What are some time frames for your healing?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I want to apologize to all of you reading my posts today. I am going through a major anger cycle. I'm angry at my ex's parents for screwing her up. Especially her mother. I feel nothing but seething rage for her mother. Complete contempt. I'm angry at my ex for being so sadistic. I'm just angry right now. I'm angry at myself as well.

Have a nice day all,


Reece

This why we all are here. We can take out our anger without hurting anyone. We all have been there and still are there sometimes.

[Maternus]

I want to apologize to all of you reading my posts today. I am going through a major anger cycle. I'm angry at my ex's parents for screwing her up. Especially her mother. I feel nothing but seething rage for her mother. Complete contempt. I'm angry at my ex for being so sadistic. I'm just angry right now. I'm angry at myself as well.

Have a nice day all,


Reece

This why we all are here. We can take out our anger without hurting anyone. We all have been there and still are there sometimes.

[woofhound]

Healing process for me:

SHOCK- did she just... .holy hell. she did.

INTENSE PAIN-my humanity had been disregarded.

CONFUSION- was convinced that I was in the wrong and at times even that I might be crazy.

BPD FAMILY- I sought answers and spent a couple of months on here reading the stories of others.

THERAPY- discovered that I have a white knight complex and other issues related to my relationship with ex.

POWER- decided to take care of myself. learned that I am a best a learned to believe in myself.  began physically honing myself and became a distance runner. started back to university.

COASTING- learned so much that I kinda owe that girl. I feel empathetic toward her, but no longer allow control.

TIME ELAPSED: about a year. 6 months before I didn't think about her all the time. 8 months before I discovered myself completely and realized that removing her from the picture allowed me to focus on myself and my future.

If you are a white knight, you derive you sense of self worth from saving someone, and a BPD is the perfect damsel in distress. No matter how many times you save them there will always be another battle to fight. However, in doing so, you might find yourself with nothing to show at the end of the day.

Shift your focus away from her. She only has as much power as you convince yourself she has. She thinks she has the sword, White Knight... .but the sword is in YOUR HANDS.

[jhkbuzz]

Healing process for me:

SHOCK- did she just... .holy hell. she did.

INTENSE PAIN-my humanity had been disregarded.

CONFUSION- was convinced that I was in the wrong and at times even that I might be crazy.

BPD FAMILY- I sought answers and spent a couple of months on here reading the stories of others.

THERAPY- discovered that I have a white knight complex and other issues related to my relationship with ex.

POWER- decided to take care of myself. learned that I am a best a learned to believe in myself.  began physically honing myself and became a distance runner. started back to university.

COASTING- learned so much that I kinda owe that girl. I feel empathetic toward her, but no longer allow control.

TIME ELAPSED: about a year. 6 months before I didn't think about her all the time. 8 months before I discovered myself completely and realized that removing her from the picture allowed me to focus on myself and my future.

If you are a white knight, you derive you sense of self worth from saving someone, and a BPD is the perfect damsel in distress. No matter how many times you save them there will always be another battle to fight. However, in doing so, you might find yourself with nothing to show at the end of the day.

Shift your focus away from her. She only has as much power as you convince yourself she has. She thinks she has the sword, White Knight... .but the sword is in YOUR HANDS.

Very apt description... .I never really thought about the fact that my initial response wasn't intense pain... .it was shock.  And it lasted a while.  Then the intense pain. "My humanity disregarded"... .yes, indeed.

These boards are so valuable... .when someone puts my vague thoughts into articulate words it somehow helps produce a little more healing, a little more understanding.

[Jack2727]

We have all been there... .

I think the hardest thing is trying to relate to these people who are not mentally hardwired as us. We have all been abandoned in the most cruel way. I remember sobbing in my car at Midway Airport three days before Christmas. The pain we experience by losing someone we love is sometimes unbearable.

Let it out! Don't let it consume you! It will! For weeks I woke up miserable and missing her. I felt dead, hopeless. Someone who I loved SO much did the unthinkable. She killed my heart and blew up my dream.

We are left with memories. I'm left with a trail of memories from last year. Places I went with her, moments we shared, times that will never come back.

