to work. Thanks God, I have a job I like, and the job keeps me very busy. It is a good distraction. Still when I come back home late night, when he came back into my mind, my headache is there.

When I was so obssessed with him, i could even not engage in my hobbies. I went out with friends, made long vocation, played piano, read books, did sport, still part of my thinking is him. Work is the only thing can make me forget about him for a while, because I need to finish all tasks before each deadline.