Introduction

[spicytofu]

I've debated over the months whether or not to post.  As you all know this is incredibly difficult.  My sister is has been diagnosed with BPD for many years.  Some years are worse than others.  Some years we are closer than others.  Some years she hurts our family less than others.  We're in the midst of the latest crisis.  This has caused her physical harm (domestic abuse) as well as emotional pain.

She called me a few days after it happened.  I have two young children but I had to stay on the phone with her until the sun came out because she was afraid and basically was threatening physical harm to herself.  Still refused to look for appropriate help.  While I was trying to support her she still found a way to insult me and speak badly of my parents.  This is especially hurtful because at least my mother and myself have tried for decades to help her and all she sees are enemies.

She screamed at our mother and cut her communication with her when she heard what she wanted when they were having a conversation.  When she came to me I pointed out I had said the same to her a few days ago and now she's cut communication with me.  Whenever this happens the next time I hear from her is a desperate call in the middle of an emergency.  I'm afraid that she's been hanging with a questionable crowd of drug users, enablers, criminals and people off to use and hurt her.  It feels unsafe for us to continue to intervene.  The police is already involved in her domestic abuse case.  I just don't know what to do.

I've closed my social media accounts and just don't want her having any of my information she could share in a rage with these people who could potentially hurt my family.  At the same time I feel like I am giving up on helping her which is something I said I would never do.  She lies, she lies so much and then swears that she never lies but she does, she lies so much.  While on her crisis she told me that the person I knew as her sister is gone, that she's just an empty shell now.  I said that if she was willing to commit to a complete change with a competent group of mental health professionals that I would help her.  She swore she had not been drinking or using.  Then I hear, not even 24 hours later that she had drank a 12 pack the night before on her own while knowing all the danger she's in.  I feel like I need to just move away from this, it is affecting me too much, I can't sleep, I'm binge eating and it is hard to be patient with my children because I am worried sick.  I'll be seeing my therapist this week and hopefully it'll all come under control but it's been so many years.  We're all tired and hurt.  Now it looks like we'll be publicly shamed in our small town as she is making threats of suing people that will dig all her information and will drag her through the mud along with my family as I am sure she will say things about how it is all our fault, how we don't help her, even if that's all we try to do.

I don't know what I'm looking for as a response.  Maybe just some empathy, maybe just to confirm that this is the norm for the family of people with BPD, I'm just exhausted and have nowhere else to turn.

Thanks for letting me share my thoughts in a safe place.

[Suzn]

Hello spicytofu

Welcome to bpdfamily.com and the Healing board. I can hear your frustration and how depleted you are.   We all get that here, I'm glad you found us. I'm glad to hear your sister got help from authorities for the domestic abuse.

I'm also glad to hear you are working with a therapist of your own with what you're up against. We have a ton of information that can be helpful to you along with the members here who all know exactly what you're going through.

Here are a few examples

The Do's and Don'ts for a BP relationship

Radical Acceptance for family members

I'm looking forward to hearing more of your story. Welcome to our family.