There comes a time when it gets easier. When she will fade away. I think about my ex maybe 20% of the day now. I wonder what she is doing. I still care about her. It's crazy! As much as she hurt me I still care about her. I know she is mentally ill.

I think you will get to the point and realize that they cared for us as much as they could. They will never be able to love someone normally. They will either abuse another naive guy who has no idea what he is in for or spend a life chasing after the love of a ahole who will never give it.

Consider yourself part of a special club. You are one strong person. I think the mental strength can be equated to someone joining the special forces. There have been many days where I have wanted to quit. There have been many days where I wanted to break NC. But I wont!

I miss her! I miss the idea of what she reflected back to me. She is gone and I know she probably wont come back. I did my best, and so did you. Live and learn man!

[Reecer1588]

We have all been there... .

I think the hardest thing is trying to relate to these people who are not mentally hardwired as us. We have all been abandoned in the most cruel way. I remember sobbing in my car at Midway Airport three days before Christmas. The pain we experience by losing someone we love is sometimes unbearable.

Let it out! Don't let it consume you! It will! For weeks I woke up miserable and missing her. I felt dead, hopeless. Someone who I loved SO much did the unthinkable. She killed my heart and blew up my dream.

We are left with memories. I'm left with a trail of memories from last year. Places I went with her, moments we shared, times that will never come back.

There comes a time when it gets easier. When she will fade away. I think about my ex maybe 20% of the day now. I wonder what she is doing. I still care about her. It's crazy! As much as she hurt me I still care about her. I know she is mentally ill.

I think you will get to the point and realize that they cared for us as much as they could. They will never be able to love someone normally. They will either abuse another naive guy who has no idea what he is in for or spend a life chasing after the love of a ahole who will never give it.

Consider yourself part of a special club. You are one strong person. I think the mental strength can be equated to someone joining the special forces. There have been many days where I have wanted to quit. There have been many days where I wanted to break NC. But I wont!

I miss her! I miss the idea of what she reflected back to me. She is gone and I know she probably wont come back. I did my best, and so did you. Live and learn man!

Part of me is just so envious of those who have been contacted by their exes. And part of my is so envious of those who have been recycled.

[cosmonaut]

Part of me is just so envious of those who have been contacted by their exes. And part of my is so envious of those who have been recycled.

Me too.  I would give almost anything to be able to speak to her again.  I think of her every single day and pray for her every single night.  I wonder how she's doing, how her health is holding up and if she's getting all the treatments she needs, if she's happy.  I want her to be happy and healthy and well.  So much.  And it is agonizing to not be able to know and just have to wonder.  It kills me to have no way to even say hi to her.  I've been banished from her world, and in the most unjust and undeserved way.  I've been given the death penalty and I didn't even do the crime.  It really, really hurts.  I often think that I could really do this if I could just speak to her every once in a while.  But she's as silent as the grave.  It's like she died.  Except worse somehow.  She's just gone - poof.

I understand where you are coming from Reece.  And I can relate to your anger.  I get angry sometimes too.  When you have been abandoned and hurt this badly by someone you deeply love, I think anger is an inescapable reaction sometimes.   Hang in there, my man.

[Invictus01]

I think the hardest thing is trying to relate to these people who are not mentally hardwired as us. We have all been abandoned in the most cruel way. I remember sobbing in my car at Midway Airport three days before Christmas. The pain we experience by losing someone we love is sometimes unbearable. 

Yeah dude... .3 weeks after she erased me out of her life, I boarded the plane to go on the trip we scheduled together to "visit her"... .And I just started crying. Tried to hide it as much as I could, but I just couldn't help myself. I am pretty sure people around me thought I was nuts... .

[Reecer1588]

Me too.  I would give almost anything to be able to speak to her again. And it is agonizing to not be able to know and just have to wonder.  It kills me to have no way to even say hi to her. I've been banished from her world, and in the most unjust and undeserved way.  I've been given the death penalty and I didn't even do the crime.

If I could just express to you how much I understand these exact words, I would. I have literally thought these EXACT things, word for word. I am clinging desperately on to my last threads of hope that this relationship really is not over. I'm clinging onto the last bit of hope that my beloved ex will come back to me. That she will just wake up! Wake up sweetheart! Just wake up! Please please please I beg of you honey bear just wake up from this. Don't you see that I love you very much? Don't you see that you're my happiness, my joy? Don't you see how much I care about you? Please just wake up honey. This isn't real. This can't be real. How did I go from being everything, your sweetheart, your love, your honey bear to your nothing? To your enemy? Woe to the man that hath a woman scorned. Woe to him that yearns in the heart. Woe to him whose soul cries in pain for his love. Please just tuck your chin onto my chest again sweetheart. Please just look up to me with that chipmunk face again. This nightmare can not be real. You can not really hate me like you do? How am I but a shade of black now? How am I now just a figment of your imagination?

Just wake up honey. Please just wake up and come back to me. I'm dying inside and I don't know what to do right now without you.

There will have to come a day that I can not write on these boards any more. There will come a day when I have to stop looking at my ex's social media. There will come a day that my psyche's comfort zone must be removed and I must psychologically die in order to be born again. I am not looking forward to that day. I don't know when this day will come but it will have to.

[Agent_of_Chaos]

We have all been there... .

I think the hardest thing is trying to relate to these people who are not mentally hardwired as us. We have all been abandoned in the most cruel way. I remember sobbing in my car at Midway Airport three days before Christmas. The pain we experience by losing someone we love is sometimes unbearable.

Let it out! Don't let it consume you! It will! For weeks I woke up miserable and missing her. I felt dead, hopeless. Someone who I loved SO much did the unthinkable. She killed my heart and blew up my dream.

We are left with memories. I'm left with a trail of memories from last year. Places I went with her, moments we shared, times that will never come back.

There comes a time when it gets easier. When she will fade away. I think about my ex maybe 20% of the day now. I wonder what she is doing. I still care about her. It's crazy! As much as she hurt me I still care about her. I know she is mentally ill.

I think you will get to the point and realize that they cared for us as much as they could. They will never be able to love someone normally. They will either abuse another naive guy who has no idea what he is in for or spend a life chasing after the love of a ahole who will never give it.

Consider yourself part of a special club. You are one strong person. I think the mental strength can be equated to someone joining the special forces. There have been many days where I have wanted to quit. There have been many days where I wanted to break NC. But I wont!

I miss her! I miss the idea of what she reflected back to me. She is gone and I know she probably wont come back. I did my best, and so did you. Live and learn man!

Part of me is just so envious of those who have been contacted by their exes. And part of my is so envious of those who have been recycled.

I've went back and forth in and out of contact with my ex for 6 months. When she contacted me around valentine's day... .I thought she was coming home. My hopes were sky high. I told my family, my friends. I thought she had missed me as much as I missed her. I thought she finally had woke up and realized she had made a mistake. The next day... .silence. she vanished. It was like losing her all over again. 6 months worth of grieving, heart ache, sadness and... .I'm back at square one. Starting all over. Don't wish for contact. You get tangled in a Web of emotional turmoil.

[parisian]

Don't wish for contact. You get tangled in a Web of emotional turmoil.

I + that. My 'friendship' with the ex limped and dragged on sludged on for way too long. It left me emotionally vulnerable. Again. The wounds couldn't heal whilst she was still in my life, even in some small way. It was not and was never going to be a real friendship anyway. She lied, hid things from me. It was the usual me pretending to be all cheery and listening to her complain about her friends, tell me what I should be doing, complain about everything really. She was never happy in our r/s after the devaluation started, and was never happy as a friend. She just continued to use me for narcissistic supply, until she replaced me four months out. Whenever her busy schedule was not so busy, I was an easy 'filler' for her to avoid spending time by herself. I was under her control again.

I ended up calling the friendship off - I got sick and tired of her push / pull. Contact then ignore. It drove me to despair. It was like waiting for the other shoe to drop - all over again. Once I did that, I was painted the blackest black you could ever be. And I'm very pleased about that . I will never be in her life again. I will never give her space in my heart nor my head again.

And that is when the true healing realing starts .